
Camp
1
To all the critics
out there,
I know they're going
to review this,
and I know they're
gonna try to knock me...
is it okay if I say this
to camera, Amber? Okay.
I only am who I am
'cause I was born that way.
I have a gift,
and I'm trying not to be
selfish about it, but to use it.
that, that's your problem.
Jealousy
will get you nowhere.
And I'm gonna
keep rockin' on.
Ellen, what's
the matter with you?
Don't tell mom I'm taking you
Get out of here!
Your brother!
How gross is that?
They don't know
you're my brother.
They don't know
you're my brother.
Please, Ben.
You have to. I'll pay you.
Find someone
who's not related to you.
Loser.
What are you doing here?
Aren't you, like, 30?
Come on!
Excuse me,
is there someplace
Over there.
Is this your first summer?
I was here last year.
Remember? We were in
'night, mother together.
Remember? We were in
'night, mother together.
Oh.
You're Jill Simmons.
My name's Fritzi.
Fritzi. Of course.
Let me.
You have the number
at the ship.
Call me
whenever you need me.
This is Glen,
the camp director.
Go to him
if you have a problem.
Go to him
if you have a problem.
That's enough, mom.
You're embarrassing me.
We'll take
very good care of him.
Give me a hug.
I can't breathe!
Jenna!
My role model
in everything nubian.
What are you doing here?
I thought you had to go to weight
watchers camp this summer.
We wanted her to,
but she insisted on
going back to camp ovation.
So we compromised
and had her jaw wired shut.
Oh.
You can hardly tell.
Buddy Miller,
sports counselor.
We have a sports counselor?
Of course we do.
You gonna play
some softball this summer?
No.
Aah! Michael!
How you doin', babe?
Why weren't you on the bus?
I'm staying with her.
My god, your face.
He tried to go to his junior
prom in fishnets and heels.
My junior prom,
I stayed home with a roll of
I stayed home with a roll of
from outside in the bushes
for three hours.
That's so Stella Dallas.
Is Bert Hanley really
directing here this summer?
Bert Hanley?
I thought he retired.
- I thought he died.
- He might have.
He was supposed to
be here two days ago.
How does that happen?
He used to be huge.
He hasn't had a hit
since children's crusade.
He never
wrote another show.
I hope he directs
the benefit this summer.
What are you singing for
auditions for the first show?
- Don't rain on my parade.
- That's original.
With the tugboat.
What is that
supposed to be?
How you doing?
My name's Vlad.
Hi.
Okay if I
use those drawers?
You can go into
anybody's drawers you like.
I don't think
you'll get an argument.
Michael!
Just ignore him.
That's what he's used to.
I'm Ellen, this is Shaun
and Spitzer and Michael.
Bathroom?
Thirty-foot rule.
- No way!
- What's that?
Michael has to stay
30 feet away
until we know
if he's straight or gay.
If he's gay,
I'm Tyne Daly.
Honey, it's just...
Could someone
please shut her up?
Next.
A boy.
An honest-to-god
straight boy.
Cast lists are up.
I will go insane if I don't
get into promises, promises.
I'm in it!
Midnight sun?
Old.
Old.
Lost.
Lost.
Lost.
Two thousand sunsets,
yet not one sunrise.
No, no, no, no!
God damn you all!
You piss on the memory
of the greatest playwright
of the 20th century!
In Cuba, we took our lives in
our hands performing her work,
waiting for Castro's thugs
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Citation
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"Camp" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 21 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/camp_4988>.