Dangerous Beauty: The Women of 'The Forbidden Kingdom'


- What's going on, Hop?

- Huh?

You back again?

- Oh... sh*t.

- Find a good one?

Yeah... "10 Tigers of Kwan Tung".

This is gold!

Oh... Bride with White Hair.

Hop, you have any early Shaw Brothers? There's

this guy who does leopard style, that I wanna...

Leopard style, dragon style.

"Fight to the Air, Fight on Water".

"Crouching Tiger, Sprinting Monkey".

I know you... I'm not a white boy

who knows no kung fu.

Kick their ass, get the girls.

Only storage back here.

Where did you get this?

It was here when my grandfather

open the store hundred years ago.

He waited for a man

to come and pick it up.

Return to rightful owner.

Man never came.

My father took over the shop,

waited too, long time.

Now me.

That's a Northern Temple

style Bold Staff.

Same kind the 13 monks used

to save the Tang Emperor.

I've seen it before.

That exact one.

- I had dreams about it.

- You know why?

You watch too much Hong Kong

movies, come, come on.

I'll give you five awesome

Bruce Lee movies.

- For a very 'sick' price.

- You're the man, Hop.


Hey! What's up?

Nothing much, just... you know, cruising.

You went down to Chinatown.

What's up with that?

- Oh, Kung Fu.

- Are you serious?

You're not supposed to talk about it.

Not under the Kung Fu code.

Hey look! The new kid's

making time with the hood.

J. boy, you still riding

this loser cruiser?

You need to get a motor

for this sh*t.

- What'd we got here?

- Just some bootlegs. No big deal.

Enter The Dragon.

The Bride with White Hair.

Yeah, it's actually very good.

- Come on, let him go.

- He ain't a dog, he knows Kung Fu.

He what? You think you're Chinese?

You'd be hanging out with

that Chink at Sitar.

What's up with you?

Let's see some, man!

Come on, come on, let's see some Kung Fu!

Huh... Kung Fu master, huh? Huh?

Want some Tae Kwan Do? Huh?

Yo, Lupo! He's hanging out with

that old Chink, cashes checks.

You in tied with the old man?

Shut up and do it.

It's late Lupo.

He's probably gone home.

He's not here, let's just go.

Who's there? Ahh... Kung Fu boy.

You're back for more good price movie?

I told you, best deal in China town.

Come on.

Want some tea?

Flush those scum out.

Yankees winning. Very bad.

Who's with you? Friends?

Where'd you keep the cash?

I said, where'd you keep the cash?

Come on old man!... Stay here.


Found the Jackpot.

Jesus, Lupo... damn man.

You shot him!

Take it.

Must return to rightful owner. Run!

You see that, Yo!

Did you see that?

Come here you little sh*t.

- Lupo, come on man. Just don't...

- You did see nothing...

Calm down, Lupo. Hey, chill man,

come on. Put the gun...

Shut up! Maybe I'd pulled the trigger,

but we're all in this together.

But this little cockroach,

he ain't one of us.

Have some tea.

It'll help you to recover.

Excuse me,

I don't know where I am.

I don't know how I got here.

I... I remember falling...

The old lady found you

lying in the river.

- We all thought you were dead.

- Hm?

Let's go! Let's go!

- Running away?

- Help me!

Please let her go!

Quick, go and grab a hold

of that guy!

Stop, stop!

Drop what you're holding!

If you try to run and I'll kill you.

Come here!

What is that you're holding?

Where're you from?

This? You want this?

Drop the staff if you want to live.

Please Sirs, some money

for this poor drunkard.

Get lost!

- Where did you get that staff?

- I don't know what you're saying.

- Where did you find it?

- I can't understand you.

That's because you're not listening.

Behind you!

I don't know where I am...

Or how I got here. And who're

those guys who wanna kill me.

Whatever you did back there was sick.

No, Drunken Fist.

See Crook Kung Fu of the South.

I'm Lu Yang, traveling scholar.

What land do you come from, monk?

I'm not a monk, I'm Jason.

Jason Tripitikas, from South Boston.

- Is this a dream?

- No, where you came from is the dream.

Through the gate of 'No-Gate'.

Is that like a worm-hole or something?

No, it means you're either a Zen Master...

or you're carrying something very special.

This?... Was in a pawn shop waiting

for a man to pick it up, and...

return it to its rightful owner.


It has long been fore-told,

that a seeker will come.

To return the staff and end

the reign of the Jade Warlord.

Return the staff to who?

The Monkey King.

Born of stone, on the mountain

of fruit and flowers.

With his weapon in hand.

His 'Chi' became like fire.

His stick fighting like magic.

He defied the order of the land.

But the Jade Army could not defeat him.

Monkey King crushed every

soldier sent to stop him.

But with his magical staff,

he was unbeatable.

Word of his disobedience traveled

deep within the Forbidden Kingdom.

To the Five Elements Mountains,

land of the Immortals.

Once every 500 years, the Jade

Emperor hosts the Peach Banquet.

It is here that the Heavenly Ministers

gather to celebrate the longevity...

and drink the elixir of immortality.

One sip of this heavenly brew...

Will give everlasting life.

Free from mortal suffering,

and desire.

Into the banquet, the Monkey King

crashed un-invited.

The Jade Emperor was enchanted

by the Monkey King...

But the Jade Warlord was not amused.

As Master of the Army,...

the Warlord demanded the

Monkey King bow down to him.

He's a bit unrefined, that's all.

Give the naughty monkey

a title and let him go.

Satisfy all is well, in Heaven and Earth.

The Supreme Emperor left to

begin his 500 years meditation.

Leaving the Jade Warlord in

charge, by mandate of Heaven.

But rather to obey the

Emperors command...

The Warlord challenged

the Monkey King to a duel.

High above Five Elements Mountain.

In the Warlord's Palace, the battle

of Immortals was fought.

To prove once and for all,

whose skills was supreme.

Most excellent stick fighting, Wukong.

But without your weapon you

are nothing but a lonely hermit.

No more weapons, no more

'Chi' magic. Fist against fist.

The Monkey King was too trusting

and believed the Warlord's words.

Laying down his magic weapon.

Realizing he was been

tricked, the Monkey King...

casted the staff out

into the Middle Kingdom.

Martial art is based

on deception, my friend.

Being immortal the

Monkey King could not be killed.

Only trapped in stone, where he waits

for the seeker from the prophecy,...

to return to him his fine weapon

and finally free him.

That's what I heard anyway,

a long time ago.

How long has he been in prison?

Five hundred years, give

or take a few decades.

They say when the Monkey King is

freed the Jade Emperor will return.

How do I get home?

You must return the staff

to Five Elements Mountain.

You must free the Monkey King.

I can't free the Monkey King.

I gotta get home.

- Innkeeper, more wine.

- Don't you think you had one too many?

Wine is my inspiration.

In some parts, I'm known as a poet.


In other parts, I'm known as the beggar.

Old wife.

- Where did this come from?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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