
Excision
(0.00 / 0 votes)( gurgling )
( gasps )
( moaning )
( gasps )
What do we do when we
use the bathroom, Bob?
We lift the lid.
l did.
You're disgusting.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Really, Pauline, l raised
you better than that.
Yes, you may be excused.
Thank goodness l have you.
Hm.
( bell rings )
Much has changed
since l was an adolescent.
The function of reproductive
organs, however, has not.
Now before we get side-tracked
looking at pictures of penises,
I want to have
a frank discussion
on the issue
of sexual transmitted diseases.
Fact:
One in twosexually active teenagers
will contract an STD
by the age of 25.
Yeah, PauIine?
having sex with a dead person?
( chuckles )
Any real questions
in this audience?
Yeah?
that has AIDS...
No, I mean,
it would be one thing
if he was like muscular
and a ginger.
But he's scrawny and a ging
and it just doesn't work.
Oh, my God, you're so mean.
l think he's cute.
Okay, so last night Adam
couId not get hard
- and it was like totally awkward.
Okay, tell me the truth.
ls it this?
Like--
Please don't do that.
- ls it? Just tell me the truth.
- No.
- Kind of.
- ( laughs )
- Maybe he's gay.
- No.
Hey.
What did l miss?
Hey, nothing.
Your girlfriend's friend
thinks you're gay.
Excuse me?
You're not pretty enough.
Buckle up.
l'm your mother,
it's my job and it's the law.
Buckle your seatbelt!
We're not going any further
untiI you do.
Thank you.
lf you want to be treated as an adult,
you need to start acting like one.
l don't understand why you insist
on playing these childish games?
Tell me about your day.
l'd rather not.
Tell me two things about your day
or l'm gonna hit the truth horn.
F*** the truth horn.
( horn honking )
All right, enough!
and sexuaIIy
transmitted diseases.
Lovely.
We don't want to be late
for your appointment.
You could you at least
have the decency
to take me to an actual
psychiatrist.
Your father and I are
not made out of money.
Reverend William
is a very bright man.
You're Iucky to have him.
He's doing you a real favor.
What's the matter, Pauline?
What's the church's stance
on organ donations?
Well, it's a touchy subject.
Here we believe the body
is a tempIe.
And what if l told you l found
the resting pIace
of Jesus Christ
in my backyard
and that with just a few advances
in science and technoIogy
l'd say that you are a very
troubIed IittIe girI.
I onIy want you to endure
the same gut-wrenching agony
during these sessions
that l go through
to your sermons.
Thank you!
l know l don't believe in you.
So you're totaIIy justified
I just-- I've been meaning
to get something off my chest.
l haven't read your book
in its entirety.
Just can't bring myself to invest that
much time into a work of Iiterature
that's received so many
mixed reviews.
l'm an avid reader.
There's just so much
stuff out there.
Okay, here goes.
l'm planning on having
premarital sex.
I know you're not gonna
be 100% onboard with it.
Which is why l was wondering
if we couId discuss
your rules surrounding
forgiveness.
I'm under the impression
if l ask you to forgive me,
you kind of have to.
Which is pretty awesome,
I just got to say.
lf l'm off-base, let me know.
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"Excision" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 25 May 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/excision_7833>.
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