Friendly Persuasion

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This is Samantha...

... my mother's pet goose.

Mama loves her...

... just like one of the family.

But I hate that bird.

And she hates me.

She's mean and sneaky.

And full of tricks.

It seems every First Day morning...

... when we're ready to go to Meeting...

... and I got on

my best Sunday clothes...

Samantha!

Thee old hisser!

I'll blow thee up with a cannon!

Some day I'll drown thee,

thee old squawker!

Little Jess!

What is thee saying, child?

Samantha tried to bite my legs off.

Next time, I'll throw her down the well.

Here, Samantha.

See, Little Jess?

Speak to her kindly.

She'll not bite thee.

She's a pure pet, Samantha is.

She's a snake on stilts!

I'll put her on the chopping block

and chop her head off.

Hush, hush!

Let's have no more talk of killing.

Run upstairs now and fetch thy brother

and sister. We'll be late for Meeting.

Blackberry pie?

Yes, blackberry pie.

No need to stick thy finger in it

to find out. No dilly-dallying!

Go fetch Mattie and Josh.

Well...

...perhaps.

Well!

This afternoon?

All right!

What's thee talking to thyself for?

I'm not talking to myself.

Who's thee talking to then?

I don't see nobody.

Thee knows what happens

to eavesdroppers?

Their ears get long as a hound dog's!

Mama says to hurry.

I am, but I have to finish

my toilet-tee.

What's a toilet-tee?

Thee wouldn't know about it

because thee doesn't wash.

Please leave my boudoir.

"Please leave my boudoir."

Does thee...

Does thee think I'm pretty?

Thee's not ugly.

I guess thee's pretty...

...for a girl.

Well, thank thee!

Thee's welcome.

Powie! I got Jeff Davis!

Powie! I got old Stonewall Jackson!

Powie! I got old Little Jess Birdwell!

Meet the real Stonewall Jackson...

...and thee won't feel so feisty.

Get up.

What would thee do

if thee met Old Stonewall?

Mama said not to talk about the war.

Mama said for thee to hurry up.

She's the preacher.

Meeting can't start till she's there.

And anyway, Caleb Cope and me

are riding our horses to Meeting.

Thee old long arms!

Look! Pa's warming up Red Rover.

Where?

How a horse can look so fast

and move so slow beats me.

Thee can hitch him up, Enoch.

You got him nice and warm this morning.

Whoa, Mildred!

Hello there.

Guess I'm lost.

Must have got on the wrong road.

My! Quite a looker, that horse.

He's a looker, all right.

Maybe you can help me. I'm trying

to find that Methodist church.

Thy first turn's at the crossroads.

Bear right for three miles.

Is thee preaching there this morning?

- Who's preaching there?

- Thee?

- Who?

- Thee.

Me?

That's a dandy!

Son, I'm not a man of the cloth.

I sell organs.

Now, what in thunderation is all this

thee-ing and thou-ing about?

Bible talk to honor the Sabbath?

No, we talk that way weekdays too.

Excuse me, but it sounds mighty queer.

Who's "we"?

Quakers.

Quakers! Have you folks

got a church around here?

Yes, we call it a Meeting House.

It's just beyond the Methodist Church.

Hast thou an organ in thine

Meeting House, friend?

We don't hold with music playing.

What, no organ?

Dear me! Why, a church

without an organ...

...is like a tree without a bird.

Wait till I talk

to that minister of yours.

He'll never be content

until he buys an organ.

I wish thee luck with the preacher.

That's three miles over, take

the main road, turn right. I got it.

Thank you.

Thee.

Get up!

Now look, Mildred...

...there is a horse!

- I'm going by Caleb's, Pa.

- All right, son.

Red Rover, that man

paid thee a compliment.

If he only knew.

Listen, Red, just don't slow down...

...when thee hears Sam Jordan

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