Good Luck Chuck

All right, Kent!

Go, Hayley.

Seven minutes.

Go get 'em, cowboy.

See you in seven minutes.

Stu, run it by me again.

Kissing is first base.

Second base is boob.

- Third base is-

- Finger.

- Finger?

- Or thumb.

Okay.

Charlie, trust me.

Second base is what

it's all about.

I'm all about

the boobies.

Okay.

Anything else?

An intentional walk

is a kiss on the cheek.

An inside park home run

is a blow job.

What's a blow job?

I have no idea,

but I overheard

my dad saying

that he gets one

once a year on his birthday.

So it must be good.

Yeah!

You, me.

Closet.

Seven minutes.

Heaven.

He's so gross.

Sorry, Jennifer.

Stop.

Don't touch me.

Stand on that side

of the closet,

and I'll say we kissed.

I will... if you say

we did the nasty.

No.

I'll say we kissed.

Say I touched

your boobies.

No!

I'll say we kissed.

Okay.

I kissed your boobies.

Anisha!

Stop staring.

You're freaking me out.

I'm looking at you

'cause I like you, Charlie.

It's okay.

Come on. You can

do what you want.

That's okay.

I'm kind of new at this.

Let me see your penis.

What's the matter?

Don't you want me?

Oh, my God!

That's my boy.

He's probably

blow-jobbing her.

Anisha!

I can't breathe!

I love you, Charlie.

I've loved you

since the third grade.

Um... thank you?

So you like to play

hard to get.

Back off!

I've read

in my mom's Cosmo

this is supposed

to increase pleasure.

Don't worry.

This is my first time, too.

First time what, killing?

No, Charlie.

Making love.

Get off me, you freak!

Charlie Logan, you are not

my boyfriend anymore.

I hex you!

You what?

I hex you.

You will never be happy.

Around you love will fall

like rain.

But you won't hold it.

Your heart will pain!

Once the girl

has been with you,

to the next she will be true!

Was that Phil Collins?

What happened?

Did you thumb her?

Charlie, we could get arrested

for public indecency.

I like the way you think.

Okay.

All right!

Oh, my-

Oh, my God, Carol.

I love you.

I love you!

Thank you.

I love you, Charlie.

Oh, that's nice.

"That's nice"?

I'm licking the sand

off your balls,

and you say,

"That's nice"?

No, I said,

"Oh, my God" to that.

I said, "Oh, my God"

very enthusiastically about the ball lick.

Hey, listen, I'm sorry.

I just don't think the "L" word

should be thrown around casually.

The "L" word?

What are you, eight?

How about the "F" word

and the "you" word?

I can't believe

you and Carol went belly-up, man.

She was so into you.

Yeah, well, she was

a, uh, noisy eater.

It's that word, Stu: love.

I wanted to say it,

but I just- I couldn't.

How can I say something

if I don't feel it?

Easy. Lie.

What do you think

all relationships are based on, man?

Lies.

"No, honey, your ass

looks great in those jeans. "

"Honey,

I love your parents. "

"You're kidding me. That sore right there?

That's not herpes. "

You know what I'm saying?

So, then, who are you

taking to Katie's wedding?

Oh, I don't know.

You want to go?

Do bridesmaids give head

in the coat room?

Of course I want to go!

You know how easy it is

to score at a wedding?

Have you ever scored

at a wedding?

Pacing myself.

Must be weird.

You were dating Katie

six months ago,

and now she's

marrying a doctor.

I'm a doctor.

He's a heart surgeon.

You're a dentist.

It's like saying

General Patton and Colonel Mustard

are both military men.

Hi, Dr. Stu.

Natalie.

I jerk off

to her mammograms.

God, I love my job.

Every day is like Christmas.

Who are you

working over today?

Dr. Charlie,

you're five minutes late!

You've got four fillings,

three cleanings,

two crowns, and a canal.

You've got too many patients,

and I've got too little patience

for you to be gabbing gossip

with Dr. Boob Jobs in the hallway.

How are you today, Reba?

Were you just

looking at my tits?

Because I am more than happy

with what the Lord Almighty gave me.

I wasn't looking at your-

Come on, Dr. Charlie.

I don't want anybody else

When I think about you,

I rub myself

I don't want

anybody else

When I think about you,

I touch myself

You are what-

Okay, you're my wingman.

If the blonde asks,

I'm the billionaire

who invented string cheese.

If it's that redhead,

tell her I wrote

"We Are the World. "

And, uh, if it's

that cheerleader hottie over there,

my penis is in

the Guinness Book of World Records:

girth, not length.

I want it to sound believable.

Holy sh*t.

Activate pelvis.

Yo, yo, yo, hold on

to your pantyhose.

The hostess

with the mostest

has got a toastess.

I just want to thank everybody

for coming to share

this day with us.

I couldn't imagine

being any happier

than I am right now.

Wait till tonight, sweetheart.

I know it's

a little unorthodox,

but I'd also like

to propose a toast...

to Charlie Logan.

Thank you, Charlie,

for being my lucky charm.

To Charlie!

- To Charlie.

- To Charlie.

So, you're that Charlie?

What Charlie?

You know, Charlie,

the- the dentist.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- Oh, no. Are you okay?

- That's horrible.

- I'm all right.

- I didn't- I didn't mean to.

Sorry about that.

Oh, jeez.

Here you go.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

Oh. There I am.

Join us.

So, what did I miss?

Not much.

Same old-

I do, I do.

"You may

kiss the bride. "

White cake

with raspberry filling,

and the doves

being released,

but the doves

refuse to leave.

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