Eating Out

Coming!

Who is it?

Phone service ma'am.

Phone service ma'am.

Hi.

Howdy ma'am.

The phone. it's in my

boudoir.

it works fine ma'am.

Does it?

You didn't call me for the

phone.

I did.

Where do you think you're

going?

Maybe this isn't such a good

idea.

You called me for a reason.

Okay...

I thought you were cute.

You like that, huh.

Please.

Hold still.

Please...

stop, this isn't funny.

it's not funny to call in fake

phone trouble and waste my time.

You're scaring me.

Damn right, bitch.

Stop!

I have a stun gun in here!

Go for it.

Did you come?

No...

did you?

No, I was faking it for you.

I was faking it for you!

Jesus Christ, I thought you

were-

I thought You were coming.

I'm sorry Tiffani, i-

I can't get into it with you

Caleb, You didn't even

grab my titties.

it didn't occur to me.

My titties didn't occur to

you?

Look at them Caleb.

They occur to every man i

meet.

But not you!

I don't think this is working.

I can be meaner.

I need a little shake en' bake

in my iife.

I need to feel...

dirty.

Filthy.

You're so...

S.u.V.

Double coupons.

Family fun.

I'll break stuff next time.

Caleb, it's over.

Tiffani...

Good-bye.

I waited twenty-four days to

have sex with you.

Well

I didn't want to seem like a

slut.

Tiffani...

Caleb?

Leave. I gotta jetta.

My belt?

Fucking bitch!

I'm still not buying it.

Give me another chance.

I am not...

a slot machine.

Goodbye Caleb.

You're a...

decent boy.

Nice ass.

Heterosexuals are a fucked

up species.

Twenty-four days!

And then one week of not

raping her mean enough

and then I get shut out!

Almost like a computer man.

You do every little thing right.

and then wham

sad face fatal error

For us, sex on the first date

is a given.

You figure out hardware

mismatches

and move on.

Oh, well it's just so easy bake

for you.

Most guys don't know when

to

stop moving on.

At least you get laid all the

time.

Hey, it's like 104 days

between dates for me,

because I don't look like you.

Like me?

I am not gonna stroke your

gorgeous,

muscular ego.

So what happened to that

Jason thing?

Justin.

Guys around here are like

day-old donuts,

I mean I eat them because

they're there,

but you don't want to invest

anything in them.

At least you got a whole box

right there.

You don't have to starve.

Caleb, I'm on Friendster,

my life is so Not-Having-Sex

and the City right now.

if oniy I were gay.

Honey,

come out or stay in,

do not Heche me into a

Mariah.

I don't mean literally.

Oh of course, liliterally.

You know what I mean.

You know

it's easier for us to get

chicks too.

Straight girls love gay boys.

I could have any girl I wanted.

Shut the f*ck.

Serial killer.

Remember Marcy Brooks?

Shut the f*ck! Milkshake

Marcy?

Senior year, right after i

came out,

senior year

she offered to Hoover me.

To see if she could she could

cure me.

But you were a geekazold.

No offense.

Because I'm gay.

Now I really want to be a fag.

You and Ricky Martin both.

Jennifer Seaver.

Jenny the Beaver!? Fire-

crotch?

Shoves her fist in my pants.

Full-on grabs my corndog.

Swearto God I was gonna

puked.

They feel safe with us

because we're not a threat.

Like how they get naked in

front of puppies.

We're just puppies with dicks.

You know, some girls with

their puppies-

let them eat them right out.

Read that in the Kinsey

report.

My spec-i-a-lity.

What I woulda done with the

Beav.

impregnated her.

Got a shit job.

Sounds real hot.

She's not even your type.

So

you think more girls would go

for me if they thought I was gay.

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