For a Good Time, Call...
I like these
sheets that you bought.
Yeah,
they're so soft.
What's the thread count?
No sh*t.
- Feels good.
- Yeah.
You're so sexy.
You're sexy, too.
- Thanks.
- Welcome.
- I love you.
- I love you more.
Urn...
So I forgot to tell you Weiner
can't do the Rome office stint,
so it looks like I'm going
to Italy for the summer.
Italy.
And therefore, I think
that this is a good time
for us to evaluate
our relationship.
Really?
Honey,
I'm not proposing.
I'm evaluating and
after my evaluation,
I've realized that we're both ignoring
something really obvious here.
We always go to Sarabeth's
for brunch on Sunday,
we switched from sour cream
you wear your bra
when we're having sex.
Look at the f***ing pajamas
that we're wearing.
I am saying
that we are boring.
That I am bored,
that I am, like,
crazy-out-of-my-mind bored.
The most exciting part
of the sex that we just had
was when my penis was
chafed by your NuvaRing.
We can spice things up. How about
a blowj*b in the bathroom'?
No, Lauren, stop it. Just stop it.
I was just inside of you.
- No...
- Okay, okay.
This is us.
We could fix this.
We could fix this, okay?
Lauren, let's just talk
when I get back, okay?
We'll have had some distance, and
you'll have moved out of this place.
This is my home. I've
lived here for two years.
Lauren, I tried
to tell you.
When?
Last month
when we were walking through the
West Village and I said to you,
"it's not for me, but I could
so see you living here."
I should pack.
I'll just start
in the kitchen.
Lauren...
You're sitting on
my phone, I think.
Thanks.
Hi, can I please get
some fried dumplings
and an order of
orange chicken?
That'll be how long?
Okay, see you
in 20 minutes. Bye.
And who may
I ask is calling?
Hey, it's me,
your pathetic
29-year-old
intern friend.
Well, there's always
a spot for you at Happy Nails.
Never. I would never... Comedy?
You wanna see some comedy?
working there in a million years.
Are you kidding? For one
thing, I'm not Asian enough.
Here you go, comedy.
What's up?
You called. Comedy?
Yes, I made you more fliers. Are you
ever gonna let me see your show?
I would consider
letting you go in never,
but I will meet you at
Shake Shack in 20 minutes.
I can't.
I'm sexercising.
And this place is
full of windows...
- Hello! Excuse me?
- ...gets lots of light.
I'm being robbed.
Got to go, bye.
Look at this nice,
long hallway.
As a matter of fact, why don't
you go look in the living room?
Great crown molding,
a view of Gramercy Park.
Yeah, my view
is beautiful.
What the hell, man?
I live here.
You cannot just drop
in on me like this.
I told you 60 days ago
that this building
was no longer
going to be rent-controlled
as of June 1st.
And I told you that this is
my grandmother's apartment
and I've lived here
for five years
and Gram doesn't want me
moving her things.
All right, hey, why don't you
just give me another month
so I can get
my book advance, okay?
You're writing a book?
Not at this exact second,
but I have a lot of ideas.
You've got
four days, Katie.
If you can't pay,
you've got to move on,
or find a damn roommate.
Hey, what
do you think?
All right, let's go.
Come on.
That's fine! Have fun with
my grandmother's ghost.
She talks in her sleep
about the Holocaust!
Okay, honey,
you have to stop pouting
because now you're depressing
me, you're depressing Zelda,
you're just
creating this, like,
pea soup of depression
in this room.
Look at her.
She has a permanent
frown-y face, okay?
It's not her face.
It's her energy.
Her energy is so off and
Tuesday's her favorite day.
I don't care. I'm the
one who just found out
that my person is
no longer my person.
Look, look, I haven't
said anything before
because I like to
be a good friend
and I don't wanna
be judgmental,
but right now, I'm gonna
drop a real bomb on you
so I'm glad
you're sitting down.
Charlie is boring.
it, no one says it to you.
He is boring.
It's a struggle to have a
20-second conversation with him.
And you know what else?
He always seems like he's kind
I'm sorry.
I'm a great deal.
Honey, oh, my God, I know that.
Of course, you are.
You're my favorite. You're
the best deal in the world.
You're like
a Subway gift card.
But then why would he go all the way
over to Italy without you, huh?
To what? To shack up with
who has perfect
teardrop breasts
and a nice Sicilian bush
that smells like lavender,
and she makes her
own pesto sauce?
I'm sorry.
I don't even know
why we're packing.
I can't afford an apartment
by myself in this city.
I've a place for you.
Where?
Before I tell you,
you have to promise me
that you'll keep
an open mind
and let Uncle Jesse
take care of you.
Keep talking.
Okay, remember Monica
and Rachel's apartment?
Of course, you do.
This one makes that one
look like a f***ing shoebox,
and bonus,
third favorite park
in the world, Gramercy.
You.
You!
Come on. Please?
You sure you don't wanna come inside?
There's a keg!
Come on, it'll be like high
school with no curfew.
Hey, could you bum
a cigarette off me?
He'll be here.
- Good, yeah.
- What more do you want?
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"For a Good Time, Call..." Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/for_a_good_time,_call..._8397>.
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