Boi

Burger Beard:

"Booby Traps"? (GRUNTS)

(At the far end of the temple, a dusty pirate skeleton sat on a magnificent throne, holding an old leather-bound book)

(While the skeleton was holding a book, the title card faded in: THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE: SPONGE OUT OF WATER)

(When he saw the book, Burger Beard's eyes lit up)

Burger Beard:

Oh, there you are, my lovely.

(Dancing a happy jig, he made his way across the temple to the throne, avoiding giant spikes and poison darts. Then he cupped his ear and pretended to listen to the silent pirate skeleton)

Burger Beard:

Hmm! What's that? Take the book? I don't mind if I do.

(He yanked the old book out of the skeleton's hand, and the skeleton collapsed into a pile of bones)

(But the pirate didn't notice. He was twirling around, hugging the book to his chest)

Burger Beard:

(LAUGHS) At last, it is mine. Finally, you are mine.

(When he turned around, he saw the pirate skeleton! It had reassembled itself, and now it was waving its bony fists, challenging Burger Beard to a fight)

Burger Beard:

All right. Let's do this. Bare knuckles. Bring it on, skinny. You don't scare me.

(CRACK! The skeleton landed a tremendous punch right on Burger Beard's chin, which sent him flying all the way back to his ship)

(EXT. SHIP — DAY. The seagulls were waiting)

Seagull 1:

You got any sevens?

Seagull 2:

Go fish.

(THUMP! The pirate landed hard on the deck)

(He bounced up and shook his fist at the island

Burger Beard:

Is that all you got? (LAUGHING)

(He kissed the book one more time, weighed anchor, caught a good stiff wind, and sailed away)

Ooh.

(Satisfied with his course, Burger Beard hit the auto-pirate button on the ship's steering wheel and sat down in his reading chair. As he opened the ancient volume, several curious seagulls settled around him to listen)

Burger Beard:

Man, this is way overdue.

(He began to read out loud)

Burger Beard:

"Once upon a time, under the sea, there was a little town called Bikini Bottom. In this town, there was a place called The Krusty Krab, where folks would come to eat a thing called the Krabby Patty. Every greasy spoon has a fry cook, and the one who worked here was named SpongeBob SquarePants."

(The name of SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, leads to the seagulls performing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song)

SEAGULLS:

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he

Burger Beard:

Just hold it. Hold it.

(He was trying to calm them down)

Seagulls:

SpongeBob SquarePants!

If nautical nonsense be something you wish

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish

SpongeBob SquarePants!

(He then gets mad)

Burger Beard:

(GROANS) Stop!

(As they hear this, the seagulls stop before they finish performing the song and are then shown disappointed. Burger Beard have his finger marking the page where he stopped reading)

Burger Beard:

There's only one thing worse than talking birds, and that would be... Singing birds!

Seagull 3:

Okay, I promise not to (SINGS) si-i-i-ng.

Kyle:

(CLEARS THROAT)

(In the birdcage, there was a skeleton parrot band)

Dead Parrot 1:

Take it from us.

Dead Parrot 2:

He really does hate singing birds.

Seagull:

(SQUAWKS AND FARTS)

Kyle:

Just keep weading. Pwease, Mr. Piwate, sir.

Burger Beard:

(GROANS) Come closer while I tell you the tale.

David:

Okay, start reading.

Burger Beard:

No. Not that close!

(He scares the seagull off as couple more seagulls come in to listen, then turns the page)

Burger Beard:

All right, here we go.

(Burger Beard resumed reading)

(The KRUSTY KRAB with falling Krabby Patties)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) Now, SpongeBob loved his job as a fry cook...

SpongeBob:

(LAUGHS)

(SpongeBob goes into the Krusty Krab)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) ...more than anything.

(SpongeBob happily polishes his snow globes before kissing one)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) And that is saying a lot because he loved everything!

(SpongeBob hugs his snail GARY)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) He loved his pet snail, Gary.

Gary:

(MEOWS)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) He loved his best friend, Patrick.

(Gary poofs into PATRICK STAR before he giggles)

(SpongeBob makes his friends into bubbles)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) He loved blowing bubbles

(SpongeBob catches a jellyfish while falling off a cliff)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) and jellyfishing.

SpongeBob:

Whee!

(SpongeBob happily makes Krabby Patties)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) He loved making Krabby Patties for the folks of Bikini Bottom

(Many Krabby Patties land on the customers' plates)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) just as much as they loved eating them

(The customers are enjoying their Krabby Patties together, including BUBBLE BASS, which his seat breaks)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) Why, you may ask, do they love this greasy little sandwich so much? Why did they eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner,

(A customer is eating a Krabby Patty while on a hospital bed and wearing a breathing mask)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) despite their doctor's warnings?

Dr. Gill Gilliam: He'll be gone in a week.

Evelyn:

(SOBBING) Oh, Harold!

(She sadly bites into a Krabby Patty as the doctor does the same too, happily)

BURGER BEARD:

Oh. It was a secret.

(A real-life Krabby Patty with many question marks in the background)

Burger Beard:

(V.O.) No one was sure what was in these patties that made them so delicious. And, frankly, no one cared, except for Plankton.

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