Dames

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I'm going to take the elevator.

- What floor is Ezra Ounce on?

- Why, the Ezra Ounce floor.

Take this elevator to the 25th floor

then take the special tower elevator.

- Oh, thank you.

- You're welcome.

I beg pardon,

which is the tower elevator?

- Did you wish to see Mr. Ezra Ounce?

- Yes, sir.

Have you an appointment?

- Yes, sir.

- Have you any identification?

Ezra Ounce is my wife's cousin.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway

of New York City to see Mr. Ounce.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway

of New York City to see Mr. Ounce.

- Send him up.

- Send him up.

- That way, please.

- Yes, sir.

- Pistol?

- Kidnappers.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway

of New York City to see Mr. Ounce.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway

of New York City to see Mr. Ounce.

- Send him in.

- Take him in.

Electricity.

Mr. Horace P. Hemingway of New York City

has an appointment to see Mr. Ounce.

Cousin Ezra, that is, Mr. Ounce,

sent for me to come from New York.

You are three and one-half minutes early.

This is the first time that Cousin Ezra...

...Mr. Ounce

has sent for me in 20 years.

March 8, 1912, you had

an appointment at 10:23 a.m.

You stayed four minutes.

Yes. He had heard that I'd had a baby.

That is, my wife, Mathilda, had it.

He wanted to add it to the family tree.

Girl. Name:
Barbara.

Weight:
Five pounds.

Complexion:
Undetermined. Hair: Bald.

Yes. Barbara took after me at first.

She was born bald.

She's got hair now.

- Fortunate.

- She's 22 now.

Twenty-two years, two months,

three days is correct.

Cousin Ezra wasn't very happy

about her being a girl.

Mr. Ounce does not approve of females.

I'm, that is, we're sorry

we couldn't have given him a boy.

It is time for your appointment.

Mr. Ounce is very particular as to

punctuality. Mr. Ounce is waiting.

Oh, thank you.

Electricity.

You told me the tire

would run 10,000 miles.

Now, what happened? It blew out.

I don't want a new tire.

I want my $ 18.75. If I don't get it back,

I'm gonna sue you.

Cousin Ezra, it's been 20 years since...

He told me the tire

would run 10,000 miles.

What happened? It only ran 9998 miles.

It's dishonest. False representation,

that's what it is.

I don't want a new tire. Sounds eccentric

but I can afford to be.

I've got $35 million.

You haven't got $35 million.

You can't afford to be eccentric.

- What are you shaking your head for?

- I can't afford to be eccentric.

- That's what I said.

- That's what I mean.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Mathilda and Barbara

send their love to you.

- Barbara sends her love to me?

- Yes, Ezra.

Why should she send her love to me?

She's never seen me.

Well, she's seen your picture.

She's sending her love to my picture.

No, no, you see. We've told her,

that is, she knows all about you.

Sit down.

I've prepared a questionnaire. And if you

answer the questions to my satisfaction...

- Yes, Ezra?

...to my entire satisfaction...

...I may have an important

decision to announce.

Hemingway questionnaire.

Do you promise to tell the truth, the

whole truth and nothing but the truth?

I do.

Are you a moral man, Mr. Hemingway?

Well, I like to think so.

- Well, don't you know?

- Oh, yes, yes, I'm a moral man.

- Have you ever touched liquor or nicotine?

- Never.

Have you ever purposely sinned?

No, not much, on purpose.

Have you ever dawdled

with the idea of sinning?

Now, Ezra, you know I never dawdle.

- Answer me, yes or no.

- No.

- Yes, Mr. Ounce?

- Listen carefully, Horace...

...and you'll understand

my decision. The family tree.

Yes, sir.

This is the Ounce family tree.

Here's Mr. Ounce coming right up

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