Hansel & Gretel Get Baked

Synopsis: The pothead Ashton Crawford and his girlfriend Gretel are smoking in her room special marijuana called Black Forest supplied by the drug dealer Manny and produced by an old lady named Agnes that lives in Pasadena. Gretel's brother Hansel arrives home and Gretel tells that she will bake gingerbread cookie while Ashton will go directly to Agnes to buy more Black Forest. However Agnes is a witch and captures Ash to eat his flesh and drain his youth to maintain youth. Gretel seeks her boyfriend out and suspects of Agnes, but the police officers Ritter and Hart do not give credit to her words since Ritter knows that Ash is a pothead. Meanwhile the gang that supplies weed to Manny learns that he is selling Black Forest to his costumers and they threaten him and their leader Jorge sends a message to Agnes through Manny. However, the drug dealer is turned into a zombie by Agnes and Jorge and his gang pay a visit to her and are also turned into zombies. Soon Gretel and Manny's girlfriend Bianca
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Duane Journey
Production: Tribeca Films
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
4.3
TV-MA
Year:
2013
86 min
Website
104 Views


Hello?

Anybody home?

Hey, pg&e.

Oh!

Residents of 140 wicker lane,

Using over 98,000 kwh.

Wait till he hears about this.

Oh!

I knew it!

Wait till the cops see this.

Hey, hey!

Okay it's called,

black forest high,

And it is the best

friggin' high ever.

I'll be the judge of that.

It's like,

One part swiss miss,

one part snow white,

There's definitely

some white queen,

But, there's something else in it,

and I can't put my finger on it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let it sink in, trust me when this

stuff hits, it hits.

I see what you mean.

Very smooth,

Very mellow, very wow.

Where'd you get it?

Manny, he's handing out samples,

Some little old lady in pasadena,

is growing it in her basement.

she's the little

old lady from pasadena

You know, the beach boys.

Oh, yeah, exactly!

Anyways, she's like this sweet old

little, granny pothead.

Oh, I love it!

Oh, baby, wait till you hear

music on this sh*t,

It is unbelievable.

Oh.

"Hansel, we're off to spend the weekend

with the stiltskins,

"keep an eye on your sister,

"love, mom and dad."

It's great because I have nothing

better to do.

Gretel?

Gretel!

Oh, I see what you mean.

Yeah, you see how those three notes right

there are forming a chord?

Is that what they're doing?

It's awesome, huh?

So high.

Oh, yeah!

What you guys doing?

dude, we're watching music.

Hmm, oh, watching music?

That's cool.

Unrelated question, uh,

What are you smoking?

Ah! It's called black forest.

Um, what like the cake?

Cake?

Cake?

No.

No, not just,

Not just any cake, guys.

From, uh,

Black forest cake.

Okay.

Delicious maraschino cherries,

Trapped between layers and layers

of dark chocolate cake.

Cherry filling.

And bavarian cream.

Oh, bavarian cream!

Uh, speaking of which, uh,

You wouldn't happen to have any

black forest cake,

Would you, Hansel?

no, I thought you

guys had some.

Oh, dude!

I know!

What are we gonna do now?

You know what?

I'm pretty sure, we got some gingerbread

cookie mix in the kitchen.

Gingerbread.

Gingerbread man, I haven't had those

since I was a kid.

You can make a whole army of gingerbread men,

to fight your munchies.

Whole army, dude?

You can ask 'em anything,

But, they won't tell you a thing.

Huh?

Never mind.

We'll get gingerbread men.

Come on.

Stoners.

Got it.

Sweet.

It's a mix.

Wait, so we have to make it?

No problem, we got everything we need.

Except, more black forest.

Dude.

Dude.

How about, I make

the gingerbread cookies,

While you go get more weed.

Dude!

Dude.

Dude.

"in pan," okay.

Uh, yeah, um.

I understand you have

some weed for sale.

Sorry, you really

gonna have to speak up.

Uh, I hear you're selling weed.

Again, you're really

gonna have to speak up.

Weed.

"we need?" what do you need?

No, uh, weed!

Weed?

Police!

Oh, sh*t, no!

Police!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

oh, jesus!

Police! Police!

I'm just f***ing with you,

come on in.

Well, come on.

It's now or never.

Come on, go,

come on. Whoa.

jesus.

Here you go, dearie, just a little bit

of black forest

Over here in pasadena.

Oh, um, the black forest,

that's in germany, right?

And they say american

education is just gone to pot.

Should we smoke some?

Oh, um, actually I was

just hoping to buy.

Hmm...

You're not gonna just let a little

old lady smoke all by herself?

Uh, no, I guess not.

Oh, it's some smooth pot.

Not so bad, huh?

Ain't it great?

So, um, did you just move here?

Well, actually very recently.

In my line of business,

I like to move

pretty sporadically...

So, um, speaking of which...

Witch?

Yeah, yeah speaking of which,

Like, how did you get into

the growing business?

I love to get high.

Speaking of which, you got to have

the munchies.

Oh, yeah, big time.

I've got some sardines,

won't just take me a few.

Okay.

Oh, what about that

gingerbread over there?

Don't touch my gingerbread house.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Cool.

Mmm, that's nice.

Mmm, that smells good.

What is that?

Sweet butter, with 11 herbs

and spices.

Jesus, what the f***?

Let it simmer, otherwise

you're gonna bruise.

Oh!

Okay, uh, miss agnes.

Look, I get it,

You're lonely, and the weed's got

you all horned up,

But, I got a girlfriend.

You smell good.

Almost even good enough to eat,

But, I think I'm really have to just

wait a little while.

Wait, waiting,

waiting is good, yeah.

Wait, how long exactly

are you thinking,

Cause, I gotta get back,

she's waiting for me.

You know everything's gonna cook,

in its own, sweet, beautiful time.

Okay, um, what if I like,

Just let you lick my junk,

but, that's it, nothing else.

What if I want to eat your junk?

What you mean like, swallow?

Okay, that's different.

Um, but, I don't wanna watch.

Okay?

As you wish.

Oh, my god!

So, where's the stoner genius?

He went to get more weed.

Weed?

Him? No, I don't buy

that for a second.

You know, you could

be a little nicer to him.

Why would I do that?

Because, he's my boyfriend?

Oh, yeah, uh...

"speaking of which..."

What is it exactly

you see in that guy?

He doesn't judge me.

How long is it gonna be ready?

Fifteen minutes.

Oh, shoot, we're out of milk.

You could call ashton, and have him pick

some up on the way back.

Good idea.

Why?

I told you not to eat

the gingerbread.

You ate the gingerbread.

Please, please!

Please let me go, I swear

I won't tell anyone.

I swear to you.

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David Tillman

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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