- 75 min
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Thank you! Thank you!
Thank you very much!
I'm a modern man! A man for the millennium!
Digital and smoke-free!
A diversified, multi-cultural
...politically, anatomically and
I've been uplinked and downloaded,
I've been inputted and outsourced...
I know the upside of downsizing,
I know the downside of upgrading...
I'm a high-tech low-life!
A cutting-edge, state of the art...
bi-coastal multi-tasker, and I can give you
a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
I'm new-wave, but I'm old-school;
I'm a hot-wired, heat-seeking,
warm-hearted cool customer...
...and I'm voice-activated
I interface with my database;
and my database is in cyberspace...
...so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive
and from time to time I'm radioactive!
Behind the eight ball,
ahead of the curve, ridin'
the wave, dodgin' the bullet,
pushin' the envelope!
I'm on point, on task,
on message and off drugs!
I've got no need for coke and speed!
I've got no urge to binge and purge!
I'm in the moment, on the edge,
over the top, but under the radar...
A high-concept, low profile,
medium-range ballistic missionary...
A street-wise smart bomb,
a top-gun bottom-feeder...
I'm a totally ongoing, big-foot, slam-dunk
rainmaker with a pro-active outreach...
out of rehab and in denial!
I've got a personal trainer,
a personal shopper,
a personal assistant
and a personal agenda!
You can't shut me up!
You can't dumb me down!
'Cause I'm tireless, and I'm wireless,
I'm an alpha-male on beta-blockers.
I'm a non-believer, I'm an over-achiever;
Laid-back and fashion-forward.
low rent, high-maintenance!
Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition,
fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last!
I'm a hands-on,
footloose, knee-jerk, head case;
...and I have a love child
who sends me hate-mail!
But I'm feeling, I'm caring,
I'm healing, I'm sharing...
A supporting, bonding, nurturing
its own cash flow.
I read junk mail, I eat junk food,
I'm gender-specific, capital-intensive,
user-friendly and lactose intolerant!
I use the f-word in my e-mail...
...and the software on my hard drive
is hard-core - No soft porn!
I bought a mini-van at a mega-store...
I eat fast-food in the
slow lane, I'm toll-free,
and I come in all sizes!
A fully equipped, factory-authorized,
clinically proven, scientifically
formulated medical miracle!
I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked,
pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved,
pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried,
double-wrapped, vacuum-packed, and...
I'm a rude dude, but
I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean. Cocked,
locked and ready to rock!
Rough, tough, and hard to bluff.
I take it slow, I go with the flow...
I ride with the tide,
I've got glide in my stride...
Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin',
jivin' and groovin, wailin' and winnin'...
I don't snooze, so I don't lose!
I keep the pedal to the metal
and the rubber on the road...
I party hearty!
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"George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 24 Mar. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/george_carlin%3A_life_is_worth_losing_8858>.