Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Synopsis: Teenager Darren Shan is an excellent student and the pride and joy of his perfect middle-class family; his best friend is the reckless Steve. When they receive a flyer with an advertisement for a freak show, they sneak to the theater to see the attractions. The ringmaster is a vampire called Larten Crepsley, that has a lethal spider. After the show, Steve tells Darren to go home. However he returns and overhears Steve unsuccessfully trying to convince Larten to transform him into a vampire. Darren steals Larten's spider which bites Steve later and he seeks out Larten asking for an antidote for his friend. Larten proposes a deal to Darren.
Director(s): Paul Weitz
Production: Universal Pictures
  1 win.
Rotten Tomatoes:
109 min

You know, sometimes it seems like

life is all planned out.

There's no choice in the matter.

We're all gonna end up in the same place,

whether we like it or not.

But sometimes things aren't so simple.

You can end up hurting the people

you love the most,

betraying the people

you want to come through for.

That's not me. That's my best friend, Steve.

We've been best friends since third grade,

when he punched this kid, Billy Utsch,

for slamming a locker door on my head.

That's me.

I'm Darren Shan, and this is my story.

Oh, and, trust me,

spending this much time in a coffin

was never part of my plan.

Guess I'm just lucky.

Up until recently,

my life was pretty good.

I was popular enough.

I got good grades,

'cause my allowance was tied to it.

- A's! I love you. I love you.

- Yeah, that's the boy. That's the boy.

- Hey, you.

What's up, D?

And I had some cool friends.

Hey, what's up?

Uh, not including that dude.

I mean, we were friends in fifth grade,

but he'd become kind of a freak.

See, that used to matter to me.

There was one thing in my life

that was a bit insane, one friend.

- Hey.

- My best friend.

- Let's cut, all right?

- What?

No, we're here. Class is starting, man.

All right, folks.

What you got for me?

Okay, listen,

I cannot deal with that jerk today.

All right, Mr Perfect, come on, take a risk.

Take a risk. Come on!

So, hey, I'm thinking about moving

to Mexico. You want to go?

Yeah, sure. Why not?

Yeah, you're not going anywhere,

Mr Perfect.

Oh, sh*t.

Hey, man, I bet you can't hit that light

from all the way back here.

What? No, we're gonna get busted.

"Steve, we're gonna get busted. "

- Hey!

- Rock. Come on.

And so the Mutually Assured

Destruction policy of the Cold War...

...was just that. Mad.

What the heck is that?

I'm so sorry.

It's that Steve. It's that damn Steve.


Did Darren tell you he got an A

on his math test?

Yes, he did, honey. Go to your room.

You are not going to be friends

with that Steve any more!

Mom, I'm not five years old.

You can't tell me who I can

and can't be friends with.

You are on a good path, Darren,

and that Steve is knocking you

right off that path.

- What path?

- The path to a happy, productive life.

To a good college, a great job

and a family of your own.

A happy, productive life.

College, job, family!

College, job, family!

And one day, if you're really lucky,

you'll be standing here

yelling at a teenager of your own!

College, job, family!

College, job, family!

College, job, family! It's not that hard!

Darren, are you listening?

So, wait. You...

What, you told your parents you're not

gonna be friends with me any more?

Yeah, but, I mean, it doesn't mean anything.

We're still like best friends.

Okay, like what, secret best friends?

Yeah, kind of.

I mean, no, it's like...

- Look, I don't care what they say.

- Bullshit.

You do care what they say.

You do whatever they say.

That's just who you are.

You never stand up for yourself

or anybody else.

Maybe your parents are right.

Maybe you shouldn't be friends with me.

I'm nothing. I'm garbage.

You're not garbage.

You're my friend. You're my best friend.


"Cirque du Freak. One night only.

The world's greatest freak show.

"Five hundred years. " What the heck?

Dude, that looks awesome.

I can't go, though.

I'm grounded for two months.

Right. And we're also not friends any more.

What's this?

A freak show? This is illegal.

I hope you weren't thinking

of attending this.

Because the idea of taking

a group of disgusting,

weird, deformed people and exploiting them

Rate this script:(4.00 / 1 vote)

Paul Weitz

Paul John Weitz (born November 19, 1965) is an American film producer, screenwriter, playwright, actor, and film director. He is the older brother of filmmaker Chris Weitz. He is best known for his work with his brother, Chris Weitz, on the comedy films American Pie and About a Boy, for which the brothers, who co-directed, were nominated for an Oscar. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 2 Aug. 2021. <'s_assistant_5593>.

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