Get the Girl

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1

Clarence

famous American author...

Richard Bach once said...

"Real love stories never

have endings."

But famous American author

Richard Bach...

Has also been married

three times.

Clarence

I guess if what famous...

American author Richard

Bach has to say is true...

Then it's important to know

where love stories begin...

And mine began right here.

Clarence

real love is hard to find...

It's something most people

believe only exists...

In romance novels, but history

is filled with stories...

Of real love...

And the men who do

crazy things for it.

My story... well, my story's

not much different.

You got it.

Clarence look, most

people say they don't believe..

In love at first sight...

But I do...

And she...

She was my proof.

Clarence her name is

Alex and I knew I loved her...

From the moment I first

laid eyes on her.

Clarence unfortunately for me...

She had no idea I even existed.

Excuse me, can i...

Can I just fit in... yeah!

What can I get you?

I'll have a diet coke.

I love you.

I... I love you, too!

I said, "that's two?"

Two!

Right, that's just... yeah.

Um... yeah, 'cause...

That would...

Clarence not my finest moment.

I paid for both the cars.

I'm entitled to both of them.

I gave you the apartment, that's

several thousand right there.

I want the ring back.

My grandmother's money

paid for that ring.

I don't give a sh*t

what your lawyer says!

Look, I've got the papers right

here, I can just meet you right

now and we can sign these and

get this over with, please!

Hello?

You stupid... oh, my god!

Are you lost?

Yeah, I can't seem to

find my car anywhere.

This is employee parking.

Guest parking is two floors up.

That must be it.

Haven't I seen you before?

Yeah... yeah, you have.

I'm Clarence.

Sh*t, sorry, I gotta go.

Hello?

Clarence

all right, no need to go on...

You get the picture.

Pretty girl marries a**hole,

ignores the nice guy...

At her bar who's madly

in love with her...

And would probably go

down on her like...

Anytime she wanted,

all the days of her life.

Okay, it's a bad joke.

You see, after this,

I decided to observe...

The situation and see if

I could find a way in.

Like when she got her

first tattoo...

When our grandmother's passed

away in the same month...

Hence the tattoo...

Rest in peace, nan nan

and mi maw.

And when she decided

to divorce...

Said a**hole, who by the way,

used her grandmother's money...

That she left her to buy

her a new wedding ring.

Classy guy.

Clarence

this is around the time...

I decided to get proactive.

I knew that if just given

the chance...

To sweep her off her

feet, she'd realize...

That I'm the guy for her.

I just needed to get her

attention...

In a really big way.

There was only one person

I knew that could help me...

Do that, and that was Patrick.

Clarence I'd seen

Patrick before at Alex's bar.

He started frequenting this

place about six months ago.

His reputation needed

no backing up.

Clarence

Patrick was a smooth talking...

Bullshit's walking,

girl-getting son of a b*tch.

At least, that's how he

described himself.

What can I get you, stud?

Tequila... and would

you put it on her tab?

He's got you covered.

Thank you very much!

Very nice of you, but I don't

swing that way, buddy.

Actually, he's covering the

entire bar tonight.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Cheers!

Can I get like

two more of these?

Uh.. Up top.

Told you you're

my good luck charm.

Why don't you get a drink, on

me, whatever you like, okay?

Okay.

Okay!

Hey... drinks guy.

Cheers, thank you.

Don't mention it.

Wanna play?

What's the game?

Uh...

How about 100 bucks a ball?

Too rich for my blood.

You can play with my money.

That's not really how

gambling works, you understand?

Yeah, well...

Just trying to keep

things interesting.

Corner... shot.

Man of your word.

If my math's correct,

I've given you $1500...

To knock in every

ball on that table.

Not to mention all the free

drinks you could want.

Now, I'm wondering if there's

a favor I could ask of you?

Sure, I mean, ask

whatever you want...

Just as long as it's not

to give it back.

No, it's quite the opposite.

I have an investment opportunity

I'd like to talk to you about.

I'm sorry, all my money's

tied up at the moment.

Not your money.

I'd be investing in you.

A proposition.

I knew it, you're

trying to f*** me, man.

I knew it, man, every time!

No, no!

Every time!

Look, I will give you

$500, an extra $500...

If you listen to me

for just a few minutes.

If you don't like what you hear,

feel free to walk away.

You can keep all the money,

it's yours, I gave it to you.

But if you like what you hear,

there's a whole lot more...

Where that came from.

Are you messing with me?

I mean, is this like

one of those shows?

Are there cameras here?

Am I gonna look like an a**hole

when I say no, is that it?

There are no cameras.

Just us.

You smoke?

Okay, daddy warbucks, shoot.

Well, there's this girl.

You want me to

help get you laid?

No... not exactly.

Then she's special?

Very.

Why don't you ask her out?

See, that's the thing...

I mean, you got money,

girls like money.

No, not this girl,

she's different.

Girls aren't different,

girls are not different.

I'm Clarence... Clarence.

Clarence...

Women are not different,

they're all the same.

No, no, this girl's different.

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