Cockneys Vs Zombies

Synopsis: This British movie is about a group of inept criminals who decide to rob a bank so they can save their grandfather's retirement home from being demolished by developers. Meanwhile on another building site some workers dig up an old graveyard and they get bitten by the "undead" which sets off a chain reaction. Then the bank robbers are cornered by the police while in the process of the robbery, but when they exit they find that they are all dead as a result of the horde of zombies. They have to get to the retirement home before the zombies do!
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Matthias Hoene
Production: Shout! Factory
  2 wins & 1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
88 min

[ Subtopian ]

Davvers! Davvers! Stop! Cut it!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

What is it? Roman stuff?

Can't be Roman. They didn't have kings.

They had emperors and shit.

My mate was on a site last year,

said they found a load of Roman

coins that was worth tons.

It's not fucking Roman, you muppet!

It might have other stuff.

- Yeah, like what?

- Gold and stuff.

Ugh... Stinks down here.

- [FARTS] Does now.

- Argh... Davvers!

- Whoa...

- Bloody hell.

It's a graveyard.

It's a plague pit, more like!

We can't nick stuff from a graveyard.

- Can we?

- I don't care.

They dead already, ain't they?

What was that?

Probably just wind or summat.

Jesus! Don't do that!

That was classic. Your face...

We better go...

tell the boss what we found.

What? What's the matter?

You scared of a few skeletons?

Wooah! Wooo! I'm a ghost. Wooooo!

God, you're such a pansy!

Piss off!

- Um, be... behind ja...

- Yeah, ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

- Like I'm gonna fall for that one.

- No, seriously. Mate! Behind ja!

Get it off me!

[ Subtopian ]

- You paid cash?

- Yeah

Used a false name?

Yes, just like you said.

Where the f*ck did you get it, mate?

A bomb site?

Why can't we use our car anyway?

'Cause they'll trace it

back to us, won't they?

This is clean.

If this even starts at all.

Have you tried it?


Okay, Andy, two problems here, uh...

One, it doesn't start.

And two, there's a dirty,

filthy, cummy sock... in there.

Say, let's see what happens.

Oh, yeah!

Come on, let's go and magic

us a full breakfast, yeah?

Look, I'm just saying,

I don't want the van to conk out on us

in the middle of a job, that's all.

B-elax, we'll be fine.

Yeah, you say that 'cause

you're a jammy git.

If you fell off that

building right there,

and landed into a thin

bull full of shit,

you'd come out smelling of roses,

with frayed birds on your arms.

Yeah, that's 'cause I'm a gay Jamaican.

That's talent, ace.

A talent for getting us into trouble.

When have I ever got us into trouble?

Yeah, I'll take you all on! And so will

my fucking brother! You dirty pikeys!

You do not want to mess with

me and my fucking brother!

- Fucking what?!

- Terry!

Yeah, well, they were asking for it.

I had to stick up for meself.

Look, all I'm saying is that you've

got to be really careful about...

Jesus Christ!

- All right, Mickey?

- Hello, mate.

Why wouldn't I be all right, huh?

You saying I'm some sorta

nut roll or something?

No... just saying...

- He's joking.

- Your face...

So, we still on for 2 o'clock or what?

Yeah, that we are.

We are still on for 2 o'clock.

I mean, you've heard what happens

when people mess me about.

Fucking mug! You... fucking mug!...

We heard about that, yeah, yeah.


So, don't mess me about.

Beautiful motor this is, gents.

Oh, cheers, mate, yeah.

It's a nice one, yeah, yeah...

Top of the range, this is, right? Yeah.


Be lucky, yeah?


He's just dented my

fucking car with his head.

He's got a steel plate in there.

Iraq war injury.

Buried in there to remove part

of his brain or something.

The part that stops him from

being a fucking psychopath.

"Be lucky".

Mate, he's the man for the job.

- Yeah, you sure?

- He's the man.

Eddie, I told you not to call

this number. It'll leave a record.

They're on to us.

I'll need to move the cash.

Can you get it ready?

I'll send someone over to pick it up.

What? All of it?

But there's two and a ha...

Listen! They're sending send inspectors.

I want all that away.

You have the forms ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Davvers! Greg! Got a job for ya!

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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