David Brent: Life on the Road

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1

Hello, I'm David Brent.

You probably know me as the star

of the BBC Two documentary The Office,

back in 2000 and...

No, that was then, this is now.

I'm currently a singer-song writer, so...

And a rep.

I work for Lavichem.

What do you mean who does my tampons?

We sell cleaning products.

All toiletry needs, really.

One size fits all.

No, it doesn't, actually.

I am following my dream as the lead singer

in the band Foregone Conclusion.

This is our story.

I never really gave up

that dream if I'm being honest.

So when the documentary team

approached me and said they wanted

to continue the Brent saga,

I said, "Sure, but let's do it big."

That's as stiff as you like

and it won't damage your rug.

Well, that's what I told her.

One last push to see if I can make it

in the music business.

Watch this space.

Let's rock.

# Half a tank should get me to Millbank

# I fill her up and head down to Sidcup

# It's just a meeting

It's only fleeting

# It's just a pitch

And then I'm up to Ipswich

# Life on the road

# Don't need a heavy load

# Foot down to the floor

# Seventy miles an hour

But no more

# Wheeler dealing no feeling

# Strictly business

I'm killin' it in Widnes

# Then to Gloucester

I get a Costa

# Hard shoulder

Coffee holder

# Life on the road

# Don't need a heavy load

# Foot down to the floor

# Seventy miles an hour

But no more #

Personal parking space. Typical.

Oh, here they are.

- Ooh, lovely Serena.

- What?

No, I was just saying.

- When you buying me dinner?

- Never.

No, I'll buy.

Morning. Made you a coffee.

We play these games.

Um, they know I'm available.

It's not like they're

coming on to a married man.

So, all good fun.

I'm in the marketplace, so to speak.

You know, young, free and single.

Not gonna settle down just yet.

I've been out with all sorts of girls.

Rich girls, poor girls, white girls.

You know.

Thin girls, fat girls.

I went out with a very big lady.

Mmm, lovely. Bubbly.

Mmm, beautiful eyes.

All my mates were like, "Oh, Brent, if she

lost weight she'd be an absolute stunner."

And she did lose weight.

And, um... and she wasn't a stunner,

which was very disappointing.

Um, a surprise to everyone.

I think she'd left it a bit late in life

and lost it way too quickly.

So she was left

with that sort of wattle thing.

You know...

And she wasn't bubbly any more.

Bit grumpy.

Always hungry.

So lesson learned. Be what you are.

So, yeah, that's the plan.

Tour, record deal, stick an album out,

make some big bucks, get a fancy crib,

then snare a lucky lady. Yeah.

But at first, life on the open road.

It's in my blood, uh...

- Do you drive?

- You know I do.

I've given you a lift home several times.

- What car you got?

- Red Honda.

Lady across the road from me

has got a red Honda.

That's me.

I live across the road from you.

Oh. Wondered why she was always waving.

Thought she was mental. That explains it.

- I'd like to see you live.

- Ooh, don't know.

The lyrics are a bit hot for you. X-rated.

We got one song, it's about rock 'n' roll,

but it's a metaphor for sex.

It goes... # I'm gonna roll you over

And rock you stupid

# And leave you there just hummin'

# There's a party in my trousers, baby

And everybody's comin' #

You get it?

Ask me how I'm spelling "comin" '?

- How are you spelling "comin" '?

- C-U-M-I-N.

That's cumin.

Double M. Think.

It's... So, yeah.

That sort of coming.

Well, not with... But with... You know.

Although some women do...

squirt.

Don't know what.

Juice.

No one knows.

Right, see you later.

You know, we're top salesmen here.

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