Footrot Flats The Dogs Tale


Well, Footrot, you're a lucky man!

Ooh, those rural ruffians!

This is not funny, Spit Murphy!

Lady driver, lady driver!

Keep still, you squirmy old sod!

Woops, sorry!

You might not notice it.

Righto! Next, please.

Same chairs are now awaiting.


Morning. Hmm...

Bit shy, are ya?

Oh, well, we oughta.


Good God!

Let me go, you...


Vidal Sasson job, mate.

Come on, Rangi!

Rattle your dags, mate.

Sometimes I wonder why I bother coming over to help this fella.

Next, please!

Smoko, dears!

Tucker time. Dogs love tucker time!

What do you think you're doing you mutty mongrel?

I should have used a serviette?

A cake fork?




Come here, Dog.

I am a little tied up at the moment.

Dog! Dog!

- Comin' my dear!

- Come here this instant!

Dog! Dog! Speak up, damn it!

Oh, woof woof! Bloody woof woof woof!


Hells bells!

The bloody Murhpys!

Oi, piss off!

Don't panic, Dog.

So, you're drowning in a sheep dip. Could be worse.

You could be drowning in a cess-pit.

What a pity. You were such a promising puppy.

You alright in there, little man?

Uncle Wallace has a farm. What do you think of that?

Wal Footrot then has placed the ball. The nation is on 10.

Look, he's 60m out. 65, 70, he's possibly 80m out.

Nearly a number 3 stand.

He comes in:
one step...

Two, three mighty strides.

The crowd will tell you his ticket.

It's a goal! He's done it! Wal Footrot has done it!

New Zealand wins! Oh my God, my God!

Oh God, the floor is damp.

I thoroughly didn't mean to do that either.

Socks. I had socks here last week.

Two of them from memory.

Ah, yes, here.

Cripes, they'll need changing.

Oh well.

A marginal improvement.

Oh well, everything in order.

Ah, that's better.

Oh hell, Aunt Dolly!

There, there.

Let go, you ratbag. Let go...

Let go!

Good. Cat in the fridge's gotta be wrong.

Every fashionable person will be wearing this.



G'day, Aunty.

What a nice surprise!

How nice to see you, Wallace.

Looking as immaculate as ever.

How's my little nephew keeping then?

Oh, a box of birds, Aunty.

Hmmm... This place could do with a woman's touch.

Oh, I can look after me self.

Oh, I wish I could stay here, Wallace.

But I have to get back home to Tauranga.

Oh, what a shame.

I've just come down to drop you off a little present from the cat's home.

Not a cat!

No, silly! It's the puppy your brother promised you.

Oh, yeah? Rex's pup?

What's wrong with it?

He's shy.

Aren't ya, darling?

What do you, umm, call him?

Well, I call him...

How strange...

He used to be such a good-natured little fella.

OK, come here.


How about that, Dog? Does that suit you?


Come on, fella!

Major, this is the new dog.

Dog, this is Major. Me up-and-coming pig dog.

Cool it, Dog, cool it.

Come on. I'll show you your kennel.

There you go. Sleep tight, little fella.

Here's the sack.

I'll be jiggered. There you go, girl.

How do you like that?

You know? I think, I'll call you Jess.

Careful, Pew! You go easy on that little fella.


You two snuggle up in there.

Breakie's at 6.



What's up, mate?

Umm... G'day, kid.

G'day, Wal.

Are you looking for something?

Ah... Look, I'll leave it with you, Cooch.


I lost me little Dog.

A ripper of a pup it was, Cooch, mate.

Muscles like steel cables.

Fangs like a row of broken bottles.

Nothing like that funny looking thing sitting on your boot?

Ah, no. Well, umm, could be.

As a matter of fact, yes.

That little sod, is trying to tear me boots to pieces, I'd say. Eh?

Down, Dog! Down, I say.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Footrot Flats The Dogs Tale" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 18 May 2021. <>.

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