Dumb & Dumber


Excuse me.

Could you tell me how to get

to the medical school?

I'm supposed to be doing a lecture

in about 20 minutes,

and my driver's

a bit lost.

You go straight ahead,

and, uh, you make a left

over the bridge.

That's a lovely accent

you have.

- New Jersey?

- Austria.

Austria! Ha ha!

Well, then...

G'day, mate.

Let's put another

shrimp on the barbie.

Let's not.


# Boom shack-a-lak-a,

what the people want #

# Women them a flex

and the men them a chant #

# 'Ca' the '60s style,

it have fe come back #

# Draw fe bell-bottom,

block heel and frock #

# Boom shak-a-lak,

rude boy #

# Here when we tell

them now, sir #

# Wine your body,

wriggle your belly #

# Dip and go down-ee

in the new stylee #

# Wine and go up,

wine and go down #

# Bubble and a rocka

to the new style around #

# You fe line it up,

you fe wine it up #

# Do the Boom shak-a-lak

till the dance hall fill up #

# I say the Boom shack-a-lak

are the brand new style #

# Wicked say it wicked,

jah jah, no say it wild #

# Ragamuffin style

fe the discipline child #

# Dip and go downa

'ca'it well versatile #

# You fe move fe your waist,

move fe your back #

# Wine and go down,

do the shack-a-lak-a-lak #

# Get in a groove

'ca'you are the top notch #

# Bubble and a wine gal

right 'pon the spot. #

Now, who's got

the wiener schnitzel?


There you go, Dolf.

There you go, buddy.


Let's see.

Next, we got

roast beef au jus.

Who's got

the roast beef au jus?

Stella, beautiful.

Bon appetit, Stella.

Oui oui, yeah.

Walk away.

Go on. Go on.

Last but not least...


Who's got the foot-long?

There you...

very funny, rascal.

Very funny.

In your dreams.

Harry, why haven't you

dropped those dogs off at the show yet?

Uh, sir, I didn't

want to send them

to a performance

on an empty stomach, sir.

- Get a move on it!

- Yes, sir.

Mutt cutts.


Suck me sideways.


How are you?

Uh-uh-uh... uh...


I'll be out

in one minute.


Why are you going

to the airport?

Flying somewhere?

How'd you guess?

I saw your luggage.

Then when I noticed

the airline ticket,

I put two and two


So where're you headed?


Mmm... California.


Name's Christmas,

Lloyd Christmas.

I'm Mary Swanson.

This isn't my real job,

you know.

- No?

- Nope, my friend Harry and I

are saving up our money

to open our own pet store.

That's nice.

- I got worms.

- I beg your pardon?

That's what we're going to call it...

I Got Worms.

We're going to specialize

in selling worm farms,

you know,

like ant farms.

What's the matter?

A little tense

about the flight?

Something like that.

There's really nothing

to worry about, Mary.


they say you're more likely

to get killed

on the way to the airport,

you know, like in a head-on crash

or flying off a cliff

or getting trapped

under a gas truck...

That's the worst.

I have this cousin...

well, I had this cousin.

Lloyd, could you keep

your eyes on the road, please?

Oh. Yeah.

Good thinking.

Can't be too careful.

A lot of bad drivers

out there.

Hey, watch it!

Okay, gang,

you know the rules...

no humping, no pushing,

no sniffing heinies.

Where have you been? My dogs were

supposed to be here 40 minutes ago!

Now I hardly have any time

to primp them.

Don't worry about a thing,

Mrs. Neugy-burger.

- Neugeboren!

- Neug-neug-neug...

- Boren!

- Boren.

These pooches aren't going to

need any primping.

You know why?

I'll tell you why.

Because I bathed them

and I clipped them myself.

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Peter Farrelly

Peter John Farrelly (born December 17, 1956) is an American film director, screenwriter, producer and novelist. The Farrelly brothers are mostly famous for directing and producing gross-out humor romantic comedy films such as Dumb and Dumber, Shallow Hal, Me, Myself and Irene, There's Something About Mary and the 2007 remake of The Heartbreak Kid. In addition to his extensive film career, Peter is also an acting board member of the online media company DeskSite. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Dumb & Dumber" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 13 Jul 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dumb_%252526_dumber_7350>.

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