
George Carlin: Doin' It Again
- Year:
- 1990
- 60 min
- 326 Views
So you want to talk about it?
Oh yeah.
It all started in 1977.
I mean,
that's when I started
doing it regularly.
How many times
have you done it?
Six times.
I've done it six times.
Why do you do it?
I don't know.
It's like I can't help myself.
What does your family think?
Thank God my
family doesn't know.
But how'd you get caught?
They were taping me.
Taping you?
Yeah.
Every time I did it,
they had a tape running.
Jumbo shrimp,
those words don't
even go together, man.
That's like
military intelligence,
they have that, too.
How did they do that?
That's what they tell you,
get on the plane,
get on the plane.
F*ck you,
I'm getting in the plane.
I wonder a lot of things,
but that's my job.
My job is
thinking up goofy shit.
Al Sleet here, your
with all the hippie
dippie weather, man.
Got into an argument
with my Rice Krispies.
I distinctly heard
Snap, Crackle, f*ck him.
Have a nice day.
And the original list was
shit, piss, f*ck, cunt,
cocksucker,
mother fucker and tits.
This was all I could
think of in one sitting.
That's all your house is,
is a place to keep your stuff
while you go out
and get more stuff.
But here's a little cheer,
a lot of people like it,
it goes like this,
rat shit, bat shit,
dirty old twat.
69 assholes tied in a knot.
Hurrah, lizard shit.
F*ck.
but one night
I fucked five 2s.
Does it strike
you as mildly ironic
that most of the people
who are against abortion
are people you wouldn't want
to f*ck in the first place?
And now they're thinking
about banning toy guns,
and they're going to
keep the fucking real ones.
Thank you,
thank you very much.
Welcome to our show.
Don't you think it's
just a little bit strange
an operation on his asshole
and George Bush
had an operation
on his middle finger, huh?
Huh?
What are these two
men trying to tell us?
Now I'd like
to begin tonight
with an opening announcement.
Because of the FCC,
I'm never sure what it is
I'm allowed to say,
So.
So I now have my
own official policy.
This is the language you
will not be hearing tonight.
You will not hear me say,
bottom line,
game plan,
role model,
scenario,
or hopefully.
I will not kick back,
mellow out,
or be on a roll.
I will not go for it,
and I will not check it out.
I don't even
know what it is.
And when I leave here,
I definitely will not boogie.
I promise not to refer
a beautiful person,
or a happy camper.
I will also not be
saying, what a guy.
And you will not hear me
refer to anyone's lifestyle.
If you want to know what a
moronic word "lifestyle" is,
all you have to do is realize
that in a technical sense,
Attila the Hun
had an active,
outdoor lifestyle.
I will also not be
saying any cute things,
like moi,
and I will not use
to modify any
English adjectives,
such as trs awesome,
trs narly, trs fabut,
trs intense,
or trs out of sight.
I will not say concept
when I mean idea.
I will not say impacted
when I mean effected.
There will be no hands on
state of the art networking.
We will not maximize,
prioritize or finalize,
and we definitely
will not interface.
There will also...
There will also be
no new age lingo
spoken here tonight,
from the human
potential movement.
For instance, I will not
share anything with you.
I will not relate to you,
and you will not
identify with me.
I will give you no input,
and I will expect
no feedback.
This will not be a
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"George Carlin: Doin' It Again" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 27 Feb. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/george_carlin:_doin'_it_again_8857>.