Ghost Town
Hello?
Is anybody there?
Hey, honey, what's up?
Slow down.
Who are you talking about?
No, I don't know! Sweetheart,
I don't have a clue what you're...
An apartment?
No, no! Of course I'm not
looking at an apartment!
Why would I be
looking at an apartment?
Wait a sec, wait.
I know what this is.
Oldest trick in the book. Yeah.
Did a realtor call you? Yeah.
Yeah, realtor calls the wife, says,
"Oh, yeah, I spoke to the husband.
"I'm looking at a..."
My card? My business card?
I don't know.
That I don't know. I don't know
why he has my business card.
Maybe he...
Maybe he or she, then.
Yeah.
Okay, surprise ruined.
No, no, it's all right.
It was gonna be for our anniversary,
but I...
Yeah, it's just a little one-bedroom
in the West Village,
but you're gonna love it.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Hey, listen, the car never picked me up
for this thing at the Waldorf.
I got to go. I'll see you
at home tonight, okay, honey?
I love you, too.
It's okay. Big kiss.
All right, then. Bye-bye.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
You a real estate broker
or a professional f***ing idiot?
Babe, I really think
we ought to let the super do that.
No, I got it, I got it.
Just move that stuff.
No, I did not say
my wife needs to see the apartment.
I said Amber needs
to see the apartment. Amber.
Amber sound like the wife
of a man my age to you?
- Careful with my table!
- Yeah, picked it up right now.
Okay, just get the cord for me, will you?
Okay, all right. I got it, baby.
What do you want me to do with it?
Just keep it out of my way.
Well, it's not exactly a love nest
if my wife's there picking out
the goddamned curtains, is it?
Careful, just get the window,
get the window.
- Okay?
- Ready?
Yeah, just pull it down, and inside.
No, I'm telling you right now,
stop talking.
Because I'm thinking.
No, I'm thinking! I don't...
You know what? Just kill it.
No, kill it. Kill the whole thing.
- There, good.
- See? DIY. "Do It Yourself."
Oh, no!
Call me over the weekend.
Leave a message on the home machine
saying the seller's
had a change of heart,
and that the whole thing's...
- Oh, my God!
...dead.
You are not gonna believe
what almost just happened!
- Did you see that?
- Someone call 911!
- Oh, my God, is he dead?
- He ain't happy.
What?
You cannot be serious!
Not now.
Okay, go ahead and spit.
So, anyway, the very first scene
You have to remind yourself that
you're in the theater watching a play.
My five-year-old, Alex, just adored it.
He wanted his father to see it with us.
That's better.
Anyway, I think he really,
really enjoyed the costumes...
Dr. Pincus? Hi.
I'm gonna need
the panoramic X-ray machine
for most of the morning tomorrow,
so if that fits in
with your appointments...
Fine.
I've cleared my schedule for tomorrow.
Really?
I hear it's supposed to be a lovely day.
And?
No, I just thought that maybe
you were taking the day off to go and...
You know, we brought some cake.
Mrs. Prashar and I
just had our baby, so...
Yeah, it's a girl,
and we're having a little cake and
I brought some pictures, so, if you...
That'd be delightful.
Start without me.
Great, great. Okay, so...
What a cute baby. She is so cute.
- Yeah, she really is.
- How long was the labor?
- Ten hours.
- Ten hours?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
- That seems like a really long time.
- No, not really.
- It's not?
- Not really.
- See, that's, like, too long.
- It's so worth it.
I'll just get a cat, you know?
Like, 10 hours is a long time
to get something, you know?
- Look at that.
- So cute.
Stop global warming?
Yeah, just a tiny...
It might take a little jiggle.
Good evening, Doctor.
You know what? Let me just open it.
Hey! Can you hold the elevator?
Please?
- Yeah. Holding.
- Thank you.
- Sorry!
- Wait, hold. Hey! Hey!
Good. Still some more.
Come on, come on, come on,
make it, make it, make it,
make it, make it, make it.
Paging Dr. Michael,
Dr. Michael to Pediatrics, please.
- Charts come back up, yet?
- They're there.
I appreciate it.
- Spell it.
- P-I-N-C-U-S.
- Date of birth?
- Why?
What day were you born?
No, I understood the question.
Why do you need to know that?
Let's leave it blank. Weight?
- Last night or this morning?
- You pick.
Hundred and eighty-two pounds.
Number of alcoholic beverages
consumed per week?
- Why do you need to know that?
- Well, they want to know.
Well, I'm sure
"they" want to know a lot of things,
but I don't want my intimate details
auctioned off to the highest bidder,
willy-nilly.
I'll put zero.
- Marital status?
- Pass.
- Profession?
- Irrelevant.
- Food allergies?
- I'm not gonna be eating here.
- Are you allergic to sticking plaster?
- What a ludicrous question.
I'm not answering
any more of these, really.
- Do you smoke?
- Stop it.
- Do you wear dentures?
- Madame, listen.
- When was the last time you ate?
- A pertinent question at last.
Yesterday, lunchtime.
Thanks for asking.
I had a tuna sandwich.
Toast was soggy, but...
- Did you drink the laxative solution?
- Yes.
Did it work?
It was as advertised.
Did you evacuate your bowels?
I drank copious amounts
of drain-cleaning fluid.
What followed was fait accompli.
Sir, what I'm asking is if you were...
I shat. Okay? Good. Again and again.
It was like a terrorist attack down there
in the darkness and the chaos,
the running and the screaming, okay?
- Fine with me.
- Good.
Gross invasion of my privacy, this.
Wait till they get you in the back.
- Good morning, Dr. Pincus.
- Hi.
Don't anticipate any difficulties today.
We'll have you up
and on your feet in no time.
- Okay.
- Quick question.
I notice you requested
a general anesthetic.
It's not really typical
for this type of procedure.
- It's not necessary and we normally...
- Sorry.
I have no intention of being around
when they go where they're going.
When does the surgeon arrive?
I'm the surgeon.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Why do you look that tan?
- Thanks for noticing.
I got a spray tan
on my way to work today.
- Looks natural.
- Yes. It's better for you.
It's moisturizing
and it doesn't cause UV damage, so...
Yeah.
It has an odd smell.
I can't quite place it.
- I don't know if...
- No, I don't want to smell your fake tan!
- What are you...
- It's like dirt.
But like a garden dirt, like a good dirt.
Not like a garbage dirt.
- You gonna go darker?
- I think I am. I think I'd like to go darker.
It's really gonna make my eyes pop.
You could get your teeth whitened
like I did.
- Yeah, that makes a difference.
- Very nice.
Yeah, I don't like having trays
in my mouth and my teeth are small.
Sorry, you babbling idiots.
Can we talk about my bowels?
Wouldn't that be a good idea?
Looks like the sodium thiopental's
really kicking in, huh?
- Makes people say crazy things.
- I haven't given it to him yet.
- Going in now.
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"Ghost Town" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ghost_town_8934>.
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