Competitive Brunching


- Most people only spend

a couple of hours a week

at brunch.

We spend our whole lives.

- This is more than a lifestyle.

It's a style of life.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- It's an art form I've studied for years.

(cork pops)

(upbeat instrumental music)

(alarm rings)

- Competitive brunching

is one of the most intense

food competitions in the world today.

My weakness is in the Hung

Over and Rallying category

but my strength is in

the Naming Other Places

We Could Eat Brunch Instead category.

I can't, I can't remember them all.

I don't know how I'm supposed to list five

alternate restaurants to a picky eater.

You know, of course I fail.

Of course I'm screwing up.

Of course I'm screwing this up.

I'm blowing this.

You're worthless and you're

useless and of course

you screwed this up.

- It's definitely taken a toll

on my life at home.

I lost everything to the

brunch competition, literally.

I have high cholesterol.

The competition destroyed

my digestive system.

I've gone into debt trying

to buy all the brunch food.

- I can't believe you

chose brunch over us!

- I'll see you and the

kids after the competition.

I'm gonna win the gold!

Also, my wife left me,

but it'll all be worth it.

- After being discovered by a brunch sensei,

I studied ancient brunching in Silver Lake

and I can say it confidence.

I have mastered the Waiting For A

Table category both in body and in soul.

- As the head of the Court

of Champion Brunchers,

I understand how stressful

the final championships

can be. We are looking for

mastery of all the main categories.

Picking a restaurant, waiting in line,

ordering, rallying, and

splitting the check.

- Baby, please answer the phone.

I need you.

You have my cholesterol medicine.

- I was actually the champion in 2005

and my life was changed forever.

- Evan Fade's $10.00 bottomless mimosas

two hour limit.

Estrella's $15.00 bottomless.

I'd like to go for the

bonus and say that I think

we should get brunch at Mama Bacon

at 12 o'clock to avoid the

11 am and the 1 pm rushes.

- Smoked salmon omelet with avocado,

turkey bacon on the side, no extra salt

on the eggs.

Tapatillo on the side,

and no toast.

- Carl, you can stop waiting now.

You've achieved a record time.

- I never stop waiting.

- First one to split the

check correctly wins.

- Check please.

- Check it.

- Lester, I'm afraid you split it without adding the tip.

- No!


- I didn't think it would come to this.

- Brunch is ruined.

(dramatic music)

- Brunch, I gave everything.



(slow instrumental music)

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Jen McCartney

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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