Guarding Tess

Breakfast.

I'm going.

I thought I'd say goodbye.

Gentlemen, again, all the best.

Take good care.

Good luck and goodbye.

It's been fun.

Here you go, sir.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

"GUARDING TESS'"

I'm here to see

the director of the Secret Service.

Okay. Thanks.

Is there anyplace

where I could put my bags?

Over there.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

Congratulations, Doug. You've done

a terrific job on a tough detail.

Well, thank you, sir.

It wasn't that tough, actually.

Summersville, Ohio, is not exactly

the center of the universe...

of course. But it's

a nice, quiet little place.

Guarding Mrs. Carlisle gave me time to

pick up many hours towards my Master's.

- Oh, great.

- Of course, now I am hoping...

for a little more active assignment,

maybe back in the White House...

or a criminal assignment

out of New York or L.A.

Sure.

Let's sit over here.

Yes. Sir.

Joan?

- Yes?

- Coffee.

- Certainly. It'll be just a moment.

- Thanks.

How is she?

What's she like?

Well, there's the public person who's,

you know, adored.

Then there's the private person

who can, at times...

be difficult to deal with if you

don't know how to handle the situation.

- And you did.

- Well, I guess, as well as anybody.

I don't envy my replacement,

I'll tell you that.

I was in her husband's White House,

and I saw her in better times.

She has her good days

and her bad days now.

I guess you could say...

she's several different personalities

in one, like many people.

Well, one of her personalities

called the White House last night...

and ask ed the president to arrange

that you stay with her for another tour.

The president?

I can't go back there.

I can't do three more years there.

I can't do three more minutes there.

It's... It... l...

I mean, it's...

the worst assignment there is

in the service.

Well then, we've got a problem

because the president...

is asking you to return to Mrs. Carlisle

as a personal favor to him.

What if I say no?

I'll call him and tell him,

uh, you said no.

Take a moment to think it over.

I'II check on the coffee.

In New Jersey, ice kept three dolphins

trapped in an inland waterway...

In New Jersey, ice kept three dolphins

trapped in an inland waterway...

Wednesday, frustrating rescuers'

efforts to free the animals...

Where's the Columbus paper?

Who's got it?

Just checking my horoscope.

Frederick, I told you 1,000 times, she

can tell if we've read it before her.

Sorry.

- Morning, Doug.

- Morning.

- What are you doing here?

- Long story.

- Everything okay in Washington, Doug?

- Yeah.

Just back to pick up

your accoutrement?

Speak English.

Back to pick up your sh*t?

No smoking, Earl.

Why not?

She never comes down here.

It's a rule.

- I am shock ed to see you back here.

- Are ya?

Ja. I thought you'd be guarding

Jackie O. By now...

standing outside the Russian Tea Room

for hour after hour in the snow...

with her inside, having little cakes and

chatting to her fashionable friends.

Here, Frederick.

- I'II do it this morning, Fred.

- Thank you.

Good morning.

Breakfast!

Come in.

Douglas, darling.

Yes, ma'am?

You seem to have dropped

some of my things on the floor.

Would you kindly

pick them up for me?

Yes, ma'am.

That's a good boy.

Do I still have any influence in that

evil town, or have they forgotten me?

Ma'am, with all due respect,

why me?

Why, because I like you, Douglas.

And my feelings are a bit hurt...

that anyone would be that anxious

to get away from me.

Well, I certainly don't mean

to hurt your feelings, Mrs. Carlisle...

but my assignment her e is finished,

and I'd like to get back to Washington.

Washington is a dead-end town,

career-wise...

unless you're there purely to make

money, which I'm sure you wouldn't be.

I'd like to go back.

- Well, I'm sorry, but I need you her e.

- Mrs. Carlisle?

Yes?

I'd just like you to know

that I came back of my own free will.

As an S.A. I. C... I could have refused

this assignment. But I didn't.

S.A. I.C.? What is that?

Ma'am, you know what that is.

No, I really don't.

You do.

Don't tell me what I do and don't know.

That is not your place.

What is a "said"?

S.A. I.C. Stands for

"special agent in charge."

Oh, I see. A special agent, are we?

And in charge, no less.

My, my, my.

You rarely meet someone who's

a secret agent who's also in charge.

And why is he in charge?

Well. Because he's

so doggone special.

And you did not come back

of your own free will.

If you had a free will,

you'd be miles from here.

I have some very exciting

news for you.

I have an inoperable

brain tumor.

I have bought you and your men

a SCU D missile launcher.

We are going to the opera in Columbus.

Which of those do you think is true?

When?

I would like to drive to Columbus

a week from Friday.

Yes, ma'am. May I say,

it is good to see you getting out again?

- Is it?

- Yes, ma'am.

Thank you, Douglas.

That's very patronizing of you.

I suppose you couldn't

care less about opera.

- No, ma'am, I couldn't.

- Of course not.

You're a typical,

r ed-blooded American male.

You'd probably rather watch the reruns

of "Mr. Ed" on television, wouldn't you?

Tell me.

If you had to choose

between opera and "Mr. Ed"...

I'd choose "Mr. Ed"

in a second.

Always so honest.

I try.

Good for you, Agent Dougie.

Now put my rosebud on the tray

and get out.

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