Fanny Pack

---

Yeah

[]

Yeah

Hey

Yeah

[]

- I won't let Dad control me.

- No, he loves you!

He's...

He's just trying

to understand you,

that's all.

- Mom, I'm 25.

He's never going to understand.

- You know, you're just

as stubborn as he is.

- Tell him that I love him.

- You can tell him that.

- Mom, I'm going to New York.

This photography exhibit

can put me on the map.

- Yes, but...

You know, your father

thinks you're dating a BMW!

[Engine starts]

- What's a BMW?

- A Black, Muslim, or White.

- Love you, Mom.

- Wait, are you?

[Phone ringing]

- Hey, Babe.

- Hey, babe.

What's up?

You on your way?

- Yes, yes. I'm on my way.

- Mmm, I miss you so much.

Look, babe,

what are you wearing?

- Traveling clothes.

- No, underneath that.

What are you wearing?

- Babe, I'm driving.

- Please tell me

the color of them panties.

- [Laughing]

Babe, it's too early for this.

- It's never too early.

- Aww.

Oh, babe. I miss you.

- [ Growls]

I'm trying to see what them

panties look like.

- Okay?

Well, I'm not wearing any --

- Who's Babe?

- [Screams]

[Horn honks]

- Dad!

What the hell

are you doing here?

- Yes? Hello, Babe!

Who are you?

[Cellphone beeps]

- Dad.

- Who's Babe?

- We have nothing

to talk about!

- We have plenty

to talk about!

Tell me!

- You've crossed the line

this time.

- Are you staying with Babe

in New York?

Talk to me!

[Cellphone beeps]

Oh, God. Don't tell me

you're dating a Pakistani.

You're dating a Pakistani!

Perfect!

[]

You can't park here.

- The white zone is for

immediate loading

and unloading...

- Open the child-lock.

- Thanks for the surprise, Dad.

- ...no parking.

- Bye.

- You can't park here!

- Excuse me! Excuse me, sir.

You can't park here.

Sir?

[Indistinct conversations]

- Hi.

Flight 704 to New York, please.

- Okay.

Are you travelling alone?

- Yes.

- You look very exotic.

With your hair color,

I just can't tell

where you're from.

- I'm from Los Angeles.

- Right on. So am I!

I'm local, you're local.

We should hang out.

There's a great place

in Silver Lake.

You have any baggage?

- No.

- Yes.

Me.

- No.

- I'm with her.

- No, he's not.

Dad?

- I'm her father.

- Is this your father?

- No.

- Yes, my ID.

And I'd like a seat

next to my daughter, please.

- You're not coming

to New York with me.

- I'm an old man

who wants to travel.

I've never been to New York.

- Oh, wow.

- He went two weeks ago.

- You know, uh,

when she was younger,

I used to carry her tickets,

passport, money,

everything with me right here.

Now, I just have my own.

I'm all alone.

- Can I have my boarding pass,

please?

- And my only daughter's

embarrassed to sit next to me.

- Don't listen to him.

- Geez.

- I hate you, Dad.

- Excuse me, sir.

Run away.

That's what you're best at.

I know why you don't

want me at this exhibit.

It's because you're having

adult sleepovers

before marriage.

- Sir, this is a line.

- Yeah.

- Excuse me.

- Excuse me.

This is my daughter.

Would you mind very much

if I stood?

- Excuse me.

- Thank you.

- Excuse me, ma'am?

Can I just...

- In our country,

we have rules!

- This is my country.

- People, have your

shoes and jackets off

in the gray bins.

Let's keep this moving.

- Dad, stop following me.

- I have to follow you.

I'm in a line.

- You're just

embarrassing yourself.

- You want to know

what's embarrassing?

I'm the only member of

the Indian Doctors' Association

to have their child

drop out of medical school.

That's embarrassing.

All I ever wanted was for you

to become a doctor!

- Shh.

I never wanted

to become a doctor.

I just wanted

to make you proud.

- Then make me proud

by becoming a doctor!

- Dad, Papa, I'm done.

I'm done fighting with you.

- I just want you to have

a stable profession.

- I'm an artist.

- Do you know how much

we spent on your education?

- My photography

has been featured

in "La Couture De La Paris."

It's an important

French magazine.

- The picture with the breasts?

- You never had the eye

for real art.

- Picture taking

is not a stable profession!

- It's photography, Dad.

- Photography, pornography,

it's all the same thing.

When you were a little girl,

you used to say to me,

"Daddy, when I grow up,

I want to become a doctor

just like you."

- I was 7.

I believed in unicorns.

- You know, you look like

a hippie clown with that hair.

- Why are you insulting me?

- Purple hippie.

- Go home to Mom.

- Oh, insulting your father

in public is very nice.

- Yes!

[Body scanner beeps]

- I'm not proud

to be your father,

I'll tell you that.

[ Man speaks indistinctly over P.A.]

It's stuck.

This thing's broken.

[Body scanner beeps]

Would you stop being

a hippie clown

criminal pornographer

for just one second

and help your father?

- No! Stop talking to me!

- Sir, you're holding up

the line.

- Dad, what's that hanging

from your bag?

- It's a fuse!

- That's a bomb.

- Sir, put your hands

up in the air!

- What?

[Alarm blares]

- Put your hands over your head.

- Security! Gate 5!

- Security, gate 5!

- Security, gate 5!

- No, that's my father!

- She's coming through!

- Clear the area!

Clear the area!

- Keep still, sir.

- But I'm a urologist!

[Alarms blaring]

- Got this, uh, brown guy.

Think he's Pakistani.

Got his fanny pack here.

- [Muffled laughter]

Your mother's going to kill me.

- Mm.

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