Chris Rock: Kill the Messenger - London, New York, Johannesburg

What's up?

Yeah!

Yeah!

What's up, Johannesburg?

What's up, New York?

What's up, London?

Ah! Yes, I'm in Jo'burg!

I finally made it!

Whoo! Now let's hope I make it

the f*ck out of here.

Cos it is violent right about now!

And I ain't talking about the jungle.

Man, oh, man, it's good to be here, man!

It is so good to be here.

The first time

I'm ever playing Africa.

Africa, first time playing

Africa, South Africa.

I was on safari with my family,

out there taking pictures of the animals.

And you're driving around, and you

got this guy what you call the tracker.

The tracker is amazing

cos you just driving around

and the tracker goes,

"Stop, stop, stop, stop."

And you stop the jeep

and he leans down

and puts his finger

in some piss.

He's like...

"15 miles to the right should be zebra."

And you get there and there's zebra!

There's zebra! Wow! Zebra!

And you drivin' some more

and "Stop, stop, stop."

Then he leans down and picks up

a little shit pellet and...

"Mmm! Ah! Mmm..."

"13 miles to the left, rhinoceros."

And you get there and

there's a rhino right there!

You're like, "How the f*ck's he do this shit?"

And it was beautiful.

I'm out there taking pictures of the rhino,

I took the pictures of the zebra.

And I was having a good time and I'm out

there with my family and I felt great,

till I looked over at another jeep

and I saw a bunch of white people

taking pictures of me.

I didn't see a...

Hey, I ain't no animal!

But they had a tracker

tracking my black ass.

Evidently, I musta dropped

some chicken or su'um at another spot,

and they're like, "Ah, chicken bone.

13 miles to the left, niggers will be there."

This is a crazy time, man.

This is the time to be onstage.

This is the time to do a special, man.

Cos this is a special time.

A lot's going on right now, that's right.

Big election year in the United States.

It ain't your election, but you paying

attention. You damn right you are.

That's right.

George Bush has fucked up so bad...

he made it hard for a white man

to run for president.

People are like,

"Give me a black man, a white woman,

"a giraffe, a zebra,

anything but another white man!

"That last one fucked up my roof."

Now who do we have running for president?

Who the hell is running for president?

We got two guys, man.

We got John McCain.

John McCain, 72 years old.

He was too old 10 years ago.

72!

He's so old, he used to own Sidney Poitier.

Come on, man. I don't need

a president with a bucket list.

72 years old!

My God. How many 72-year-old people

did you see today just doing shit?

72... Old people don't even use old people

to do shit.

Seventy-fuckin'-two.

Two! You see he hired his nurse

to be his vice president too.

What the f*ck is on her mind?

Sarah Palin, out there

shooting mooses and shit,

and holding up the moose and shit.

I see her holding a dead moose,

I'm like, "What the f*ck is

Michael Vick in jail for?"

She shot a moose!

What the f*ck?

My God!

John McCain, how you gonna

make decisions about the future

when you ain't gonna be here?

He's old!

The motherfucker's too old.

When you die at 72,

no matter what you die of,

it's natural causes.

Even if you get hit by a truck,

it's natural causes.

Cos if you was younger,

you'd have got out the way.

Then, you know, you got a real choice, man,

Barack or McCain.

They tryin' to...

McCain just got that old story.

This motherfucker been telling the

same story for 40 fuckin' years.

He a war hero.

He a war hero.

He a war hero...

that got captured.

There's a lot of guys

in jail that got captured.

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