Capers

Synopsis: Three teams of criminals share the same Brooklyn block, but each exists in a separate genre of film. The Amateurs are trapped in a 1970's anti-hero movie. The Sputniks live in black and white. The Moolies can't escape their rap video life.
Genre: Action, Comedy, Crime
Director(s): Julian M. Kheel
Production: Numeric Pictures
  2 wins.
 
IMDB:
5.4
PG-13
Year:
2008
86 min
13 Views


-Who's that?

- You want-

you want to knock that off?

- Sorry, sir.

You new?

- Yeah, matter of fact I am.

Special assignment,

anti-terrorism division.

- He's a little small to be

a guard dog, isn't he?

- You know what kind

of animal that is?

- Wiener dog?

- This is a dachshund,

badger hound.

This animal is trained to sniff

out chemical and nuclear agents.

- He can smell nuclear agents?

- He frickin' loves

nuclear agents.

Now, security officer...

Fadagucci,

if you don't mind,

we got some work to do.

- Yes, sir.

- Be a good boy.

Take a seat, there you go.

What?

What the--

[electronic beeping]

[dog wheezing]

Harry.

Harry, you got to shut up.

- Monitor, room 438.

- 438.

- Yeah, who's the guy

with the wiener dog,

fondling the cashmere?

- Captain.

Captain.

- 438, tell that cop

that sweater

ain't gonna fit that dog.

[sirens blaring]

- This neighborhood

has gone to shit.

I remember when this was

a beautiful neighborhood.

Everybody looked like

everybody else,

and everybody knew their place.

Now we got moolies dancing

on every corner.

And if it ain't the moolies,

it's the Sputniks

fresh off the boat.

It all started

when the city went bust.

There were

small-timers everywhere

stealing anything they could

get their hands on.

One day they get caught,

the next day they're out

and right back at it.

All of a sudden,

we're surrounded

by goddamn amateurs.

- These are genuine cashmere.

They're worth a fortune.

- What am I supposed to do

with a bunch of sweaters,

wipe my ass?

- Okay, think about this:

guy walks in your shop

to pick up his gun.

He stops.

"Hey, that's a nice sweater.

Is that cashmere?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact,

it is," you say.

"Why don't I make you

a package deal,

a gun and a sweater."

Now he's warm and protected.

You're happy.

He's happy.

- I'm tired of you ratty losers

coming in here.

First it was your

dumbshit partner,

now I got to listen

to the prodigal retard.

- Look, Connie,

I'm really desperate.

I got to get Harry

out of New York.

- What's wrong with him?

- 9/11.

The toxins filled up his lungs.

He can't even breathe

right anymore.

[dog wheezing]

- How about this?

You give me the sweaters,

I give you the .38.

You take the .38 home,

put the dog out of its misery.

Then you do us all a favor

and shoot yourself in the face.

- Screw you, Connie.

- Look at that goddamn loser.

When your grandfather

ran this neighborhood,

the crooks were ltalian,

and they were organized.

Now I barely

recognize the place.

Never should've let anybody else

on the block.

That's what started the decline.

Next thing you know,

we're surrounded

by goddamn moolies.

- Never spit more

than twenties

I'ma climb on the pound

Spittin' about Bentleys

I walk around town

- And I'm focused, man

Provoke this man

And get ran over

in your own promotions van

- I'm bockin' hard top

Blades through my hamstrings

And if E's a devil

Let me do that damn thing

- lf you want cash

Then shake it fast

and watch yourself

Like you in the mirror

and you 'bout to wash yourself

- I'm checkmate 3G solid

You've lost your rook

Streets keep callin'

but can't get through

I'm off the hook

And every noon I wake up

to six phillies

and three dimes

Never early

If I ain't high by 4:20

I'm 7:
30

- I got a hummer in a hummer

Was the best I made

Benz over and Mercedes

now an Escalade

With these hoopty

all around me, man

I can't lock it up

In the club

Only 50 cent in my pocket

- Yo ho

see me and stop

When I walk around the block

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Brett Halsey

Brett Halsey (born Charles Oliver Hand on June 20, 1933 in Santa Ana, California) is an American film actor, sometimes credited as Montgomery Ford. He had a prolific career in B pictures and in European-made feature films. He originated the role of John Abbott on the soap opera The Young and the Restless, a role he filled only from May 1980 to March 1981, when he was replaced by Jerry Douglas.Halsey is a great-nephew of the United States Navy Admiral William F. Halsey, Jr., also known as Bull Halsey, commander of the Pacific Allied naval forces during World War II. Universal Pictures selected Brett Halsey's acting name from the admiral. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Capers" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 19 Sep. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/capers_5027>.

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