Beetle Juice


That's a big fella! Whoa!

- Looks great.

- Thank you.

Happy vacation, honey.

Manchurian tung oil!

Where did you get this?

Helen got it for me in Oslo.

There's enough here

to do the whole table and the bureau.

I wonder what this could be.

Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.

Enough to do the entire guest room.

I'm so glad we're spending

our vacation at home.

- I'm gonna get started now.

- Where are you going?

- I'll get it.

- Be my guest.

- Maybe you should get it.

- I'll go.

Oh, no!


It's your turn, honey.

- Good luck, honey.

- Thanks.

Hi, Barbara. I'm glad I caught you.

Heard you were on vacation.

That's right. Complete vacation.

Today I'm $260,000!

- It's 6:
45 in the morning.

- This offer is real.

From a man in New York City

who only saw a photograph.

Jane, don't send people photos

of our house.

He wants to bring the wife and family

here for some peace and quiet.

That's what we're looking for.

This house is too big for you.

It ought to be for a couple with kids.

I didn't mean anything.

But this house is too big.

- I'll see you in a few weeks. Okay?

- Think about it.

I was telling Barbara about this offer

on the house...

No, Jane.

Come with me to the store.

- What for?

- I need a new brush for the tung oil.

- And I want to get a part for the model.

- Just run in, okay?

Two weeks at home. The perfect vacation.

Jane says we should sell the house

to someone with a family.

I don't think it's any of Jane's business.

Besides, we could try again

on this vacation.

Really? What are you saying?

- How are you doing, Ernie?

- Hi, how are you?

Good morning, Adam.

- Need a haircut before your vacation?

- No, thanks, Bill.

- How's the model coming?

- Great.

You know, Bozman built that foundation

in 1835. His grandson...

He's got hair down

to his goddamn shoulders.

He says to me, "Just trim it a little."

- I took the scissors to him so fast...

- See you later.

- This will be great.

- Wouldn't you rather go to Jamaica?

- No way. There's no place like home.

- Look out for that...

Perfect start to our vacation.

You'll feel better when you're dry.

That fire wasn't burning when we left.

- How's your arm?

- I don't know. It feels frozen.

I'll make some coffee

and you get wood for the fire.

Maybe we should take things extra slow.

Do you remember how

we got back up here?

I'm going back to that bridge

and retrace our steps.

- You saved my...

- Two hours!

- You won't believe... What?

- That's how long you were gone.

- What is going on?

- I have to show you something.


There's that.

And there's that.

- "Handbook for the Recently Diseased."

- Deceased.


I don't know where it came from.

Look at the publisher.

"Handbook for

the Recently Deceased Press."

You know what?

I don't think we survived the crash.

I hate this.

Can you give me the basics?

This book isn't arranged that way.

What do you want to know?

Why did you disappear

when you stepped off the porch?

Are we halfway to heaven

or halfway to hell?

How long will this last?

I don't see anything about heaven or hell.

This book reads like stereo instructions.


"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.

"Functional perimeters vary from

manifestation to manifestation."

This is going to take some time.

Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?

I better find a job.

Let's see. Business section.

What do we got here? The Maitlands.

Cute couple. Look nice and stupid, too.

I wish I had a better view

of the cemetery from here.

I can't tell which is

the best placement for us.

Cabin fever?

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Michael McDowell

Michael McEachern McDowell (June 1, 1950 – December 27, 1999) was an American novelist and screenwriter described by author Stephen King as "the finest writer of paperback originals in America today". His most well-known work is the screenplay for the Tim Burton film Beetlejuice. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Beetle Juice" STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 3 Oct. 2022. <>.

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