Comedy Central: Roast of Justin Bieber

Synopsis: Several roasters, and the master himself Kevin Hart, make fun of Justin Bieber.
Genre: Comedy
Production: Comedy Central
 
IMDB:
7.4
TV-MA
Year:
2015
84 min
413 Views

1

[Justin Bieber's

All Around the World]

All around the world

(male announcer)

This is The Comedy Central Roast

of Justin Bieber.

All around the world

people want to be loved

With your roastmaster,

Kevin Hart,

and starring

Shaquille O'Neal,

Jeff Ross,

Natasha Leggero,

Chris D'Elia,

Pete Davidson,

Snoop Dogg,

Ludacris,

Martha Stewart,

and Hannibal Buress.

All around the world

people want to be loved

All around the world

they're no different than us

The Comedy Central Roast

of Justin Bieber.

And now, please welcome

your roastmaster, Kevin Hart.

[cheers and applause]

All right, hey.

Y'all better clap.

Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen,

my name is Kevin Hart,

and welcome

to The Comedy Central Roast

of Justin Bieber.

Here's the thing,

Justin Bieber has

tens of millions of fans.

I mean, most of them

are either in middle schools

or standing at least

500 feet away from one.

I mean...

It's the truth. I'm not saying

anything that's not the truth.

He's a worldwide superstar.

There's even

a wax figure of Justin

at Madame Tussauds

in London.

It's incredibly lifelike.

I've seen it.

He's face down

in a wax Usher's lap.

It's--it's weird.

That's a dick sucking joke.

We off to a start.

Yeah.

It's gonna get dirty tonight.

Tonight--Here's the thing.

Tonight we're gonna do

what his parents

and the legal system

should have done

a long time ago.

We're about to give this boy

a ass-whupping that he deserves.

We are.

We are!

Why invite me if you

don't want it to get ugly?

I don't understand that.

I mean, come on,

we got the right dais to do it.

We got Ludacris.

We got my man Snoop Dogg, Shaq.

This is crazy.

Usually, when I see this many

brothers sitting together,

Maury Povich is about to open

an envelope.

I've never seen

anything like it.

Shaq, take that dumbass look

off your face.

You look stupid.

Here's my question.

Shaq, how did you even

end up on a roast?

That's what I want to know.

They must've called up

the NBA pregame show

and said, "You know what?

Send us the third funniest guy.

"Wait, he's not available?

Send us Shaq.

Let us get Shaq then."

My man Snoop Dogg is here.

There he is.

Yeah.

Wait, wait,

let me clear something up

for all the young people

here tonight.

Snoop Dogg is a rapper.

Yeah, that's my aunt's

favorite rapper.

You know--

For all the black people

that are confused

about that old white woman

on the couch,

that's Martha Stewart.

Yeah, right there.

That's Martha Stewart

right there.

Martha, do me a favor and put

your ankle bracelet on vibrate

so we don't have no problems

during the show.

But, Martha,

understand something.

Tonight, it's about

another blond bitch.

It's about Justin Bieber.

That's who we're talking about

tonight.

That's who we're talking

about tonight.

So now, why don't we do this.

Why don't we go and take a look

at his huge success

that confuses everyone

over the age 14.

Roll security footage

right now.

Our next guest has

a mind-boggling 80 million views

on YouTube,

and he's only 15 years old.

And I was like,

baby, baby, baby, oh

Like, I thought

you'd always be mine

I'm gone

That's how you do it.

Find me somebody to love

(female news reporter)

Justin Bieber is one of

the biggest

pop stars on the planet.

(Drake)

Now I'd like you to welcome

my brother to the stage.

He goes by the name

of Justin Bieber.

- Justin Bieber.

- Justin Bieber.

(Justin)

I love you so much.

[police siren blaring]

(female news reporter)

Speeding down the 101 freeway,

pop star Justin Bieber

was stopped by police.

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"Comedy Central: Roast of Justin Bieber" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 16 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/comedy_central%3A_roast_of_justin_bieber_5801>.

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