Dick Figures: The Movie

Synopsis: Two best friends, Red and Blue, risk everything to find the greatest treasure of all time.
Director(s): Zack Keller, Ed Skudder
Production: Mondo Media
73 min


This is a story about

stick figures who live

in a world full of monsters and

explosions and raccoons

and a lot of other

cool stuff too.

And it all takes place

on a little planet we

like to call Earth.

There it is.

- Fart.

- Who the f*** cares?

- I can't

wait for lunch.

- Oh, my god.

Do you think there are going to

be boys at this school or


- Ew!

Boys have cooties.

- Audios, a**holes.

I'm late for a rave.


- Uh-uh.

Oh, no!

Not the Explosion Factory!


- Where'd you learn to walk--

cripple school?


- If you're happy

and you know it, clap

your hands.


my butt losers.

- Hey, b*tch.

You want a pixie stick?

- My mom says those turn

you into a whore.

- Probably!

- Oh hello, Blue!

- Hey, Lord Tourettes.

- Wow!

First day of class?

- Yeah.

- Splendid!

Mine as well!

Say, there's a young jerk

face looking for you.

Says he wants to beat your

back until you die.

Well, ta-ta.

Ha ha ha!

- Wee.


- Sup, bro.

You new here or what?

- Uh, yeah.

First day.

- Must be 'cause otherwise you'd

know that this seesaw's

for fifth graders.

- Uh, uh, uh, sorry.

I didn't know.

- Yeah?

Price for playing on the

fifth grade playground

is your milk money.

- But I'm lactose intolerant.

- Really?

Well let's see if you're

fist-tose intolerant.

- What's the matter, blue kid?

- My mom says I drink

too much water.

That's how come I cry

so much and pee.

- Gross!

- You know, I got held

back five years,

but my muscles didn't.


Old MacDonald had a farm, now

you're going to die, nerd!

- Huh?

What is that?

- Wow.

- Look, it's an asteroid!


- Uh.


- Sup?

- Huh?

- Oh, my god!

Who is that?

- It's a new kid!

Get him!

- Oh, my god.

You're so sexy.

- I know.

- Dude, you saved my life!

- I know.

- What's your name?

- I know.

Uh, I mean, I'm Red.

- My name is Blue.

No matter what happens,

I promise I will

always be your friend.

- I know cuz I'm awesome!

- Gelato.

Mama mia!


on, Blue, please.

I'm not

going to tell you.


please, please.

- No way.

I got you the greatest birthday

present of all time.

I'm not going to spoil

the surprise.

- You're such a jerk.

- Ah!

Oh, my god!


- Wow!

You a jerk and a wuss.

- No.


- All right you p*ssy.

I got to go to work.

See you later, Blue.

I'll call you tonight.

- Okay, smoopsie poo-poo pie.

- I can't wait to see what you

get me for my birthday.

- Hey, toots!

- Go to hell, Red.

- Okay!

See you there!

- Ahh.


- Dude, this place is a dump.

- You know where there

is a dump?

Your bed.

Ha ha ha!

- God dammit, dude.

Not again.

Use the toilet!

- Gelatto.

- Huh!

Mr. Dingleberry.

- You haven't paid rent

in eight months.

- Oh, my god.

You're right.

Here, let me get my checkbook.


I'll just wait right here.

- Gelato.



- Expired, expired,

rotten, poison.

- Dude, you've been playing

that first

level for three hours.

Can you really not

make that jump?

- I can make it.

I just hate that little guy.

- Ow.

Momma mia!

- Move over.

I've got a degree in advanced

joystick theory and I ain't

afraid to use it.

- Yeah, I heard you practicing

last night.

- Uh, Olivia.

Oh, Mon.

You do it for me every time.

There, done with hand crocheted

towel of Olivia Mon.

Time to jack off.

Let me show you how this

sh*t's done, son.

- What the f***?

Who took the lights?

- I mean, we haven't paid the

electricity bill in seven


- We pay for electricity?

- You don't!

I do.

- Wait!

All of our food's

going to go bad!

- All of our food is bad!

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Dick Figures: The Movie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 17 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dick_figures:_the_movie_6887>.

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