Black Knight

Synopsis: This is the story an amusement park employee named Jamal Walker who is magically transported back to medieval times in 14th-century England. There, Jamal meets Sir Knolte, a dissolute knight, before he stumbles into the court of the usurper King Leo. Jamal is impressed by what he thinks is the realism of the theme park; only after witnessing a gory beheading does he realize, with horror, where he really is. Jamal encounters the beautiful Victoria who is scheming to return the queen to the throne, and falls afoul of the evil Sir Percival. Joining forces with Sir Knolte and Victoria, Jamal teaches the rebels some helpful football, golfing, and boxing moves, before he dons the armor of the awesome "Black Knight"!
Director(s): Gil Junger
Production: 20th Century Fox
  2 nominations.
 
IMDB:
4.8
Metacritic:
32
Rotten Tomatoes:
14%
PG-13
Year:
2001
95 min
$33,327,325
Website
1,634 Views


Watch out!

Sorry.

Yo, what's up with that?

Tommy quit.

Looks like he went out in style.

You know Tommy.

You better steer clear of Bostick today.

Come on, man. I invented the low profile.

I ain't goin' near that.

Hey! Bostick wants to see everybody. Now!

Check it out. Openin' up two miles from here.

Hello, Castle World.

I heard that.

We've survived a recession,

two earthquakes and a health inspector...

Who, despite my many advances,

turned out to be gay.

We're not goin' anywhere. We're gonna stay

right here and compete with Castle World.

I've been providing quality jobs

for this community for over 27 years.

I got an idea.

Why don't you cash out?

Yeah, yeah. Go to Miami,

Get you a Cadillac and

one of them bald-Headed pool boys.

Everybody get to work.

Jamal, you can clean the moat.

Oh, come on...

But first I wanna talk to you.

Damn it, Jamal. Can't you look

outside yourself for two seconds...

And just buckle down and help me?

Why can't you help yourself?

Forget about the community and

"providing' quality jobs" for people.

Take what money you got, and jet.

Book it. You feel me?

Get out. Bye-Bye.

You don't get it, do you?

I had high hopes for you.

Maybe you shouldn't have.

Jamal.

Clean up them battin' helmets

while you're at it.

Urgh! Dang, man!

Man, this is like some

Three Mile lsland, Exxon Valdez sh*t.

What other choice do we have, man?

In two weeks Castle World's gonna

blow this place out the water.

We apply now,

Avoid the rush.

Oh!

You feel me?

Yes!

Cos I can't keep doin' this, not here.

Oh. All right. OK.

To Castle World!

To Castle World!

And then I go in...

Aah!

You dead.

Hey!

That's gotta be worth a lot of money.

What?

Oh, hold on.

Let me get something to get that out.

Agh!

What the hell...? Hey, Steve!

Mrs. Bostick!

Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

The water's cold!

You disturb my peace.

What is your business here?

What the hell?

Oh, all right. I get it.

You had too much to drink, huh?

Opening' party for Castle World?

Oh, you're upset.

I ain't got no beef with you, dog.

Kindly address me with the proper respect.

I am Knolte of Marlboro.

And I am not a dog.

You may not be a dog,

but you may wanna roll over.

Got my suit all soaked up.

Wait a minute. You ain't breathin', man!

Ohh!

He ain't breathin'! Um... 911!

911! White man down!

White man down!

I'm gonna get a little close to your mouth...

So if you wake up and you see

a brother on you, I ain't like that.

It's about gettin' you to breathe.

So bear with me. Ahh!

Here we go. Here.

Oh, damn!

What you been eatin', spoiled nachos?

Wait. Wait, wait!

Uh, where...

Uh... Spray paint.

I ain't gonna spray-Paint you. No!

Ah, hold on.

Here we go.

Bahh!

Agh!

You've saved my life.

Don't mention it.

I owe you... thanks.

Don't even worry about it.

Where do you live, man?

Come on. Here you go. Come on.

This is it?

It is.

What the...?

Whoa, whoa. You got a license

to have animals, man?

This is a big-Ass donkey.

Do you have a license for this?

Homie, may I make a suggestion?

IKEA. Yeah, get you some end tables

and some of them $5 lamps, man.

You know, and a futon. Then you'll be stylin'.

And try to wear somethin' on your feet

that has a little give other than metal.

You know, get you the proper sneaker.

Are you hungry?

What is that, man?

'Tis food.

'Tis road kill, man!

Ugh. You know what?

Get you some food stamps.

Just tell them you doin' bad.

You know what I mean?

You know, if they don't believe you, ask

a social worker to come through your spot,

Check out where are you livin', cos this is...

It's like that, seriously.

And you oughta get yourself

into a shelter, you know?

Try that. So, um...

Thank you for inviting me to your place.

Thank you

For your... conversation.

You thankin' me for talkin' to you?

I am a man reviled for my failings,

For... for I have not served well my queen.

I must be crazy, man.

Here's two bucks. All right?

Get yourself some soap

and, uh, some Tic Tacs.

I'm gonna get up outta here.

Freeway should be that way?

I'll find it.

Brother lost in the woods: not good.

Oh, hell, no! You know you did wrong!

Oh, sh*t! Castle World?

Mrs Bostick, you're in trouble.

You all seen that?

They tried to run me...

Hold up! Hold up!

Hold up!

Hey, let me see your manager, OK?

I damn near got trampled

by some of them dumb-Ass actors

Takin' their job way too seriously!

Who be ye?

Who be l?

I be stompin' your ass,

you put your hand on me one more again!

OK? I'm from South Central.

Florence and Normandie.

Normandy? A thousand pardons.

We've been awaiting word from Normandy.

Please, enter.

We'll inform the king of your arrival.

That's more like it. That's how brothers

need to be treated, you know?

And talk to your boy,

cos punks jump up to get beat down.

I'll holler!

Whoa. Castle World's got it goin' on:

Horses, costumes, smells...

Hello. Lose the hat, homie.

Thank you for saving our little village.

And such is the legend of the Black Knight.

The princess will look so beautiful!

It will be a wedding for the ages.

Don't you agree?

Yes, but she doesn't love him.

So? She's but a woman.

What if a woman were not

considered just a man's property...

And were free to choose her own husband?

Are you feeling ill?

Let us pray it's not plague.

Should she be bled?

No.

No, I'm quite well. It was just foolish talk.

Oh, damn.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Uh...

Allow me to introduce myself.

Jamal.

Victoria.

Oh, wait! Uh, look, darlin'.

Don't cheat yourself, treat yourself.

Uh, look, uh...

I, uh, I don't... work here.

Yeah, I'm a talent agent.

I represent, uh, people like...

Mariah... Denzel...

You can call him Zel.

I'll let him know just you gonna call him Zel.

But I gotta tell you... I'm just gonna be

upfront and say it. You are gorgeous.

You glow, girl.

You speak with an unusual tongue.

Oh, no, that's just how

we talk in my neighborhood.

Now, look, first thing we gotta do

is get some pictures taken.

You own a thong?

A what?

OK, never mind. Why don't you just bring

an old pair of drawers and cut the ass out?

You know? So just give me your number.

Seven.

Excuse me?

You asked my number.

I am one of the king's

chambermaids, number seven.

Oh. Well, that must be

your employee number.

No, I was talkin' about your phone number.

Don't worry. I'll write my number down.

Anybody got a pen?

You can read and write?

Yeah.

Who you been datin'? You gotta raise the bar.

Good day, ladies. How are you

feeling today? Wait. I shall tell thee.

Yes.

Very nice.

You especially, my Nubian queen.

Hey, what the hell is wrong with you, man?

Don't you know that's sexual harassment?

Ah! You the idiot that damn near

ran me over, aren't you?

Wait till I find your boss.

He's gonna fire your metallic ass.

You would do well

to mind your tongue, Moor.

Or I will cut it out and feed it to the dogs.

Come here.

Nah, I'm just messin' with you, man.

I ain't no talent agent, so cut the act.

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Darryl Quarles

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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