Calamity Jane

[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]

COWBOY:
The Deadwood stage!

[Horses gaoping]

[Sings upbeat pioneer song]

[andoin pays]

[nstrumenta pioneer music]

[Cheering and shouting]

[Sings upbeat wecome song]

[Caamity sings upbeat pioneer song]

[Laughter and cheers]

[Cheering]

[Pisto shot]

[Sudden sience]

ake mine sarsaparia.

[Laughter]

t ain't so funny.

Any excitement on this trip, Caam?

Excitement! Why, got more arrows

in the back...

of that coach

than a porcupine's got stickers!

Seemed ike the whoe Sioux nation.

CALATY:
Hey, where is that sarsaparia?

BARAN:
Here you are.

[Shouting of drink orders]

[Sharp whiste]

[Yes]

[Native American music]

FRYER:
No, pease. Don't. Don't!

s there a woman in here?

FRYER:
No, sir. Just ndians.

Where is my actress?

Without warning, down they come out

of them his howing ike sous in torment.

There must have been 100 of them.

[Laughter]

t weren't no aughing matter.

Sure, it wasn't. 'd hate to have

a war party that big on my tai!

You know, Bi, except for me...

you're the ony other gaoot in the word

coud have brought that coach in.

Of course,

it caed for some mighty rapid shooting.

y gun got so hot,

had to sit with my egs stretched out...

hoding the muzze of my gun between

my feet to keep it from curing up.

must have kied at east 30 of them

before they got discouraged.

[Whiste, foowed by aughter]

've got to see to the horses.

[Whip cracks]

How many of them njuns

you reckon shot, Rattesnake?

About 30, reckon, Caam.

That's better. Next time te a story,

keep your hands in your pockets...

you toothess od buffao!

BARAN:
Come and get them.

BARAN:
Who wants cigarettes?

Just came in on the stage. A doar a pack.

Look at them, snapping at those cigarettes

ike a bunch of sik-goved dudes.

-Another dying Robert E. Lee.

- got Genera Grant.

-Queen Victoria.

-Carnsarn boat again.

've got her!

AN:
' give you $5 for it.

woudn't take $50,

because 'm keeping her cose to my heart.

-What you suppose is getting into them?

-t's Adeaid, Caamity. Adeaid.

What's an Adeaid?

She's a hope. A dream. A vision.

You see her carved on the prow

of an ancient ship...

in the dying embers of the camp fire.

Circe, Aphrodite, Heen of Troy.

n this case, it's Adeaid Adams.

A that in a pack of cigarettes?

BLL:
Beautifu, ain't she?

She's got nothing on but her underwear!

Them is tights, Caam.

She is a great actress, so they te me.

She's charming, a ovey figure,

everything a woman ought to be.

She ooks ike a fat,

fried-up side of undressed beef to me.

coud ook the same.

Except 've got ideas about modesty.

t ain't one man woudn't ride 100 mies

just for one gimpse of iss Adams.

You, maybe.

Some of that scum around here.

But a genteman woudn't ook twice

at such a picture.

A genteman ike Lt. Gimartin?

Yes, now that you mention it.

Like Lt. Gimartin.

You're kind of stuck on him, ain't you?

Ain't saying unti he does.

Where's he been, anyway?

thought he'd be here to meet the stage.

He's on duty at the Fort, guess.

Last time saw him was a week ago.

He came in to buy a pack

of them cigarettes.

r. ier, pease.

Nobody pays any attention to me.

LLER:
Why shoud they?

But, r. ier, you're expecting me.

'm Francis Fryer.

Where is my actress?

The one who wrote me the etter

about my ad in the Chicago newspaper?

hired her.

She's supposed to be here. Look.

l'm advertising her.

We, that's me.

You're her?

No, 'm not her. You see, 'm....

Look. ''Francis Fryer.''

You're Francis Fryer?

You deceived me. You're fired.

No, you're not fired.

've got to have somebody.

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