Fresh Meat

Synopsis: A dysfunctional gang of criminals takes a middle class Maori family hostage and discovers too late that they are cannibals.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Danny Mulheron
  2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.4
TV-MA
Year:
2012
91 min
53 Views

- You wouldn't believe it, but ...

- Let me guess:
no soap?

You wouldn't mind if I, eh...

Dad! Dad!

Rina.

- Hey, it's mom.

- Yeah, she's ubiquitous.

- Ubiquitous?

- She's everywhere.

- Oh.

- She's probably watching us now.

A visitor from Tijuana gave me this one.

Plenty of jalapeo gives

it a whole lot of bite.

Ah, but don't make the

mistake of using cheap meat.

Now, I'm just adding a wee

bit of rosemary here.

It really bring out the-the flavor

and the tenderness of the pork.

Got a chip?

I'm gonna f*ck your hairless

ass all the way back to China.

He will. I've seen it.

Butter is your friend.

Do you speak English?

- I am from Otaki.

- No shit?

We got a place here in New Zealand

sounds just like that, eh?

They're all right, mate.

Should have bought a lotto ticket.

- Guys, what'll it be?

- Meats and cheese, give me that.

Ah, shit.

- Ah, bugger.

- F*cking idiot!

F*ck!

F*ckin' hell.

Meats and cheese.

Get me the f*ck out of here!

Did you keep away from that boy's school?

Dad, I'm not even interested in boys.

I'm way too busy for that sort of stuff.

- What is this shit?

- Shit?

This music has its roots in an

ancient culture. Go on, try it.

Dad, it's shit.

In today's show, we've

touched briefly on jalapeos.

But let's not forget

these little hotties...

- also work as a dessert.

- Shhh. She's filming.

Next week we'll be making jalapeo

jelly. Now, open up, Bruce.

- So. What do you think?

- Strong!

I would like to thank Bruce

Takutai for coming into

my kitchen today and talking

about his new book.

"Sharkbait - a story of survival."

Would you look at that? Amazing.

Until next week:
See you later, friends.

- Cut.

- Oh, my baby!

- Is he all right?

- Oh, Pepe's sort him out.

Look at you! Skin and bone! You

need some good home-cooking.

Glove box, glove box! Tape him up,

stop him bleeding on the velour.

- Who the f*ck is the dick?

- We needed an explosives star.

We might have overdone it a bit.

Sorry, mate.

Okay, baby, this is gonna hurt.

- Slowly.

- What's this?

Morphine. Better than aspirin.

- Stop the f*ckin' car. Let Gigi drive.

- Hey, I only take orders from your bro.

Is that right? Little

Paulie all grown-up now, huh?

F*ck you, Richie.

- Kiaora Rina.

- Shaun.

- What?

- You've got bosoms.

It's just an observation. You go away for

six months and you come back all womanly.

You're a woman. A woman.

Ah, God, you haven't changed at all.

You know

nothing's ever gonna

happen between us, right?

Well...

You can't see the future.

Only I can.

The treaty partnership fully realised.

These balls are really heavy.

Yeah, I weighted them with rocks,

to make my wrists stronger.

- I love your poise, Rina.

- Oh!

Where the hell are we?

- That's a big box of chocolates.

- The first copy.

And what's the marketing

plan for this one?

I've decided to be a

guest on your show.

Oh, of course you did.

And it's gonna be better than

the crap you usually have on.

Rina?

Right, you have to leave. If Jay catches

a boy in my room, he'll go mental.

- Well, don't you think it's time

I met him proper then. - No.

- That's quite a long way down, Rina.

- Tough.

- You wouldn't.

- I might.

- You don't have a nasty bone in your body.

- Oh, come on.

I'm gonna keep this and imagine you

inside it with your lovely new bosom.

You lose a lung, you

become a victim of incest,

suddenly you're on the best-seller list

and you're being promoted on

Cappuccino Television show.

Oh, maybe you should cut

something off, Jerry.

You've already chopped my balls off,

sweetheart, what more do you want?

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"Fresh Meat" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 17 Oct. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/fresh_meat_8589>.

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