From Straight A's to XXX

1

Hi, I'm Belle.

I'd like to add this sub

to my third contention

but I'm worried about time.

You can chart it on your flow

and make the call

when you're up there.

Oh my god. One o'clock.

I think he's on the other team.

I will gladly argue the negative

on that case.

First, he has zero nerd cred.

Secondly, he's imminently

do-able.

If I'm wondering what

he looks like naked,

which I am,

then there's no way

he's on the team.

You have a boyfriend.

I'm just saying.

Next we have a Lincoln-Douglas

style debate

on whether it is morally

permissible for a victim

to use deadly force

as a deliberate response

to repeated domestic violence.

Speaking for the affirmative

from Ferndale Prep,

Miss Miriam Weeks.

Miriam?

Make it rain, girl.

I affirm the resolution that

it is morally permissible

for victims to use deadly force

as a deliberate response

to repeated domestic violence.

I define "moral" as pertaining

to, or concerned with,

the principles of right

and wrong.

"Permissible" as permitted

or allowable.

A "victim" as a person who

suffers from a destructive

or injurious action or agency.

My value for this debate

is justice.

Plato defines "justice" as

doing well to one's friend

if he's good

and harming one's enemy

if he is evil.

Miriam, can you come in here?

You got something

in the mail today.

It's from uh, Duke University.

You ever heard of that place?

Oh, honey. Just give it to her.

Let me see it.

Aah.

Oh my gosh, this is it.

It's a big envelope.

Is that good?

Only one way to find out.

I got in!

Yes!

Bring it in.

See? I told you.

When you put your studies first

and you're willing to work hard-

Good things happen.

What kind of financial aid

package did they offer?

That part of the offer appears

to be a little underwhelming.

It's Duke though.

But Vanderbilt offered you

a full ride.

It's just as good a school.

But Duke is my dream school,

and it's number one for pre-law.

It's your decision.

If Duke is what you

have your heart set on

then we'll figure out a way

to make the finances work.

Thank you, daddy!

To the graduates.

Here, here.

To Miriam and Josh.

So, big day little sis.

Do you feel any different now

that it's official?

Mmm, not really.

I'm just relieved, mostly.

All the hard work paid off.

And now you can't be mad

about having a strict curfew.

I can still be a little mad.

Uh, wait.

Let's say grace.

Lord, thank you for these gifts

which we are about to receive

through the bounty of Christ.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Hey. What's going on?

You're being really weird.

No, I'm not.

Yeah, you are.

I just don't need you hanging

on me every second, ok?

Look. I'm sorry.

But I feel like I need

to be honest.

We're gonna be 3,000 miles away

from each other next year and I-

No-

I don't think that

it's such a good idea

if either of us are tied down.

You know I'm crazy about you.

But it just makes sense.

I want to have fun, and

I want you to have fun.

You're gonna go to Duke

and you're gonna meet guys

and you're gonna wanna go

on dates and party-

No, don't tell me what I want.

This is about you and the fact

that you want to get

with other girls, just say it.

I made up my mind.

Don't embarrass yourself,

Miriam.

This is such a beautiful campus.

This map is basically

hieroglyphics.

I think that building

over there is her dorm.

Yeah, that's it.

Hello?

This is he.

Dad? Are you coming?

Just a moment.

I'll catch up with you.

I have to take this.

Go ahead.

Ok.

Is this a co-ed building?

Mom, most dorms are co-ed.

I don't think that's true.

I'm pretty sure my dorms

were co-ed.

I don't remember that.

Of course you don't.

You probably never even

noticed because Paul's a guy.

I didn't say that.

You didn't have to.

This room is way nicer

than mine was.

It could use a little bit of

warming up.

It's perfect.

What's wrong?

I'm getting called back

to Afghanistan.

What?

Can't someone else go?

They need doctors.

You'll have to leave

your practice.

That's a huge pay cut.

We can still afford for me

to go to school here, right?

I don't want you to worry

about this.

These things have a way

of working themselves out.

Knock knock.

Are you my new roomie?

Hi, uh-oh!

Hello.

I'm Miriam and this

is my family.

We're from Spokane, Washington.

Hi, Miriam. Hi, Miriam's family.

It's nice to meet y'all.

I'm Jolie, I just moved

in yesterday.

I'm from New Orleans.

Oh, Nola, that's so cool.

I've always wanted to go

to Mardi Gras.

Yeah, it's fun, but Jazz Fest

is way better, trust me.

Well, it's nice to meet you,

dear.

Let's go get the rest

of the stuff.

You smell that?

What?

The sweet, sweet smell

of freedom.

So how'd you find out

about this party?

Are you kidding?

This is a big party campus.

Plus, it's Independence Day.

The first official night on

campus before class starts?

It's so weird to just not have

to tell anyone where I'm going.

My mom watched me like

a hawk in high school.

So did mine, but I sorta

deserved it.

I did everything I was supposed

to do.

All the time.

Hey, I like your purse.

Thanks, girl.

Woah, that's no joke.

It's nothing.

I guess I just had my Girl

Interrupted phase in high school

or whatever, you know?

Yeah, totally.

So what do you think

you're gonna major in?

Well, I've always wanted

to be a lawyer, so pre-law,

but I'm also interested

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