Eating Out: All You Can Eat

Synopsis: Tiffani and her friend Casey try to lure the gorgeous Zack with a phony online profile using the image of Tiffani's buff ex, Ryan... which works fine until the real Ryan shows up. Only through some fancy footwork, advice from his Aunt Helen and mentor Harry, and a daring sexual escapade can Casey figure out how to set things right and perhaps even find the love he's been seeking.
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance
Director(s): Glenn Gaylord
Production: Ariztical Entertainment
 
IMDB:
6.0
Metacritic:
24
Rotten Tomatoes:
17%
NOT RATED
Year:
2009
80 min
7 Views

- Come, come to me,

mi hijo.

- Tiffani, you are crying.

Why, my darling?

- Oh, Ernesto,

it's just I've been

with so many men.

- Have there been many?

- No.

- It will not matter

if you have been

with millions of men.

- Well,

you're getting warm.

With other men it's just sex.

Random trashy sex

that goes on for days.

But with you,

I will finally make love.

Oh, Ernesto,

I totally love you.

- I want to make

many children.

- Yes, children.

Put children in me now!

F*ck me now!

Harder, Ernesto, come on.

Oh, yes, f*ck me

like a day laborer.

Yeah, baby,

take me from behind.

Use me, treat me

like a f*ck machine.

Rarrr, rarrr, rarrr!

- In the butt?

- Yes, in the butt, now.

- Tiffani, we must stop.

- If you stop

I'll rip off your dick

and shove it in there myself.

- Tiffani,

we're in a coffin.

- Shut up,

you're ruining my fantasy.

- Tiffani.

- Shit, my speech.

Gracias, Ernesto.

I love funerals.

- Kyle and Mark loved life,

and that's why

we're here today.

My son was so proud

of his homosexuality

that he would want you all

to know exactly how he died.

My son rocketed off

this mortal coil

at 80 miles an hour

down the Ronald Regan freeway

while giving the man he loved

a blowjob.

According

to the autopsy report,

as Mark began to bust a nut,

Celine Dion's tour bus appeared

going in the wrong direction.

Upon impact,

my boys came together.

And they died together,

doing what they loved.

Amen.

Kyle's best friend,

Tiffani Vanderslut,

has prepared a special tribute.

- I wouldn't call us

best friends exactly.

This number goes out to you,

Kyle and Mark.

Kinda sucks they're dead, huh?

I remember the time

Kyle pretended to be straight

for my ex boyfriend, Troy,

who made him eat my pussy.

And then everything went...

Well, maybe that's not

an appropriate memory.

And Mark.

Actually I hardly knew you

but whatever,

thanks for coming.

Here's a little diddy

I learned in Girl Scouts.

I had to look up the lyrics

online.

# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #

# Someone's praying, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Someone's praying, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Someone's praying, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #

# Someone's praying, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Someone's squirming, #

# my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Someone's horny, my lord, #

# cum-by-ya. #

# Oh yes, my lord! #

# Cum-by-ya. #

Oh, God, it's so hard,

I just need to...

pray.

- Lord,

hear our prayer.

- I'm gonna love

this town.

- It isn't much,

but I can give you

a good deal on the rent.

- It's perfection.

- You haven't seen it.

- It's near my Aunt,

what more could I want?

- Well, it is furnished

and it'll be nice

to have family around.

- Thank you, Aunt Helen.

- I just wish you and Kyle

could've spent

more time together.

Did he know you were a mo?

- Uh...

I didn't know I was a mo

until like a year ago.

- Color me, Britney.

I always thought you were gayer

than a midnight screening

of Showgirls.

- I was

one of those clueless gays.

Everyone knew but me.

- So when did you finally

get your man-cherry popped?

- Aunt Helen!

You don't wanna hear about that.

- Of course I do.

I wouldn't be a good aunt

if I didn't.

- 696? Is that local?

- Well, I gave your number

to that slut

from the funeral, Tiffani.

- Oh, I love her.

- Kyle adored her.

And, well, I thought

you might need some new friends,

even if they are loser whores.

- Hello?

- Casey, Casey.

- Hey, Tiffani.

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Phillip J. Bartell

Phillip John Bartell (born February 18, 1970) is an American film editor, screenwriter, producer and director. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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