Coffee Town

Synopsis: Will (Glenn Howerton) is a 30-something website manager who uses local café, Coffee Town, as his office. When the owners of the shop discuss plans to convert Coffee Town into a bar, Will enlists the help of his two best friends Chad and Gino (Steve Little and Ben Schwartz) to save his freeloading existence. In order to thwart the plans of Coffee Town's owners, the trio stages a robbery to create the illusion of an unsafe neighborhood not suitable for the proposed venue. Also standing in their way is Sam (Josh Groban), a disgruntled barista with delusions of grandeur-he wants to be a rock star-and Will's heartache over unrequited love for Becca (Adrianne Palicki).
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Brad Copeland
Production: CollegeHumor
87 min


My name is Will,

and this... is my office.

You've seen us before.

A sea of glowing screens

attached to your

coffee shop like barnacles.

Or... maybe you're one

of us, and you understand

we're not here to be


we're here to survive.

I manage a website

for an electronics company.

Mainly updating

driver downloads,

integrating advertising


with product-specific pla-

But, I do have a job,


I guess I shouldn't


When I got laid off from

my office job a year ago,

I tried working at home...

But roommates can make that


-I have fucking aids!


- So, I come here...

Coffee Town.

Though, it wasn't always

called that.

A local businessman,

Morris Brown,

wanted to starts a chain

of coffee stores

and since coffee is


he came up with the

ingenious name

Brown Town,

which some took the wrong


So, it became...

Coffee Town.

And it works for me


unlike some people in this


- Do you have another card,


- I live within my means.

- Next?

I drive a 1998 Saturn.

I used to have one of these.

I buy clothes at estate


- That was his church...


- I get my hair cut at a

cosmetology school.

- No...

...lose yourself. Don't be

afraid to fail.


And... I use a coffee shop

as my office,

which I love.

It's three blocks from my

house, has comfortable chairs,

and, most importantly,..

people that are bigger

losers than me.

- Where's your dial-up


- But, like any office,

there are rules to surviving

and they have to be


The main rule? Always be


If you stop drinking, you

stop being a customer.

And the reason I have to

play by the rules... is this



He sees people me as


squatters in his house of

free wi-fi.

- What'll it be, sir?

- He knows.

Medium drip... lightly


Sometimes I let him write

it all down.

Then I change it up.

With whole... milk.

I win.

Now I just have to find a

way to drink milk

without shitting my pants.

Another up-side of having

a coffee shop as your office

is your friends can drop

by and hang out whenever they


This is Chad.

We've been friends since

high school.

- Mmm... mmm, cawamel...

I like... cawamel.

Mmmh... mmm


- He works in the building

across the street

and visits during his

company-sanctioned smoke


even though he doesn't


- Coffee Town...

It's amazing that black

people got mad about Brown


I mean, if 'brown town' meant

them, that would mean it's

they're town.

Right? Isn't that what you


Your own town? Just for you?

I mean, that's like havin'

a... a...

- Water fountain? Just for


-You're making fun of me.

- Oh no, no, no. You pretty

much take care of that on your


- Well, guess what.

I don't think that whole

water fountain thing is racist


- See?

- You have a water fountain

just for yourself.

Everywhere you go, there's

two water fountains.

Now, sure, it's wrong if,

like, the black person water

fountain is like...

rusty, or something like


But if it's just

as good as the white person

water fountain...


more water fountains.

It keeps the crowds down!

- The water fountain crowds?

- I've stood in line at a

water fountain before.

- No you haven't.

- I know.

Because black people don't

like water fountains.

- What?

- Africa...

... is a desert continent.

- That's crazy... it's...


- I am all for civil rights.

I'm like the number one civil

rights guy.

But, let's be real.

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Brad Copeland

Brad Copeland is an American television writer and producer, best known for his work on the Fox TV series Arrested Development. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Coffee Town" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 3 Apr. 2020. <>.

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