Beethoven's 5th

Synopsis: Sara Newton and Beethoven spends summer with Freddy Kablinski in Quicksilver, a weird town.
Director(s): Mark Griffiths
Production: Universal Pictures
91 min


Come here. I'm sorry.

- Beethoven, what's the matter?

- (whines)

Look, Beethoven.

I guess this is Quicksilver.

Which is in the middle of...

what's the word? Nowhere.

I sure hope they have indoor plumbing.

I know, I know.

We're a long way from home.

And we've got a long month ahead of us.

What are we going to do all summer?

There's no mall, no movies, and we don't

know anyone except Uncle Freddy.

And we haven't seen him in, like, forever.

You know what this adds up to?


(driver) Watch your step now, little lady.

Have a nice day.

- Is somebody meeting you, hon?

- My uncle's supposed to pick me up.

- He should be here any minute.

- How nice.

- Maybe I know him. What's his name?

- Freddy. Freddy Kablinski.

Freddy Kablinski?! (laughs)


(horn, siren)

(siren, horn)

- Sara? Sara Newton?

- You're 12 minutes late.

What happened to you?

Last time I saw you, you were a toddler.

- I was six.

- Well, whatever. Sorry I'm late.

I was working on this baby

and I lost track of time. Gimme that bag.

Seems like I got to tune it up

every third fire.

- Mom didn't tell me you were a firefighter.

- I'm not.

I'm a grease monkey.

A certified mechanic.


Is that the dog?

This is Beethoven.

Come on, Beethoven. Here, Beethoven.

Come and say hi.

Come on.

Don't lick Uncle Freddy.

You don't know where he's been.

Have you ever considered a face-lift?

Maybe just shorten these a little bit?

- Get this wolfhound off me.

- He's a St Bernard.

Come on, Beethoven.

So, Sara. Kicked out of camp, huh?

Way to go.

- I got kicked out of college twice.

- I wasn't kicked out.

- They asked me to leave.

- Oh, excuse me!

And just exactly why

were you asked to leave?

They wanted me to use an outhouse.

Do you know what that is?

- A bathroom that's on the outside?

- It's a toilet seat.

On a hole in the ground.

So you got sentenced to 30 days'

hard time at Camp Freddy, huh?

Uncle Freddy! Do you need glasses?


And welcome to Camp Freddy.

We got a whole month before

your parents get back from Hawaii.

- They're in the Bahamas.

- Palm trees and coconuts. Close enough.

It's OK, Beethoven, you can go on in.

Remember to wipe your feet.

Come on.

Grab the mail for me, would you?


Huh? Agh!

- Uncle Freddy, I didn't do it.

- It's OK. Go on inside.

Somebody clipped my mailbox again.

What kind of idiot can't see a mailbox?

I got to call the sheriff about this.

Throw his butt in jail is what I'd do.


Oh, no. What have you done?

You've only been here 30 seconds

and you've already trashed the place.


We're going to get kicked out of here too.


- Sorry about the kitchen.

- Something wrong?

Well... it's kind of a mess.

I'm sorry about that. I should have

cleaned up before you got here.

You mean, you did this? Not Beethoven?

Why, is he a messy dog or something?

It depends on what you call messy.

No big deal. I'll take care of this.

Just wait here one sec.

Boy, I can't wait to see my room.

OK, Sara, grab a wall.

Whoa! Uncle Freddy!

- I put the linoleum in so I could do this.

- Watch out, Beethoven!

It's just a little side benefit I get

for tuning up that fire truck.

Uncle Freddy, I already took a shower.

Beethoven, stay back!

Pretty clean, huh?

So, what do you usually have

for breakfast at home?

Mom says that nutritionally breakfast is

the most important meal of the day.

You've got to have milk

and fruit and protein.

OK. Coming right up.

There you go.

This is breakfast?

Fruit, milk and protein.

Just like you asked for.

(Beethoven gasps)

Uncle Freddy, it's a banana split.

I think I'll have some of

your bran flakes, if I may.

Bran flakes? OK. Sure.

I don't see an expiration date on this,

so it should be OK.

Say when.


Shame to see all that

ice cream go to waste.



Hey, look at this. Who needs a maid?

That floor will never be

safe for trash again.

I should have got a dog a long time ago.

(Sara) Watch out, Beethoven.

(Freddy) Whoa!

- You are a natural.

- Don't you have any work to do?

The great thing about being your own

boss is nobody tells you when to come in,

you can have lunch whenever you like,

and best of all...

you can have creeper races

whenever you want.

- Come on, give it a try.

- I don't know.

- Come on. lt'll be fun. Try it.

- Um, no thanks. It looks dangerous.

You know what? Sometimes you got to

just jump in without your floaties. Watch.

Watch it, Uncle Freddy.

Watch out!

- I score that jump a ten.

- Yeah, it was, wasn't it?

Uncle Freddy, are you OK?

You guys want to

hang out or something?

No, I can't. I got to put shocks on that

Caddy over there, but you guys should.

- Hi. I'm Garrett.

- Hi. I'm Sara.

- You're very tall for an eight-year-old.

- Eight-year-old?

OK, so I was off a couple of years.

- Hey, is that your dog?

- Yeah. This is Beethoven.

St Bernards are known for

their psychic abilities.

He is pretty smart. Aren't you, boy?

Hey, kids, you want to

see something funny?


Not that. Watch this.

Beethoven, sit.

- (can crumples)

- (laughter)

Now, has that dog got style or what?

Hey, wait, I got an idea.

Why don't you two kids grab some lunch?

Garrett, you could take Sara into town

and show her the sights. OK?

- We have sights?

- You want a free lunch or what?


I don't think Mom would want me to go

without you. Especially with a stranger.

He may be strange,

but he's not a stranger, OK?

He's the smartest kid in town.

Now go, have a good time.

- Come on, let's go.

- Stay with him, Beethoven.

He can help me fix the Caddy.

Right, Beethoven?

- You like GM products?

- (barks)

Quicksilver, huh? Guess this

used to be a silver mining town.

Not really. Mercury, actually.

- Really?

- Yeah.

It was a surprise to the miners too.

They were looking for gold

but hit mercury ore instead.

Quicksilver is slang for mercury.

- You knew that, right?

- Um, makes perfect sense.

But it turns out mercury's dangerous.

It affects the brain's neural function.

- Like how?

- You'll see.

Hello, Owen. How's it going?

It's dry. Too dry.

- Mercury, huh?

- That's Owen Tuttle all right.

He thinks the polar icecaps will melt

and we'll have to live underwater.

He goes to the lake every day to practise.

- Hey Garrett, come in here.

- Morning, Phil.

That's Phil Dobson.

He loves gambling, but always loses.

He owes everyone in town money.

Do you want to play some poker?

- Your wife said I wasn't allowed to.

- Let me try and win my computer back.

- I need it.

- Sorry. I promised your wife I wouldn't.

It's so unfair. What about you?

You're not a local, are you?

- You like to gamble?

- No, I don't gamble.

I'll play anything.

Rummy, blackjack, war, go fish.

- I'll play you for that blender.

- I don't need one.

Or how about a nice electric toothbrush?

One game for this electric toothbrush.

No, thanks. Bye.

Uh, hi.

- Never saw her before. You?

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Cliff Ruby

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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