Drillbit Taylor

Synopsis: Homeless veteran Bob 'Drillbit' Taylor manages to enjoy life anyhow and even saves some cash for his dream, an 'all-paid' move to Alaska, even if that may take many years. His dream comes within reach when clever nerd Wade, has fat friend Ryan 'T-dog' and cocky shrimp Jim, all new to high-school, are bullied so badly by emancipated Filkins and his buddies that they advertise for a bodyguard. Only Drillbit seems affordable and not crazy, so he's hired and drains their pocket-money and home content. He's clueless how to protect them but gives them (bogus) self-defense classes.
Genre: Comedy, Drama
Director(s): Steven Brill
Production: Paramount Pictures
  1 win & 2 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
110 min

Please enjoy the music

while your party is reached.

- Hello?

- So what do you think?

- About what?

- About tomorrow.

It's our first day of high school.

If we want to be popular,

we just have to be proactive.

Calm your proactive ass down.

Saying you want to be popular

guarantees it isn't gonna happen.

I'm gonna get a girlfriend.

You think that's possible?

Anything's possible, Wade.

Just don't be needy.

You got to let it come to you.

And one more thing.

From now on,

I don't want you calling me Ryan.

Call me T-Dog.

- T-Dog?

- Yep.

- What does the "T" stand for?

- I don't know.

- But it sounds better than R-Dog.

- Yeah.

You know, like, if a hot girl

went up to you, and she goes,

"Hey, have you met T-Dog?

Man, did you see what T-Dog did today?

"Man, that T-Dog is crazy!"

That sounds like a guy

every woman would want to know.

- Hey, do I need a nickname?

- You have one. Skeletor.

That was last year.

I look good now. I'm filling out.

All right, name one part of your body

that filled out, Wade.

Name one part of your body

that isn't filled out, huh?

I'm not trying to offend you.

I'm just saying you shot up too fast

and you're freakishly skinny.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're too fat

and that's equally unattractive.

- You wanna go there?

- I'm sorry.

It's just, I want things to go well,

you know?

- Sorry I said you're freakishly skinny.

- It's okay.

You just are.

Hey, go to sleep!

It's 3:
00 in the morning!

- What are you, crazy?

- Sorry.

- Is that your stepdad?

- No one.

- Give me that phone! Give it!

- It's...

You're in high school now.

Don't take his...

Go to sleep.

How about some

chicks on the walls in here?

It's like a nerd paradise.

Time to make the donuts.



We won! We won the game!

And Wade loses again!

- Get out of my room!

- Dad said get up.

He's not my dad. He's your dad.

Fine, the guy who does your mom

says get up.

- Just leave!

- Loser!

Morning, sunshine. First day of school.

- Mom!

- Oh, my God!

Since when did you start

sleeping naked?

I'm in high school now,

don't you remember?

I don't like elastic squeezing

on my ass when I sleep!


Hey! What are you doing

in this shower?

Dawn? Rachel, that's right.

Nice to see you.

Put your hands up

Put your hands up

I'm the best white rapper

you've ever seen

A hair!

- Oh, my God!

- Look at that.

Thank you, ladies!

What's up, winners? You stoked?

Pedal to the metal?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

All right. Who's a winner?

- I am!

- I am!


- Look at you, with your magic stick.

- What do you think?

Magic is stupid.

No, no, honey.

- Mom!

- What?

You forgot the sausages!

- I'll get the sausages.

- Come on. I'm hungry.

All right, I'll get the sausages.

Excuse me, listen,

I'm really sorry to bother you.

My family and I, we just ran out of gas

and we're trying to get to the kids

to SeaWorld.

And, I, like an idiot forgot my wallet.

If I can just...

- Your legs work okay?

- Yeah, why?

You should walk somewhere

and get a job.

- Harold...

- I'll take care of it.

That's what I have, a job.

We'll get to SeaWorld

one way or the other.

We're on our way to church.

Maybe that's where you ought to go.

Thank you. Have a great day.

- Can you help out a veteran?

- Not today.

- Get away from the car.

- Honey, roll up the window.

Get away!

- What's your name?

- Drillbit.

Listen, Drillbit, I wasn't born yesterday.

I don't want you using this on

any marijuana or rye whiskey, okay?

- You got my word on it.

- You know what?

- I'm gonna write "not for pot" on there.

- You don't have to write.

Yeah. "Not for pot."

You're gonna feel pretty silly if you try

to buy weed with that, won't you?

Remember, put your best foot forward.

People decide what they think about you

in the first five seconds.

So, let me smell your breath.


- You swipe on some deodorant?

- Yeah.

- You dust the nuts?

- No, Jim. I did not dust my nuts.

I'll never get tired of that one, Dad.

You know, you should hit the weights

with the boys and me.

- I'll pass.

- We'll get you in the gym.

We'll beef you up. Look at these guys.

Show them. Give him a gun shot.

Give him a crab.

Worship the sun.

- Yeah, look at these guys.

- They're freaks.

Not in my house!

- Have a great day.

- Okay, I love you, Dad.

I love you, too.

Have fun at school, Ryan. Bye.

- So what'd your dad say?

- He told me to have fun.

Wow, great parenting.

I don't know how

we're surviving without him.

- Sorry.

- It's okay.

- He's a piece of sh*t, anyway.

- Thank you, honey.

- Enchant.

- Hello.

You got room for two

in this little speedster?

I am in a rush now. But I hostess up

at Moon Shadows on the one.

So if you get up there just, you know,

ask for me. I'm Jessica.

- Thanks, Jessica.

- Yeah.

'Cause our chef, Louis,

always makes too much chowder.

So he'll set you up with

a nice plastic bowl of it out back.

- You're late today.

- Hey, get a job!

- You get a job.

- I already got one, giving money to you.

- How're you doing, Mrs. Lampanelli?

- All right.

- You look beautiful today.

- You're a liar. But it works for me.

- Go on, get out of here, you nut!

- You earned it.

And don't spend it on food. Porn only!

First day of high school.

- It's kind of scary.

- Yeah, it sucks taking the bus.

Sure, last year we were the oldest

so we got to sit in the back of the bus,

but now we'll probably have to sit

in the front with the losers.

We'll be all right.

You have to have a proactive attitude

if you wanna be popular in high school.

People decide what they think of you

in the first five seconds.

I think you're a dork.

Oh, Wade.

- Oh, no.

- This is uncool.

We can't start high school like this.

You got to be shitting me. Come on.

- Please, am I dreaming here?

- No.

We're never allowed

to buy the same shirt again!

Whoever sees it first gets to buy it.

You guys should wear

red ribbons in your hair, too.

See? We both look like dorks.

Go change.

No! I'm the one who was

planning on wearing this.

Wade, I run the mile in 21 minutes!

How fast do you think I can go?

- Go! Hurry!

- I'm going!

Wade, bus!

- Perfect!

- Come on!

What a way to start high school, huh?

Let me guess.

Two-for-one sale at Hot Topic?

- Losers!

- Dorks!

We're dead.

First day of our high school careers.

All right, let's light this fuse

and see what happens.

- Let's go, man.

- All right.

Are you guys part of a bowling team?

Last one.

Hey, at least it'll be easy

to find each other.

Yeah. I'll just look

for the kid with the same shirt.

- Come on!

- No, you have to spin it a few times first

to get it to work.

Thank you.

No, wait! Wait!

- What are you guys doing? Guys!

- Now, shut it. Move!

- No, thanks.

- Guys!

- Get out of the way!

- Man!

- Here we go.

- But that... That's not for me.

- That's for my books!

- Okay, here we go.

- In there.

- I am not a book!

- Get in there!

- This is bad.

- This isn't my locker! Please!

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Kristofor Brown

Kristofor Brown is an American writer, producer, director and voice actor. He was head writer of MTV's Beavis and Butt-Head. He made his feature film writing debut for the 2008 comedy Drillbit Taylor, which he also co-produced. Brown is a graduate from the University of Wisconsin–Oshkosh where he was a member of Sigma Pi fraternity. He received an Outstanding Young Alumni Award from UW-Oshkosh in 1994. He did voice-over work on numerous Beavis and Butt-Head episodes, specials and the feature film Beavis and Butt-Head Do America. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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