Going Under

All of my past washes over me.

All of my past is in this room.

I found you.

All of the women I have been with

are eclipsed by you.

I am stripped.

I think of you as my patient.

I treat you.

I'm stripped also.

I searched and searched for you.

I want to know you.

I, like my work,

there are rules.

They protect us.

The movement of your hands.

The rhythm of your hands

has become my resting place.

Momentary peace...

so sweetly broken apart.

Take off the mask.

You still have about an hour.

Do you wanna do the piercing?

Yeah.

- Aah.

- Shh.

It's almost there.

- Do you wanna look?

- Sure.

It's a little deeper than last time.

Yeah.

Do you wanna try another one?

Sure.

I love doing this.

It's through.

Hold still now.

- Hold still.

- Uh-huh.

This is the best part.

Aah!

I wrote a little note.

As usual.

Remember last week

when the phone lines

were all screwed up?

God, yeah.

I lost a whole day's work practically.

I was out a lot of money.

I called you that day.

I know, you told me.

I got scared the place

had closed down. I...

I worried I would never

get in touch with you.

I'm going to quit

at the end of the month.

I was thinking we could try...

seeing each other on the outside.

You...

you know I've wanted this

for a long time.

Yes, I know.

How should we do this?

Why don't you give me your number

and I'll call you?

I'll give you my card.

Mm.

Okay, look.

The guy told me 1:00, all right?

- What, do you think I made this up?

- No, no, no, no.

I didn't say that. I only said

that Jeff does not come in on Fridays,

so there must be

some misunderstanding.

- A misunderstanding?

- Yes, a misunderstanding. I'm sorry.

Staff meeting was

moved up to three today, right?

Uh, yes.

Mail keeps piling up.

Just getting in and you already

look like you need a Valium, Peter.

I'll drop by your office later.

So what's going on?

Sorry to bug you about this,

but what do you think I should say

to the Oxford people

on the phone today?

Uh, about?

Remember the kid who hid himself

in the building a couple of weeks ago?

Oh, right.

Well, all I can say is

you must tell them

what you already know.

They're gonna cut him off

unless you exaggerate what's going on.

What, like claiming

he's suicidal?

Well, that depends on how strongly

you feel he should stay in therapy.

- Anything else?

- No.

Thanks.

Thanks for calling. No messages.

Ooh.

No, no, no, no.

Relax, relax, just leave them.

Is there something going on?

You've been kind of hard

to talk to these days.

I know,

I've been pretty distracted.

Is it the clinic?

In part.

Do you think this has anything

to do with May's going away to college?

Doesn't feel that way.

Except her leaving

makes me know that I'm older.

I've been pretty preoccupied myself.

Ugh,

if I don't finish this book

up in Nova Scotia this summer,

I don't know.

It's not just work.

Well, what is it, then?

There's a dominant

that I've been seeing.

I mean...

I mean, I've been seeing...

one dominant for a while now.

She told me the other day

she's gonna stop working.

I've become very...

attached to her.

Is it...

Is it personal

or professional,

this attachment

you have to her?

- Both.

- Both?

We're gonna try

to get together for coffee

after she's stopped working.

Are you telling me this to reassure

yourself that that's all it'll be?

No, that is all it will be.

I just didn't want you to think

it was something else.

I didn't mean to...

I just wanted to tell you.

Hello?

I told you I'd call you.

Hi.

- Sorry, am I late?

- No, not at all.

So how you doing?

It's strange seeing you

on the outside.

Well, how?

You're uncomfortable, too.

I can tell.

I, uh, well, I...

I guess I am a little nervous.

That's good.

Oh, um, just a glass of white wine

for me, please.

Yeah, I'll have the same.

You said on the phone

your wife's gone for the summer?

Yeah, she's up in

Nova Scotia writing.

It must be hard on you

with your wife gone for so long?

I'm used to it.

She goes there every summer.

Does that mean

you've done this before?

Done what?

What we are doing right now.

No...

not with anyone I've ever seen.

- This is stupid.

- What? What?

Us talking like this.

The whole thing.

- I should go.

- Suzanne...

I should go.

I'll never feel comfortable

about how we met.

We would never have met

in any other way.

That doesn't change

the way I feel.

What do you want from me?

Nothing.

Well,

that's not true.

I do wanna talk to you.

You wanna know about me.

Yes.

Remember that guy I told you about?

The one who liked extreme bondage?

Who?

Hog-tie Harry?

Something happened with him

about three weeks before I quit.

He was one of my first regulars.

I never really liked him,

but I've always allowed him

to see me.

Out of some kind of perverse loyalty,

I guess.

But the last time I saw him,

it wasn't just that I didn't like him...

he repulsed me.

- What did he ask you to do?

- No, no, it's not that.

It's more that I felt

that he deserved to be humiliated

like he should be kicked around.

Didn't he feel he deserved

to be humiliated?

I liked hurting him, Peter.

Are you saying

you never felt this way before?

I discovered I couldn't

distance myself from the work.

Was I involved in this?

I knew we had gotten too close.

It's late.

I'm happy here.

I like being with you.

I like being with you, too.

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