Cheaper by the Dozen

Good morning, Tom.

Twelve is our number.

It's the number of games my husband Tom

coaches at Lincoln College every season.

It's the number of times we zero out our

bank account each year to make ends meet.

And it's the number ofkids

we try to keep track of.

Hey. Good run?

Oh, yeah.

You need a paramedic?

No,just a pair of knees.

You finish?

Still proofing, but I'm sending it

to Diane today.

Look at this.

New, clean cover...

no peanut butter stains...

yet.

- Hey, baby?

- Baby?

You know, on the run,

you know what I was thinking?

What?

Well, we've been married,

what, five years?

- Twenty-three.

- Twenty-three. Sorry.

And I think we could use

a little change around here...

like-like this

lumpy old mattress.

- Maybe we should just,

you know, get rid of it.

Don't be ridiculous, honey. You know you

can just pound the lumps out of a mattress.

What-What do you mean? You can just

pound the lumps out of a mattress?

Yeah,just randomly

start swatting away.

- And it goes flat?

- Yes, yes.

Just start- You just randomly

start swatting-

Careful.

- I got a dog on me!

- Twelve's an insane number ofkids...

but having a small family

was never an option for us.

See, Tom loved growing up

with seven brothers and sisters.

And after my sister died,

I spent most of my time...

wishing I had

seven brothers and sisters.

Tom and I met at

Illinois Polytechnic University.

He was a senior dreaming ofbecoming

the head football coach there.

I was a freshman dreaming

ofbecoming a sports reporter.

He wanted eight kids,

I wanted eight kids. Bam.

An hour after I met him,

I knew he was the one.

Wejust had family

at the wedding.

Oh, and Shake Maguire,

Tom's best man.

What a hot dog.

Ayear later,

we had our first- Nora.

I loved taking her

to work with me.

After Charlie and Lorraine were born, we

realized our dream ofliving in the city...

- and having eight kids and

two careers wasn't gonna work.

As much as we wanted our big careers,

we wanted our big family more.

So Tom settled for a Division llI

coaching job at Lincoln...

I quit writing for the Tribune,

and we moved to the country.

Tom and I got busy

when we moved to Midland.

We had Henry, Sarah,Jake and Mark

in consecutive years.

Then we went for magic number eight,

and instead...

we got the first set

of fraternal twins-Jessica and Kim.

- Nine kids.

- Come on, you guys. Come on.

Wave! Hi!

With each child, Tom and I got further

from our big career dreams.

But we didn't think about that.

Yeah!

Oh. Sorry, Coach.

We had our hands full with nine.

We were happy, and we were done.

Then we went to a party celebrating

Shake Maguire's appointment...

to athletic director

at our alma mater.

And, well, too many beers and nine

months later, we had Mike.

After that,

Tom got a vasectomy.

But he didn't hear the doctor say

that it would be a few weeks...

before the procedure

became effective.

In '98, Nigel and Kyle got us

to that crazy number 12.

But by then, Tom and I

were experts at managing chaos.

- Let's move, gang.

Come on, come on, come on!

- Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!

- Charlie missed his curfew again last night. Take care of that.

Hey.

You can only put on

so much lip gloss, princess!

- You blew my concentration!

- Temper, Sarah.

Now I get to start

all over again.

- Wrap it up, Lorraine!

- Okay, Daddy.!

Have you seen my frog, Dad?

Sorry, Charlie.

Uh, Nigel. Kyle.

- It's Mark.

- I knew that.

Hey, teenager. You got caught

on Mom radar last night.

You're not gonna get that scholarship

if you're out late with Beth...

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