Happy, Texas

Synopsis: Two escaped convicts arrive in the town of Happy, Texas, where they are mistaken for a gay couple who is to host the town's Little Miss Fresh Squeezed beauty pageant. Enjoying the celebrity and using their skill as con-men, the two adopt their persona to take on the task. Of course, as the two are heterosexual, their interest in the involved ladies intensifies. Ally Walker is a banker, who is distrustful of men and has given up on love. Illeana Douglas plays the dowdy, badly dressed teacher.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Romance
Director(s): Mark Illsley
Production: Miramax Films
  6 wins & 6 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
98 min

Hey. Why did the armadillo

cross the road?


It didn't. See.

Can't someone else

be on bag for a while?

Excuse me.

Wanna be the bag guy?

Did I say you could speak to me?

Oh, sorry.

When you move up

to committing real crimes...

then you can speak to the men.

Put it in the bag.

Hey, wait. Are you gonna just

stand there like some coward...

and let him talk to you

like that?

Hey, goat boy.

The same goes for you.

Now you two damn amateurs

stay in your own yard...

or else I'll chain you there.

Goat boy?

Oh, you gonna

get you some now, boy.

Well, then

the light is green.


I have stood upon the mountain

I have seen the other side

As soon as we get you boys

back to lockup, this is gonna mean...

a week in the hole

for each of you.

Goat boy

you fight like a girl.

Seen my love forsaken

Felt the pleasure and the pain

The light is green.

No, no, no!

Knock it off, goddam it!

I have cried in tears

of sadness

I have cried in tears of joy

I have found a life

worth livin'

From the peace

within the noise

I have turned my back on hatred

lyin', prejudice and greed

Found the future in the present

Found hope within a seed


Hey, hey, hey, where you goin'?

Hey, if you're escapin'

give us the keys!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

We don't need keys!

I don't even know him.

This ain't adios.

It's just goodbye.


Gotta get outta here.

Hey, I don't even know

who you are.

Harry Sawyer.

Wayne Wayne Wayne Junior.



Now we have three...

count my fingers... three runnin'.

First, a man who likes

to steal cars.

Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.

Next, Harry Sawyer.

Fraud, credit card scam.


the reason why we're all here today

boys and girls...

Bob Maslow.

Bob Maslow is a bad man.

Let's get the guy

before he kills somebody else.

Get anything

but it has to be nonfat.

Well, this is nonfat.

Don't worry about it.

What about this? Look it. You know, we

don't owe these people a damn thing.

I know. I know.

I'm not happy either, David.

Peas or corn?


If I have to listen to one more of those

little monsters butcher "Tomorrow..."

I may end up doing something

very violent.

That is exactly

what I'm talking about.

Now I say we dump Happy.

Not that. Well, we can't dump Happy.

That reminds me. We need some toilet

paper. No, not that, the other one.

Okay, stop snapping at me.

It's softer.

I am on your side.

Let's just drop... I am not the enemy.

Listen to me for a second.

Let's just junk that crappy apartment

on wheels... I want this.

And quit this whole stupid business.

I want a real life again, you know?

A little fun.

You remember that word "fun"?

Yes, I do remember fun, Peter.

I want our old life back. You need to

get a new attitude is what you need.

I think that she may have overcharged us.

She did not.

If you would have brought the coupons

maybe we could have saved some money.

No, some of this stuff is not right.

Oh, my God. David.

It's gone.

Somebody stole our crappy camper.

We gotta go call the police.

No, listen to me a second.

Steven, if we call the police

we'll just get it back.


But if we wait a couple of weeks...

call the insurance company, we can

cash in on the modern American dream.

Yes! Yes!


Can we go to Maui?


Trust me, it's perfection.

Dual tanks on this baby. Even on

back roads, it's more than enough.

Let's get out of Texas.

Go, Daddy, go!

A prison break today at the

Jim Hogg County Correctional Facility...

has brought out law enforcement

agencies in four states.

The three fugitives, including convicted

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Ed Stone


All Ed Stone scripts | Ed Stone Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Happy, Texas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 21 Sep. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/happy,_texas_9616>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Happy, Texas

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.