Hard Candy

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This is so good.

I want more.

Don't get greedy.

Jeff?

Hayley.

Sorry.

I was gonna be, like,

so sophisticated when we met.

Little hard to do that with your mouth

full of... whatever that is.

It's great. It's great.

Do you want some?

Sure.

Yum.

It's, um... kind of

what I was thinking.

Sorry?

You just don't look like the kind of guy

who has to meet girls over the internet.

I think it's better to meet people

online first sometimes.

You get to know

what they're like inside.

When you work as a photographer

you find out real quick, people's faces lie.

Does my face lie?

I look at those eyes

and I see...

a girl who reads Zadie Smith,

who listens to John Mayer

and ColdPlay,

who loves Monty Python episodes

and who, desperately,

madly, deeply, wants,

needs, longs for...

more chocolate.

Excellent, excellent

judge of character.

Can I get two of those truffles

and two ganaches.

Now what's a ganache?

You don't know

what a ganache is?

Lucky, you're with

a woman of the world

to introduce you to these things.

And two chocolate-covered hearts.

And a decaf latte for me.

- And?

- I'm good.

Yeah, you do appear so.

So what's in the bag?

Oh, you know,

just, like, books and stuff.

I figured if you stood me up,

then I should have something to read.

Well... I couldn't really decide.

I'm reading this book

about Jean Seberg.

She's this actress

who slept with all the wrong people

and ended up killing herself.

Don't you do that.

No. I intend to sleep

with all the right people.

Plus, I'm reading Romeo and Juliet.

It's a ninth grade book,

but I figured I could have it done

before the school year starts, so...

Doesn't look like

Elizabethan tragedy.

No, that's 'cause...

Well, my dad... he's letting me audit

one of his med school courses, right?

I don't really understand

half of it,

but I totally love it.

What?

So you go to UCW

and you sit in a lecture hall

with all these grad students

and, what,

do they hit on you?

Why? Are you jealous?

Just admiring. I didn't know

you were interested in that kind of thing.

What?

You thought since we'd been chatting

for three weeks

that you knew everything about me?

Plus, they wouldn't hit on a 14-year-old girl.

They're old enough to be my dad, so...

They're like...

They're bad older.

They're... You're not...

I'm so articulate.

Sorry. Can I just, like,

start over?

No. I get it. I get it.

I just thought...

You know, well,

you look older than you are.

You certainly act

older than you are.

Really?

Yeah. I was expecting someone

not as impressive.

Me too.

Cool shirt.

You want it?

No, I didn't really bring

enough bucks, so...

And yet, not actually

what I was asking.

Sure, I want it.

Can I get a green shirt

in a small, please?

No. No, no.

- I can't let you do that.

- What? Because...

- Because...

- What? Because you'd be so

indebted to me

that you'd have to...

Okay. I guess I can

let you do that.

You have to model it for me.

Conditions. I can't live

with all these conditions.

Thanks.

- This is so unfair.

- What?

This is when things happen,

in the middle of the night, by which time

I am completely out of the scene.

Life as a teenager.

I just hate having to depend

Lindsey to drive me everywhere.

You'll be driving

before you know it.

In the meantime, I missed

Elizabeth Wurtzel speaking at USC

and the Goldfrapp concert.

I was at the Goldfrapp concert actually.

Shut up. You were?

Was it great?

Of course it was great.

What am I saying?

Well, you could judge for yourself.

- I got a bootleg MP3.

- You have the concert?

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