
Barry Munday
Tortilla chips
are on my lips
And no one's pressed
against my hips
Bad beat poet
late at night
The city gets bright,
I can't see
The neon lights
don't work on me
I am no watcher
in the fight
Charlie says
Nobody's got
A strange
No one is really
beautiful
They're all just
Mediocre men of the hour
Mediocre models
of the hour
Mediocre men
You take me places
and you make cool faces
When our sex erases
The lonely past
And you found me
when I was first
And 10 against 11 men
Who could kick my ass
But anyway
It's probably
Gonna pass.
Barry, are you awake?
Honey, just relax.
Doctor says everything's
gonna be just fine.
Until that day,
I couldn't imagine living
for anything other than women.
You see,
there's a moment that exists
at the edge
of sexual success
for which
there is no equal...
the addictive seconds
just after uncertainty
and immediately preceding
touching the gold.
It's Christmas.
It's with this
in mind
that I relate
the involuntary removal
of my testicles.
- Yep. Mm-hmm.
Yeah. No, that's
gonna be great.
We can do that.
I don't know how you do it, Lucy.
Do what?
Look like a model.
A supermodel, actually.
A super-duper model.
Hey, I don't know what
you got goin' on later,
but I was thinkin'
of hittin' the happy hour
over at Chili's.
Got a workout partner...
I don't date people
at my workplace.
Who said date?
TGIF.
Maybe not...
maybe not Chili's.
Everpea has got
Why don't you
date people at your work?
I just don't.
You just...
You're probably right.
You're smart.
It's a smart idea.
You got beauty
and brains.
You guys fall in love,
and then have babies.
Beautiful babies
with blue eyes.
TGIF.
All right.
What's up, Denise?
- Hey, you don't like nachos?
- Mm-mm.
No no no. I do!
Nacho time for me!
My dossbag, my sack
The family bling-bling
When I'm jumpin'
up and down
On my trampoline
To the belly button
and a slap to the taint
Rushin' to my head,
- What's up?
- Where you been?
Thought I had a possibility.
My tires are stinky.
What?
That's a catchphrase,
somethin' I'm workin' on.
- How we lookin'?
- Shit, place is a hatchery. It's stupid.
- I wanna be an architect.
- Whoa, over there.
See it? Dress suit, sneakers.
Work hard, play hard.
I could go back to school, be an architect.
People like architects.
Dude, what
are you talkin' about?
You make really good
money at yourjob.
I just... I just...
like, all that interesting,
you know, as a lifestyle.
- Whoa.
- Caught 'em peekin'.
- You ready? Let's rock 'n' roll.
- Sweet.
Hey, so if they ask,
I'm gonna tell 'em I'm an architect.
Oh hey, tell 'em
I work with kids.
Hold these.
No no, seriously,
I used to get beat up
like twice a week
for having such thick eyelashes.
- Is that your card?
- Oh, no.
All the way to the seventh grade,
and that's when I decided
that's it, and I went
for my black belt.
Is that your card?
- No.
- No.
- That's so sad.
- Yeah.
- I'd kill for those.
- Well, now yeah, sure.
- Is that your card?
- Yes!
Oh my God,
that is incredible!
That's what we do.
Oh my God.
How'd you do that?
Come on.
Did you have that
What is that?
Oh, it's my kitty cat.
Mmm, it is sparkly
and beautiful.
Thanks.
Are you
a cat person?
I love cats.
- Yeah?
- Meow.
- I love pussy...
- What?
...cats too.
Excuse me,
you want me to close out
your tab, sir?
Sir?
Somebody's dad show up?
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"Barry Munday" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/barry_munday_3635>.