OVER BLACK. Low volume, through a tinny speaker, JUICENEWTON’S ‘ANGEL OF THE MORNING.’
FADE UP ON:
1 EXT./INT. TAXI CAB - MORNING 1
DEADPOOL, in full DRESS REDS and MASK, quietly FIDGETS in theBACK SEAT of a TAXI CAB as it proceeds along a CITY FREEWAY.
Deadpool adjusts the two KATANAS strapped to his back. Rolls
the WINDOWS up, down, up. Tries futilely to untwist theseatbelt, then LUNGES forward, locking it up. Rifles througha tourist booklet and tears out a HAUNTED SEGWAY TOUR coupon.
The CABBIE, young, thin, brown, glances back and forth fromthe rear view to the road to the rear view.
Kinda lonesome back here.
DEADPOOL, WEDGING himself through the openingbetween the back seat and front. His two katanas don’t
cooperate, catching on the Plexiglas, stalling him mid-torso.
The cabbie grabs Deadpool’s hand and pulls him through to thefront. Deadpool’s head rests upside down on the bench seatas he maneuvers his legs through. The cabbie turns the
helping hand into a HANDSHAKE, then turns down the Juice.
Dopinder is remarkably UNAFFECTED by the lunatic in his cab.
Why the fancy red suit, Mr. Pool?
It’s like Christmas Day, Dopinder. Been
waiting one thousand eight hundred twenty-
two days, three hours...
(checks ‘Adventure Time’watch)
...and thirty-six minutes for this shit.
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 2.
DEADPOOL turns himself RIGHT-SIDE-UP in the front seat. He
is YOKED to the gills and ARMED to the teeth. TWIN KATANAS.
TWIN DESERT EAGLE .50 CALIBER PISTOLS.
Deadpool grabs Dopinder’s OPEN BAG of CORN NUTS. Dopinderisn’t quick enough to stop him. Deadpool gazes out thewindow onto the city - a teeming, sooty urban sprawl thatlooks almost... pre-post-apocalyptic.
Deadpool turns up his MASK. Dopinder catches a GLIMPSE ofthe bottom of a SCARRED face. And quickly looks AWAY.
Deadpool eats the CORN NUTS. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. Points.
Dopinder eyes his DAFFODIL DAYDREAM AIR FRESHENER and takes adeep breath through his nose.
Smells good, no?
Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl.
A PICTURE of a young INDIAN WOMAN is taped to the dash.
Ah yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She
was supposed to make me a very agreeablewife. Mom and Dad chose her rather
excellently. But Gita’s heart has been
stolen by my cousin Bandhu. Bandhu is as
dishonorable as he is attractive.
Dopinder, I’m starting to think I’m inthis cab for a reason.
Because you hailed it?
No, my slender brown friend... to giveyou one crucial piece of advice: Love...
is a beautiful thing. When it finds you,
the whole world smells like Daffodil
Deadpool’s own heartbreak is palpable. He takes another
deep, cleansing BREATH.
Deadpool Final Shooting Script 11/16/15 3.
So hold onto love tight. Go at Bandhu
hard. Get Gita back. Or else... the
whole world will taste like Mama June
after hot yoga.
And how does Ms. Mama June taste?
Like two hobos making love under adrizzle of Limburger- I could go all daylike this. Point is, bad.
Deadpool chucks the bag of Corn Nuts into the back seat and
pulls out his PISTOLS. He starts CHAMBERING shells into two
Suddenly, he frantically pats himself down, like a Hollywoodagent who can’t find his phone.
Shiiiit. My extra mags! I usually leavethem right by the door so I’ll trip overthem! Someone must’ve moved them...