Buck Wild
Damn!
Hello?
Damn 'coons.
Sh*t.
Who's out there?
Hello?
Daddy! Oh!
Damn it, candy!
How many times
have I got to tell you?
Oh, no.
My tulips.
I'm real sorry, Clyde.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be.
No!
Oh!
How could you?!
We were in love, daddy!
He was gonna take me
to new Mexico!
Oh, candy,
go get in the damn trailer.
But we were in love!
Yeah. Do it now.
I said now, damn it! Go!
Aah! Ugh!
I hate you!
Yeah, well,
that makes two of us.
Damn it, candy!
Baby girl? Is that you?
Chupacabra?
Aah! The chupacabra!
Will you please
give this trip a chance?
I promise we're gonna have fun.
All right? Huh?
Just us friends? Huh?
Hunting off the land.
Who are you texting?
Your girlfriend.
She says hi.
So, I hate to be a nag
but would you mind
cracking the window
or just
putting that out altogether?
I just got this shirt back
from the dry cleaners
and I'd like to wear it
more than o-once.
Or do that.
Thanks.
Tom, Jerry's from New York.
Tell him, Jerry.
Yeah, I'm from New York.
Oh, really?
What brings you to Texas, Jerry?
Ah, Jerry's here temporarily.
Just till he gets
some stuff sorted out.
Uh, stuff?
Ah, wh...
what kind of stuff?
Just some stuff
that I should've taken care of
when I had the chance.
Say, wouldn't you
be more comfortable
if we put that big bag
in the back?
It might make it easier
for you to eat those peanuts.
Actually, tom,
I'd be a lot more comfortable
if we put you in the back!
I'm just messin' with you, man!
You're so uptight.
You almost
wet your panties, tom.
But don't you ever
think about touching this bag...
ever.
Anyone want a treat?
Geez. Wh... do those
have pot in them, Lance?
Well, geez, mom, does anyone
still use the word "pot?"
I'll take one of them, boss.
No!
Guys, come on. All right?
Look, we have to
go into town first,
and then we have to
go meet Clyde.
- Who the hell is Clyde?
- He...
He owns buck wild ranch.
Well, I'm with you, boss.
And whatever we kill,
I'm doing the skinnin'
'cause I'm good with a knife.
Damn good.
Clyde...
sounds awesome, Craig.
Uh, why do I have to
sit in the back
with Jeffrey dahmer?
Sorry, guys.
He's family, okay?
He doesn't know
anybody out here.
Probably 'cause
he's killed them all.
Stuffed 'em away
in that duffel bag of his.
Seriously...
did you see how he was
keeping watch over that thing?
The guy's straight out of
a scorsese film.
And what's with the peanuts?
It's like he's working
with a new prosthetic.
All right, look,
I know he's a bit intense, okay?
But will you do me a favor
and just give the guy a chance?
Oh, lovely.
I'm not built for this.
Good day, gentlemen.
It's got to be the brownies.
Uh, good day, uh, sir.
Is there a problem?
Yes, actually.
You appear to be parked
at my pump.
Your pump?
Yes, you see,
I'm what the locals around here
refer to as a "badass,"
an outlaw really,
and am therefore
afforded certain liberties.
In this case, I've chosen
this pump as my pump,
hence why I'm asking you
to move your bloody truck.
Hey, Billy ray!
They got one back here hidin'!
You quit that hidin'!
Look, gentlemen,
I can see that
you aren't from around here.
So I'll allow you
to leave with your dignity.
Oh, yeah?
And what if we don't?
Yeah, it's the brownies.
Terribly sorry, gentlemen.
Always losing my keys, you know.
Let's begin again.
Whoa.
Hey. We don't want
any trouble, all right?
Well, it looks like
we got trouble.
This is stupid.
Jerry, we're gonna move.
Or we can stay
and Mr. peanut here and his Dixie
chicks can fill up someplace else.
What we got going on
out here, boys?
Just some harmless
male bravado, shipley.
Uh-huh.
Looks like a couple bucks
markin' their territory to me.
And it's officer shipley,
Billy ray.
How many times
have I got to tell you?
What's your story, son?
Hey!
An officer of the Texas parks and
wildlife just addressed you, boy.
Game warden shipley?
Hi. Craig Thompson.
Ah, we were just
getting some gas,
and then we were gonna meet our
guide out at buck wild ranch.
You guys gonna meet Clyde?
That's him.
Shoot. I see.
Well, when you see him,
you ask him if he's
seen any chupacabras lately.
All right, boys, disperse.
And, Billy ray...
I got my eyes on you.
I believe
a "we shall meet again"
is in order.
What's a chupacabra?
I think he said
"chalupa."
He said "chupacabra."
It's a legendary cryptid
rumored to inhabit
parts of the americas.
The infamous chupacabra,
or "goat sucker,"
drinks the blood of its victim.
Some say they're just
rabid coyotes with mange.
Others swear they're pure evil.
How the hell
do you know all that?
Ah, I used to hook up with
a Mexican farm girl.
Hi.
Are you Clyde?
Are you Clyde
with buck wild ranch?
Um.
My name is...
Craig Thompson.
So, you are Clyde.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
The game warden back in town...
wanted me to
ask you about a, uh, chupacabra?
Son, are you
trying to be a smartass?
Oh, no, sir.
Did somebody tell you
that buck wild ranch
was taking applications
for smartasses?
No, sir.
Well, then don't talk sh*t
you don't know sh*t about.
Sure.
Yes, sir.
Follow me.
Everything all right there,
boss?
Let's get this over with.
All right,
this is your weekend retreat.
I call it "the haven."
Gather 'round and listen up.
I'm only gonna say this once.
Bed's for sleepin'.
Pool table's for poolin'.
TV's for watchin'.
You got four channels total,
five if you fool with
the rabbit ears.
Haven, my ass.
Uh... It's cozy.
take you to a bad end, son.
Psst, hey, come here.
Table for eatin'.
Yeah, after a good cleanin'.
Shh.
This is the kitchen.
For cookin'?
Say, where'd you come up with that name,
buck wild? I like it.
If you'll look out back,
you'll notice
a barbecue pit for barbecuin',
a seatin' area for seatin',
and a 4-by...
A 4x4.
It's got two tanks of gas...
count 'em, one, two...
and I expect 'em to be full
when you leave.
I don't want nobody
hotdoggin' in her, neither.
Oh, no, sir.
Uh, no...
No hot dogs here.
All right, listen up.
This here's the haven.
This is the road we come in on.
You got one, two, three, four,
five deer blinds
on buck wild ranch.
You can hunt at any of them.
But do not...
...I repeat, do not
cross this fence line
'cause this here's
Billy Ray's place.
And Billy ray is a badass.
Oh, damn it, candy!
We weren't doing nothin'.
Get in the damn truck.
You stay out of my life!
Now.
Ugh!
You like candy?
Sweet.
You a damn comedian!
The whole lot of you.
Disrespectful punks.
Miserable damn pissants!
Try not to kill each other.
Phew.
Anyone want a treat?
Hello?
Hey, baby, what are you up to?
Take your top off. We're going
to the hot tub! Stop!
Who's that? Where are you?
Mike, we're doing it!
Just take your top off!
What?
I can't hear you.
I'm at a party.
Baby, it's 4:
30.Yeah, it sure is, Craig.
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"Buck Wild" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/buck_wild_4784>.
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