Doing Time on 'The Longest Yard'

Genre: Short
12 min

Hey, sexy.

I love that dress.

Of course you do, Lorenzo.

You made it.

- Hi, sweetie.

- Hey, guys.

- There you are.

- Lena.

- You've done it again.

- Well, it's all for you, Bradlee.

Gotta mingle.

Oh, the girls are by the pool.

Well, well, well, Lena. So where's

this sexy boy toy of yours hiding?

I didn't know you were

a football fan, Patrick.

I've never watched a game. I'm just

a big fan of his old underwear ads.

Well, he's probably just getting out of

the shower. Let me go hurry his ass up.

- Hi.

- Hey, babe.

Start of the fourth quarter, and Owens

will throw. He's got Brown wide open!

You have got to be kidding me.

Honey, just let me finish the game,

I'll take you to the movies.

Take me to the movies?

Hello!. There's a huge party

going on downstairs.

Remember the catering trucks

and the valet parkers?

Oh, shit, I forgot.

I'll tell you what

you should forget about.


Because it's forgotten all about you.

Now, you're going to put this outfit on

that I bought you,

drag your drunken ass downstairs

and mingle with my clients

like a good boy.

Who am l? Elton John?

I ain't wearing that shit.

- Yes, you are.

- I'm not your trained monkey, honey.

No. You're much more

expensive than that.

But I tell you what.

If you're not downstairs

in five minutes,

I'm gonna throw you out of my bed,

out of my house and out of my life.

Then you're gonna have to

pay for your own bananas.

I'm just so mad at you

because you're not wearing my gift.


What gift?

It's like a l-love-you gift.

I left it in the closet for you.


Paul, I'm so excited.

I can't believe you did this.

- Where'd you put it?

- In the back, on the right.

Paul? Paul, what are you doing?

I think we need some

alone time, honey,

so I'm gonna go take a cruise

in your Bentley.

Don't you dare take my car,

you drunken bastard!

- I own you!

- I love you.

Somebody please open

this damn door! Patrick?

- Lena?

- Patrick.

What happened to you?

He locked me in the closet

and left me to die.

Oh, my God, he is deranged!

He thinks he can mess with me.

Oh, man.

Here come the party poopers.

Well, well, well. I'll be damned.

If it isn't Paul Crewe.

So, what did I do wrong?

Was I driving poorly?

Nope. Nope.

This car was reported stolen.

No, no, no.

It's actually my girlfriend's car.

Shit happens.

Shit does happen. I mean,

look what happened to your ears.

I gotta ask you something.

Does he get XM Radio with those?

Actually, they get

a couple of channels.

It's Paul Crewe.

Another question, though.

Santa Claus. What's he like?

Boy, I hate to arrest a public figure

like yourself,

but, hell, I don't think

you got too many

endorsement deals to worry about,

now, do you?

Now, listen here, Mr. Frodo.

Don't get short with me.

That was good. I mean, he's good.

Man. I hope you got a lot of money

for that game you threw,

because that was the most pathetic

thing I ever saw.

Now, step out of the vehicle,

Mr. Crewe.

Don't you think I should pull the car

over more? I could get sideswiped.

You're slurring your words a bit there,

Paul. You been drinking tonight?

Absolutely not. Now, could you do me a

favor? Hold this beer while I back it up.

Hey, you can finish that one.

I got five more. Take care, guys.

We got a 3-94 in progress.

Okay, remain calm.

How you doing? What's up?

What's up? What's up?

What you are watching is live footage

of a vehicle, apparently stolen,

being pursued by police.

We're receiving word now

that the driver of that vehicle

is former Pittsburgh football star

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Doing Time on 'The Longest Yard'" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 15 Apr. 2021. <'the_longest_yard'_12788>.

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