Carrie Fisher: Wishful Drinking

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( piano playing )

Carrie Fisher:

HAPPY DAYS:

ARE HERE AGAIN:

THE SKIES ABOVE:

ARE CLEAR AGAIN...

Man:
GUYS, WE'RE A ABOUT 30 MINUTES TO 8:00,

SO HOW ARE WE DOING?

SO LET'S SING A SONG

OF CHEER AGAIN:

HAPPY DAYS:

ARE HERE AGAIN...

Man:
I HAVE BRIAN

STANDING BY FOR A MIKE CHECK

WHENEVER YOU GUYS ARE READY.

- Man #2:
GREAT, THANK YOU.

- ALL TOGETHER SHOUT IT NOW

THERE'S NO ONE

WHO CAN DOUBT IT NOW

SO LET'S TELL THE WORLD

ABOUT IT NOW...

CARRIE, WHEN YOU

HAVE A MOMENT,

COULD YOU JUS COUNT ONE TO 10 FOR ME,

PLEASE, AND MOVE AROUND

A LITTLE BIT?

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR,

FIVE, SIX,

SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, 10.

THERE'LL BE NO MORE

FROM NOW ON...

- OKAY, HERE WE GO.

- FROM NOW ON...

ALL RIGHT.

HAPPY DAYS:

ARE HERE AGAIN:

THE SKIES ABOVE:

ARE CLEAR AGAIN...

Woman:

THERE'S A BIG,

FULL HOUSE OUT THERE.

THEY'RE SETTLING THEM IN.

THEY'RE VERY EXCITED.

HAPPY TIMES,

HAPPY NIGHTS...

SORRY.

HAPPY DAYS:

ARE HERE...

HI.

I'M CARRIE FISHER,

AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.

AGAIN.

I DIDN'T REALLY GET YOUR

AREA THAT WELL, DID I?

AWW.

THANK YOU.

HERE.

( laughter )

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH

OF THAT.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

ANYTIME.

( sighs )

OKAY, NOW...

I HAVE TO STAR BY TELLING YOU

THAT MY ENTIRE LIFE

COULD BE SUMMED UP

IN ONE PHRASE,

AND THAT IS:

IF MY LIFE:

WASN'T FUNNY

IT WOULD JUS BE TRUE,

AND THAT IS COMPLETELY

UNACCEPTABLE.

NOW WHAT THA MEANS IS,

OTHER THAN:

WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE,

LET'S SAY SOMETHING

HAPPENS, RIGHT?

AND FROM A CERTAIN SLAN MAYBE IT'S TRAGIC,

EVEN A LITTLE BI SHOCKING.

AND THEN TIME PASSES

AND YOU GO:

TO THE FUNNY SLANT.

AND NOW:

THAT VERY SAME THING

CAN NO LONGER:

DO YOU ANY HARM.

SO WHAT WE'RE REALLY

TALKING ABOUT THEN

IS LOCATION LOCATION

LOCATION.

NOW AN EXAMPLE OF

THE TRAGIC AND SHOCKING

MIGHT BE:

ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO,

FOUR MONTHS:

AND NINE DAYS,

A FRIEND OF MINE

DIED AT MY HOUSE.

BUT NOT CONTEN TO SIMPLY DIE

AT MY HOUSE,

THIS GUY ALSO DIED

IN MY BED.

YEAH.

SO HE DIDN'T JUS DIE IN HIS SLEEP,

HE DIED IN MINE.

IF YOU ENTERTAIN

LIKE I DO,

REALLY TRY TO ALER YOUR GUESTS

NOT TO DO THIS, OKAY?

FOR TWO REASONS:

REALLY:

A-- IT'S KIND OF

BAD MANNERS:

IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

YOU KNOW?

AND TWO--

IT TENDS:

TO THROW THE HOST,

OR HOSTESS,

OFF THEIR GAME:

A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW,

LIKE, FOR A YEAR

OR FIVE.

GREG WAS ONE OF MY

BEST FRIENDS.

HE WAS NOT MY BOYFRIEND

OR ANYTHING, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, HE DIDN'T DIE

IN THE SADDLE,

WHICH WOULD'VE MADE ME

THE SADDLE.

NOW IF YOU HAVE,

SERIOUSLY,

ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL

ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO WAKE UP NEXT TO A CORPSE

WHO WAS VERY RECENTLY

A BELOVED FRIEND,

YOU COULD JUST SHOUT OU WHATEVER QUESTION YOU HAD

AND I WOULD DO MY VERY BES TO FIELD IT.

SO YOU'VE ALL WOKEN UP

WITH DEAD BODIES?

Man:

WHAT WERE YOU WEARING?

WHAT WAS I WEARING?

YOU MEAN, IF IT WAS,

LIKE, A WRONG OUTFI THAT MIGHT HAVE

KILLED HIM?

NOW ACTUALLY ONE OF MY

FAVORITE QUESTIONS

THAT I'VE BEEN ASKED IS

WAS I NAKED.

I HAVEN'T BEEN NAKED

IN 15 YEARS.

AND I HAVEN'T BEEN

SLEEVELESS IN 20.

SOME OF YOU LADIES KNOW

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I SHOULD TELL YOU

AT THIS POIN JUST TO GET YOU

GOING HERE,

GREG WAS A REPUBLICAN,

WHICH I DO BELIEVE

CONTRIBUTED IN PAR TO HIS DEATH.

( applause )

WELL, BUT NO,

HE DID--

HE HAD A VERY VERY

SERIOUS CASE.

HE WAS A LOBBYIST,

WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY FATAL

IN SOME INSTANCES.

Woman:

WHAT WAS HE WEARING?

WHAT WAS:

HE WEARING?

WHAT THE F*CK:

DOES IT MATTER?

HE WAS DEAD.

THE DEAD,

CONTRARY TO RUMOR,

DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOU WHAT THEY'RE WEARING.

Woman #2:

WHO WAS THE FIRS PERSON YOU CALLED?

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