El Camino Christmas

Synopsis: The project, scripted by Melfi and writer Chris Wehner, is about a young man (Grimes) who seeks out a father he has never met and, through no fault of his own, ends up barricaded in a ...
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Director(s): David E. Talbert
Production: Netflix
89 min


Don't shoot!


Hold your fire!

Hold your fire, damn it!


Dnde est Santa Claus?

Dnde est Santa Claus?

And the toys that he will leave?


Oh, where is Santa Claus?

I look for him because

Shut up.

I know that I should be sleeping

But maybe he's not far away

So out of the window, I'm peeping

Hoping to see him in his sleigh

I hope he won't forget

To crack his castanets

And to his reindeer say

Oh, Pancho! Oh, Vixen!

Oh, Pedro! Oh, Blitzen!

Ol, ol, ol, ol, ol! Santa Claus!


Once again, no snow here, folks.

That's 40 consecutive years

without a white Christmas for El Camino.

- Mm-mmm.

- Boo-hoo, I say.

- There were three?

- They were damn terrorists.

It was so dark, I barely had time

to get to my flashlight.

But maybe he's not far away

So out of the window, I'm peeping

Hoping to see him in his sleigh

I hope he won't forget

To crack his castanets

And to his reindeer say

Oh, Pancho! Oh, Vixen!

Oh, Pedro! Oh, Blitzen!

Ol, ol, ol, ol, ol! Santa Claus!


I'll make sure we do a better job

for you.

Oh, where is Santa Claus?

It's Christmas Eve

All right, Mamacita, I'll go sleep now

Fran, where the hell's Carl?

Right where he always is.


Where were you last night, Carl?

I was out on patrol, as always I am.

That right?

Talbert kid,

cookin' meth in his old man's barn.

Lit himself up.


Well, that kid's always been trouble.

You didn't take any calls last night,


Your cruiser's parked

as crooked as it was when I left here.

- Maybe I park crooked.

- Maybe you don't give a shit anymore.



I've been serving in this uniform

for 25 years.

Yeah, well, you haven't booked

a narcotics offense in over a year.

In fact, all you have done

is push your weight around.

False arrests, unwarranted searches.

God knows what else!

My situation is being taken care of

by the legal system, and you know that.

There's only one thing I know for sure,

and that's what's in that goddamn cup.

Worse goes on in this town

than some junkie burning down

his daddy's barn.


Uh, do y'all have any rooms for tonight?

That depends.

How many are you looking for?

Uh, just one.

Just one?

'Cause you said "rooms," plural.

- Yeah, it's just me, so just one room.

- Oh.

One singular room.

We take cash and credit card,

personalized checks

with a validated and unexpired license.

I'll do card.

Well, goddamn.

That's a fancy card.

Where you in from?

Mind if I just get the room, man?

It's been a long drive.

Yeah. Tuckered out?

Declined. This card is no good.

Oh. Telling me to call, whatnot.

Oh, that's all right. I'll pay cash.

Yeah, I still gotta call.

No, it's all right. Here. I'll do it.

You don't wanna sit on hold forever.

All right. You got a point there.

Down by the Wrangler jeans

Whose car is that out there?

This fella's. It's nice, right?

- Yeah, it's mine.

- I need your license.

Here you go.

Eric Norris.

You're a long way from Missouri, huh?

Hmm. What year is that car?

Uh, it's a '70-something.

- Things like trampolines

- I'm gonna put you in three.

Just past two.

If you get to four, you've gone too far.

- All right?

- All right.

I'll hold on to the 100 for incidentals.

Enjoy your stay.

- Yes, I'm a ballerina

- Thank you.

A ballet dancer on her tippy-toes

I said

A ballet dancer on her tippy-toes

We got married in a Walmart

Down by the franks and beans

Killed a guy in Texas

Stole my grandma's Hyundai

Now my face is on a magazine

Makin' love and then just makin' bacon

Wiping down the Foreman grill

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Theodore Melfi

Theodore Melfi is an American film director, screenwriter, and producer. He is best known for his feature length debut film St. Vincent starring Bill Murray. more…

All Theodore Melfi scripts | Theodore Melfi Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "El Camino Christmas" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 17 Apr. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/el_camino_christmas_7528>.

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