Dark Rising: Bring Your Battle Axe

Synopsis: A broken heart, a battle axe, a demon and a lesbian ex-fiancée... Jason Parks' life goes from bad to worse as a series of supernatural events turn his dream of reconciliation with ex-fiancée Jasmine into a portal seeking, demon hunting nightmare...
Genre: Comedy, Horror
 
IMDB:
4.8
Year:
2007
92 min
38 Views


[music throughout] MAN (chanting):

Danska, Vitara... Leokad... Kucin...Katara... [rustling] Dansk-Vitara... [thunderclap] [rustling] katara-viska... Viska-Ro... [loud cry] [loud cry] [] MAN (reading):

Menda, rotran... -Daddy?

-Summer... You gave me

quite a scare. Sorry daddy. Why aren't you in bed? I couldn't sleep. Listen to me, Summer. Daddy's got a lot

of work to do. Maybe I can help. What language is it? Nothing you've ever heard. Maria? That's mommy right? It's time to go to bed. Please can I stay up

just a little later... Pleeeeassse... Well you could... But if you do... ...then you'll have the

tickle monster to deal with. [laughter] In to bed!

[laughing] Come on,

under the covers. Raaaargh!

[squealing, giggling] There was a

young lady who-- Dad, no singing. But I have such a

beautiful voice. Tell me a story. Summer... A short one. -Promise?

-I promise. Okay, a short one. Now close your eyes. And tell me what kind of

story you want to hear. A monster story! A monster story? But there's no such

thing as monsters. Yes there are! Have you ever seen one? No. See... How about a story

about a Princess... and her father

the King who loves her

very much. Daddy, your female characters come

off a little superficial. Not this one. Because this story the princess was the most

beautiful in all the world. Really?

What did she look like? Well, she had long,

beautiful brown hair, and gorgeous hazel eyes. And her smile was just about the most precious

anyone had ever seen... One day, when she

was all grown up, her prince did come and made her the happiest

princess in the whole land. Why does the Princess need

a Prince to make her happy? Do you want to hear

the story or not? [chuckling] Come on,

lie down. [] MAN (reading):

Menda... Menda-Ro... Menda Rotran Carno Matron. Menda Rotran

Carno Matron. Menda Rotran Carno Matron. Menda Rotran

Carno Matron. [loud boom] Summer? Menda Rotran Carno Matron... Vytal Krank Overt Mantron. Vytal Krank...

Overt Mantron. [loud boom] [] [rumbling] Oh, damn. [loud crash] [rumbling] [clock chimes] [rumbling] Daddy? Summer! [scream] [animal roaring] [clock ticking] [clock chimes] [chimes slow down] [machines beeping] [indistinct voices] Her body might not

take the strain. It's still in

its testing phase. [girl whimpering] What if she dies? [indistinct voices continue] [rapid beeping] WOMAN (annoyed):

Earth to sleeping beauty! You coming or what? MAN:

You know... It's not so much that

women are evil... it's not. It's just that men... ...as in, me... men. Well, we've gotten soft. We are a society of men

raised by women and we're a bunch

of pussies. Pardon my language. I mean look at me. I'm sitting here and I'm staring at the ring

I gave my high school sweetheart and I'm damn near tears. It's really pathetic. And I bet you're wondering

what I'm doing with it. Well, my high school

sweetheart decided we were

finished... so she packaged

up the ring and she sent it to

me in the mail. No explanationay! Just a sparkling ring in

a clean white envelope. Now you tell me... Is that fucked up or what? Yeah, that's fucked up. I want you to have it. Before I give

this to you, I want you to

remember something. Every time you

look at this ring I want

you to remember something... One day you're going to

meet someone special. And you guys are going to

have a lot of good times and a lot of

good memories... And then one day you're

going to think... you're going to be wrong, but

you're going to think it... I wonder if there is someone

else out there for me, I wonder if I

deserve better? And I want you to

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