Cottage Country

Synopsis: Todd (Labine) wants everything to be just perfect at the family cottage where he plans to propose to Cammie (Akerman). But things go awry with the arrival of Todd's slacker brother Salinger (Petronijevic) and his free-spirited girlfriend Masha (Punch). When Todd accidentally dispatches his irksome sibling with an axe, Cammie is determined not to let murder stand in the way of their happiness.
Genre: Comedy, Crime, Horror
Director(s): Peter Wellington
  2 nominations.
91 min

- Hello.

- Hey, snuskebasse.

- Are you still at work?

- Yes, Shawn and Debbie made a mess.

And you save them as usual.

You work too hard, Todd.

- Do not to pack my bags.

- Of course not.

I mean it, Cammie.

Do not touch the bag.

I do not like the idea

you unpack it as a servant.

- We drive to the cabin as soon as possible.

- I can hardly wait.

The same here, Cammie.


- I love you.

- No, I love you.


16 hours later

We have lost a whole day. Your boss

can not treat you like this.

- We should have run six hours before.

- What should I have done.

If you do not say from

will never improve.

I know that. I could stand just not

a confrontation at the time.

I just thought:
"Get it over with,

and came out to the lake."

"Come down to the lake, look at the water,

and then it all washed away."

It deserves you. But you must do

something about it. We can make a plan.

Can we not talk

the work the rest of the trip?

Sorry, I...

I would only think

on two things this week: Cottage and you.

Nothing more.

I think it will be

the best trip to the cottage ever.

Just wait till we get there.


- Todd!

- Damn!

Who is it?


Let me see you.

You are an angel.

- I love you.

- No, I love you.

- What?

- It is Sal.

What? What's he doing here?

- It's not his turn.

- Booked you on the website?

I already made the website!

It's my turn.

Hello, Toddie.

- Good to see you. What are you doing here?

- I have booked the cottage all week.

- Cammie, taxes.

- Salinger.

- Mom said here was empty all week.

- She knows nothing. Check the page.

- I have booked the entire week.

- Well, the website. Pis. Sorry.

- Do not turn it on in here.

- I open the door.

Do not, Sal.


Can you carry the bags up, Masha.

Thank you.

It is God damn country.

He is almost done.

I'm sure.

- Breakfast is ready. Tea?

- Yes, a little bit.

- I thought it was over between them.

- She shows up occasionally.

Maybe it's not so bad that they

is here. We can be out on the lake.

- We can row out to the island.

- No. Not while they are here.

It is not intended,

they have to be part of this.

Toodles. Our time together.

It gives me chills,

they lurk around.

- I get them to leave.

- And everything will be perfect.

- You can rely on.

- You get them to leave?

And now...

What about having breakfast, Miss?

- Okay.

- It was John Wayne right there.

Masha learned the secret

behind the perfect caesar salad -

- On a small lortebar in Thailand

where there was kickboxing matches.

What is the secret then, Masha?

- What?

- Horseradish.


If it does not burn,

do it wrong.

That's what she said.

- That's what she said.

- How's the painting?

You know what. I do not paint anymore.

It is too insipid yuppie fools

which will have something to hang up -

- In their small,

arid occasions.

It is the 21st century.

The only real art... is virtual.

- Really?

- I get enough arts... a cool website and Masha

must complete the application forms.

- What is it about?

- Masha gathers strangers up.

So she gennempuler them

with a compressed air driven hammer f***.

- If you get arts funding for the kind of?

- Not to anyone. Come on.

- It sounds like porn.

- That's not porn. It is art.

It is ten billion times more genuine,

than what the hell you than doing.

- I can never remember. What are you doing?

- I'm working.

- I work 60-70 hours a week.

- Cool.

I fistfucker life

with a nuclear-powered f*** hammer -

60-70 hours per week.

Who is the fool now?

First fistfucker he lives,

and so he fistfucker me.

There is very horseradish.

I love you.

She is the ultimate rvdronning.

I'm bored.

Hold the book.


What the hell are you doing?

Sal, you know how dangerous it is.

Do not do it.

I would rape balls of you.

I'm bored!

- Go out and pick mushrooms for dinner.

- Me. Picking mushrooms?

- Do you poisoned?

- Take Cammie with.

She loves to pick mushrooms.

Is not it true, Toodles.

Fine, but you have to say

he must go.

- You're not always so persistent.

- I ask him to leave.

No, you do not ask.

You tell him.

- They're gone in the morning.

- Fine. Come Masha, let's go.

- An hour in the woods with that.

- You are a treasure.

No, you're a treasure.

- Are you going to walk with it?

- I do not look like a mannequin.

I'm not cheap, so I do not go

out and looks like a mannequin from GAP.

- A mannequin from GAP.

- Okay.

- Bye, honey.

- They must be out.

I am considering

to invite some friends.

You're kidding.

The headphones. Sal!

Sorry. I am considering

to invite some friends.

Come on.

I booked the cottage

to be alone with Cammie.

And actually when I has evaporated -

- I would row out to the island

and propose to her.

Good luck, I just say.

Are you deaf? I want the cottage.

I will be away before sunset.

"Away before sunset."

Are you John Wayne, or what?

It's not your cabin.

You will not dictate to me.

You're like a five.

What have you performed in your life -

- In addition to swipe the

one naive slut after another.

If at any time

just work a single day -

- And contribute to the society

as you so magical live in -

- You could earn the

to be here. But until then: Smut.

I'm so f***ing tired of,

that you are who you are.

Give me the damn headphones.

You forced me to beat you.

They cost $ 300, you bastard!

Hey, your pile of sh*t. I want

replacement for the headphones, Todd.

They are important for my life.

Your priorities

is completely out of the woods.

- What did you say?

- Do not.

Should I pinch you in the teat?

Do you like it?

You hit me in the eye.

It did piss sorry, Todd!

- Fine. I hate you.

- You owe me $ 300.

- $ 300!

- I need to connect my head!

Give it to me.

Candy abenosser, you idiot.

You stupid...


Come here.

It's my turn to have the cottage.

I booked it on the site.

I'm not the idiot. That's you.

I'm not the idiot.

That's you. You're the idiot.

I'm not a complete idiot, you idiot!

Come on.



Oh, god.

Come on.

There's another one.

- No, not that. It is poisonous.

- I know.

I'm from a religious family.

Father burned us when we were naughty.

One day

melted his mother's face with the boiler.

When she came back from the hospital,

she poisoned him with this fungus.

He died. She went to jail.

I was 13 when my foster parents

sexually abused me first time.

Every time I see this sponge...

...I feel...

...all hands, tongues

and pikkene inside my body.

I can not take it anymore.

No, Masha! Spit it out!

Spit on you!

Oh, God!





- Hey, baby. You find some mushrooms?

- Yes.

- We found one as big as your fist.

- So it must indeed be great.

What happened to your head?

Been in a fight?

- Have you quarreled with my chipmunk?

- No, it was so stupid.

I took a swim and hit his head,

when I was going up.

- Where are Salinger?

- I do not know. I was out to bathe.

- Have you talked to him?

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Jeremy Boxen

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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