Bam Margera Presents: Where The #$&% Is Santa?

Synopsis:
Year:
2008
14 Views

What's up, kids?

It's one week before Christmas.

I have Shitbird sleeping there...

...and I got my homeboys on standby

for a big snowball fight.

I had to order up the snow

from the Poconos...

...because it just hasn't snowed yet.

So let's get this Christmas

started off right...

...and I'm gonna go wake up Missy.

She's already awake.

[MISSY CHUCKLES]

- Yo, help me.

- Do what?

I'm gonna dump all this snow on Shitbird

and then I got some flour too.

You dump the flour, I do the snow.

- Let's go.

- Where did you get snow...? Bam.

MISSY [WHISPERING]:

What do you want me to do?

[WHISPERING]

This is a horrible way to wake up.

MISSY:

When do you want me to dump it?

Say, "Dump."

[GRUNTING]

BAM [IN NORMAL VOICE]:

Wake up, Shitbird.

SHITBIRDZ:

Where the hell did you get snow from?

BAM:

I ordered snow from the Poconos.

Geronimo, Shitbird. Oh!

Hanna, don't think you're safe.

SETH:

I thought you like it?

- Oh, bitch.

SETH:
Bam, Bam.

MISSY:
Ow!

ALL:
Ohh!

That hit me so fucking hard.

I'm not playing anymore.

I'm sorry, Missy.

I wish it wasn't funny.

Just go do something

and get out of here so I can clean.

How about liquid lunch

at the Thirsty Camel?

HANNA:

Hell, yeah.

Come up, say goodbye to me first.

HANNA:
Who, me?

MISSY:
No, not you.

- My husband.

BAM:
Yes, ma'am.

Ew, ew.

The big party is in a week...

...and you're creating

so much more problems for me.

- Ape's coming over.

- I know, but Ape's not our maid.

Yeah, but she can't stand

to see things like this.

Yeah, but I'll look like a jerk

if I hide up here while she cleans.

I have to do it too.

- Just give me a kiss.

- Teamwork. Teamwork. Teamwork.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

All right. I'll be going.

- Later, babe.

MISSY:
Bye, babe.

BAM:
Let's try to slide down this thing.

MISSY:
Be careful, Bam.

[YELLS]

BAM:

Whoo!

[MOUTHING "WHAT IS ROCK?"]

BAM:

What can she possibly get now?

- Yeah, Joe.

FRANTZ:
That's true.

- She does have everything.

- I gave her a sweet-ass engagement ring...

...then a sweet-ass wedding ring

and then a post-wedding ring too.

She has the Range Rover,

the Lambo, the purple one.

- What else can I get her?

JESSE:
Bring her Santa.

- I know where he lives.

- You do?

- He lives in Lapland, Finland. It's a fact.

FRANTZ:
Well, Santa Claus, actually...

The mythos of Santa Claus, if you will,

is embodied in every culture...

- Jesus Christ.

...in the entire world.

No, really. And in it is encapsulated...

[ALL LAUGHING]

BAM:
Nobody wants to hear

your Santa Claus jibber-jabber.

- He lives in Finland, okay?

- I thought he was at the North Pole.

That's what everybody thinks.

Finnish people get mad. Everybody

thinks Santa's from the North Pole.

They're like, "He lives in Finland."

Rovaniemi, Lapland.

- You deserved that, by the way.

FRANTZ:
Thanks.

- With your Santa Claus jibber-jabber.

- I was trying to help you out.

I'm helping myself because I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go to Finland.

FRANTZ:

Go to Finland and bring back Santa Claus?

I'm gonna capture Santa.

Maybe I can make some calls

to some Finnish rockers...

...and find out exactly where Santa lives.

- That's awesome. Yeah.

BAM:
You like that?

It's a pain in the ass to get to,

but maybe... You know what?

Starting to sound like a good idea.

- Could be done.

- Well, Christmas is one week away.

If we power it out,

we can probably get it done in five days...

...make it back by Christmas Eve,

have a party.

I don't see why we wouldn't.

HANNA:
Missy already has everything.

- Dude. There's Novak.

Piece of shit.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Unknown

The writer of this screenplay is unknown. more…

All Unknown scripts | Unknown Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Translation

Translate and read this script in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • Chinese - Simplified 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • Chinese - Traditional 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Spanish Español (Spanish)
  • Japanese 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Portuguese Português (Portuguese)
  • German Deutsch (German)
  • Arabic العربية (Arabic)
  • French Français (French)
  • Russian Русский (Russian)
  • Kannada ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • Korean 한국어 (Korean)
  • Hebrew עברית (Hebrew)
  • Ukrainian Український (Ukrainian)
  • Urdu اردو (Urdu)
  • Hungarian Magyar (Hungarian)
  • Hindi मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesian Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italian Italiano (Italian)
  • Tamil தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Turkish Türkçe (Turkish)
  • Telugu తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • Thai ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Vietnamese Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Czech Čeština (Czech)
  • Polish Polski (Polish)
  • Indonesian Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Romanian Românește (Romanian)
  • Dutch Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Greek Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latin Latinum (Latin)
  • Swedish Svenska (Swedish)
  • Danish Dansk (Danish)
  • Finnish Suomi (Finnish)
  • Persian فارسی (Persian)
  • Yiddish ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • Armenian հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norwegian Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English English (English)

Discuss this Bam Margera Presents: Where The #$&% Is Santa? script with the community:

Citation

Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

Style:MLAChicagoAPA

"Bam Margera Presents: Where The #$&% Is Santa?" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 18 Jun 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bam_margera_presents%3A_where_the_%23%24%252526%25_is_santa%3F_3525>.

We need you!

Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

Watch the movie trailer

Bam Margera Presents: Where The #$&% Is Santa?

The Marketplace:

Sell your Script !

Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.