Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

Synopsis: Dave Chappelle returns to D.C. and riffs on politics, police, race relations, drugs, Sesame Street and more.
Director(s): Stan Lathan
57 min


Ya'll gone make me lose my mind.

Up in here! Up in here!

Y'all gone make me throw her out.

Up in here! Up in here!

Y'all gone make me act a fool.

Up in here! Up in here!

Y'all gone make me lose my cool.

Up in here! Up in here!

From the historic Lincoln Theater

in Washington DC.

Dave Chappelle!

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

All right.

No really.


Well, it's good to come home, boy.

I swear.

I know, man. It's been a while.

It's been a while.


DC is different.

I've been gone, man.

It took me years to be

able to do the show.

Boy, DC has changed.

It's different now.

There's a lot of white people

walking around, isn't there?

I mean I left DC in the 80s. It

was not like this in the 80s.

When crack was going on.

Remember when crack was going on?

White people would be looking

at DC from Virginia with binoculars.

Boy, that looks dangerous.

Not yet.

New white people. You can't

scare these white people.

I tried.

You roll up on 'em: BOO!

What the hell is wrong with you?

Those days are over.

I'm glad that were doing

a show here by Howard, you know.

You see like white people come out.

And that's good.

One thing I'm seeing.

Ever be walking down the street. And you

see like a group of black dudes walking.

Not just any black dudes.

We're talking, you know, thugs.

Talking, you know.

They'll be some thugs, man.

And in the group, in the group

they got like one or two or sometimes

as many as three white guys.

Ever see this sh*t?

Let me tell you something

about those white guys.

Those white guys are the most

dangerous motherfuckers in that group.

It's true.

It's true, man.

Ain't no telling what they done to

get those black dudes' respect.

But those black dudes have seen them

do some wild sh*t. I'll tell you that.

I've been trying to tell brothers that.

Every group of brothers should

have at least one white guy in it.

I'm serious. For safety.

Because when ship goes down..

Somebody's gonna need

to talk to the police.

I mean that's when that

That's when that white

friend comes in handy.

Uh-oh. Ernie, wanna get this one for me.

Come on now. Come on now.

Do something.

The black people are very

afraid of the police.

That's a big part of our culture.

No matter how rich you are.

No matter how old you are.

We're just afraid of them.

We got every reason

to be afraid of them.

You know what I mean. You're a white

lady. You ever been pulled over before?

What do they say?

Let me see your drivers license

and your registration, right?

See? See I'm just guessing.

That's not what they say to us.

You wouldn't believe

what they say to us.

Spread your cheeks and lick your sack!

Like what the heck?

Excuse me?

You heard me. Spread open your

cheeks and lift your sack.

I got a driver's license too.

It's an easier way to

prove who I am, isn't it?

What does that prove?

I can't go to the bank like that

cash my check.

What you mean, I don't have my ID.

Wait a minute.


Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Chappelle.

Right this way.

Why didn't you spread your

cheeks when you came in here?

Scared of them.

I'm serious, man.

There will be a red light. The

police might pull up next to you.

It won't be no big deal for you.

But I'm f***ing fall apart hard.

Don't look over there. No no no.

But I didn't always know.

It was a black thing. It took

me a while to figure that out.

I learned that sh*t

when I was in New York.

I was in New York City.

Now I was hanging out with a friend

of mine. He was a white guy.

We was hanging out.

We were lost in the city.

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Dave Chappelle

David Khari Webber Chappelle (; born August 24, 1973) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer. After beginning his film career in 1993 as Ahchoo in Mel Brooks' Robin Hood: Men in Tights, he landed supporting roles in box office hits including The Nutty Professor, Con Air, You've Got Mail, Blue Streak and Undercover Brother. His first lead role was in the 1998 comedy film Half Baked, which he co-wrote with Neal Brennan. Chappelle also starred in the ABC TV series Buddies. His comedy focuses on racism, relationship problems, social problems, politics, current events, and pop culture. In 2003, Chappelle became more widely known for his sketch comedy television series, Chappelle's Show, also co-written with Brennan, which ran until his retirement from the show two years later. After leaving the show, Chappelle returned to performing stand-up comedy across the U.S.In 2016 he signed a $20 million-per-release comedy-special deal with Netflix, which has released four of his specials.By 2006, Chappelle was called the "comic genius of America" by Esquire and, in 2013, "the best" by a Billboard writer. In 2017, Rolling Stone ranked him No. 9 in their "50 Best Stand Up Comics of All Time." Chappelle was awarded an Emmy Award for his guest appearance on Saturday Night Live In 2017. He received a Grammy Award for his Netflix specials The Age of Spin & Deep in the Heart of Texas. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 6 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dave_chappelle:_killin'_them_softly_6405>.

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