Don Verdean

Synopsis: Hired by an ambitious small-town pastor to find sacred relics in the Holy Land, a self-proclaimed Biblical archaeologist comes up short and his attempt to cover up his failure fuels a comic conspiracy from the filmmaking team behind Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre. DON VERDEAN stars Sam Rockwell, Amy Ryan, Jemaine Clement, Leslie Bibb, with Will Forte, and Danny McBride.
Director(s): Jared Hess
Production: Lionsgate Films
 
IMDB:
5.4
Metacritic:
39
Rotten Tomatoes:
30%
PG-13
Year:
2015
90 min
$30,525
Website
16 Views

( MUSIC PLAYING )

NARRATOR:
For the last 12 years,

Biblical archaeologist Don Verdean

has received worldwide acclaim

for his incredible

discoveries in the Holy Land.

- ( CHEERING )

- Don's discoveries have touched the lives

of countless millions,

confirming their faith and

the miraculous narratives

found in the Bible.

On his latest trip

to the Middle East,

Don contacted Adabi

Hassan from Saudi Arabia,

who agreed to accompany

Don to a location

rumored to be the burial site

of Samson from the Bible.

But, sadly, upon their arrival,

all that remained of the

site was a large, empty hole

caused by looting

the previous month.

Don was devastated.

Adabi then informed him

of a lesser known location

in the valley of Sorek.

After months of intense excavation,

Don made the discovery

of a lifetime...

iron shears dating

back over 3,000 years.

Could these be the very blades

used to strip Samson

of his strength?

Don decided to share his findings

with Dr. Stelios Patrokolis,

world-renowned for his excavations

of the Byzantine Empire.

After reviewing the forensic data,

Dr. Patrokolis made the

following statement:

I'll bet.

NARRATOR:
After this brief

interview with Dr. Patrokolis,

Don's discovery was made public.

He now travels the world

sharing his message of faith

to a whole new

generation of believers.

The tireless efforts of Don Verdean

will continue to bless

millions everywhere.

( PEOPLE COUGHING )

Next question.

Yeah?

Mr. Verdean, there's a... a, uh, letter.

Well, it's an online document

that's received wide distribution

throughout the ministry, as

I'm... I'm sure you've seen it.

It's, for the record, from the, uh,

Israeli Antiquities Authority.

I'd like to share that,

if that's all right.

DON:
Yes, go right ahead.

"Thank you for your inquiry dated July 13th"

asking about Don Verdean.

We cannot confirm his finds

and have no information

about them whatsoever.

If he says he has

excavated in Israel,

he has committed an illegal act.

We have never heard of this man,

nor have we had any

dealings with him.

Legitimate archaeology finds

are published in professional journals

or by universities and

other scientific institutes.

Sincerely yours, Nahum Ishalom,

"spokesman for Israeli Antiquities."

DON:
Thank you. Thank

you for reading that.

( CHURCH BELL TOLLING )

Now, uh,

Satan takes advantage

of situations like this.

There's two things happening here.

One, the Israelis don't

want this discovery confirmed

until, you know,

it can be done in a manner

that won't cause a bloodbath.

Two, all of my excavating was done

in a very public place,

and had I done it without a permit,

I can assure you I would've

been thrown in prison.

Unfortunately, this is how

the Israelis handle things.

If you ask any of them

if they know Don Verdean,

they'll say they don't.

Carol, did you, uh...

bring that book with you?

The one with my ugly face on the front?

Could you hand it to me?

Thank you.

Now...

if you'll all be so kind

as to look right here.

In this picture, you will

see myself and another man.

This gentleman standing next to me

is none other than Nahum Ishalom,

spokesman for the Israeli Antiquities

and author of the letter

that was just read to you.

When asked if he knew

Don Verdean, he said "no."

But if you look at this picture,

you'll see that the

truth is something else.

- ( APPLAUSE )

- ( MUSIC PLAYING )

Thank you so much.

- You may ask me how I know

- DON:
You bet. Let's take a picture.

- My Lord is real...

- ( CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS )

- Thank you.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Don Verdean" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 23 Aug. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/don_verdean_7095>.

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